Community Chat

[EastCoastViewer]

Judge Toler (Divorce Court) just ran through the signs of an abuser from her book (don't know the title):

(1) Does he display an authoritarian attitude?

(2) Is he quick to get angry?

(3) Does he blame others when he makes a mistake?

(4) Does he criticize you and make you feel less than?

(5) Does he try to control what you do and who you do it with?

Additionally, Judge Toler said a potential abuser will be nice and act perfectly for a time but it's a façade. An abuser will present a glimpse of happiness as a way to control you, knowing you will do anything and take anything to make him happy again. (The classic honeymoon syndrome).

I thought this advice was very on target and I wanted to share. We need to let our daughters, nieces, friends and all know before they say I DO.

[esmerelda]

Love is blind.

[MickD]

Thanks for the post! Don't forget about the teen boys and teen girls....I had a talk about this with my son years ago....before he was a teen....It can go both ways....scary to think.

[Preds]

It is great questions and I agree, but when you are "In Love" you don't or won't see this until you live it. Love is blind ... for a reason.

[hckynut]

On 3/3/2014 EastCoastViewer said:

Judge Toler (Divorce Court) just ran through the signs of an abuser from her book (don't know the title):

(1) Does he display an authoritarian attitude?

(2) Is he quick to get angry?

(3) Does he blame others when he makes a mistake?

(4) Does he criticize you and make you feel less than?

(5) Does he try to control what you do and who you do it with?

Additionally, Judge Toler said a potential abuser will be nice and act perfectly for a time but it's a façade. An abuser will present a glimpse of happiness as a way to control you, knowing you will do anything and take anything to make him happy again. (The classic honeymoon syndrome).

I thought this advice was very on target and I wanted to share. We need to let our daughters, nieces, friends and all know before they say I DO.

From my experiences, not personal ones just ones I've seen, many know the signs/see the signs, and choose to ignore them. There is the "he/she is different that the others" syndrome and before they figure it all out it might be too late.

[EastCoastViewer]

If women/men or girls/boys are empowered with information, he/she can stop him/herself before the relationship gets to the IN LOVE stage.

Knowing his getting angry quickly, isn't just "oh he just has a temper" but is a real sign of an abuser and "oh he just doesn't like me to go out" isn't "he is just a homebody" but coupled with a quick temper and a refusal to take personal responsibility for mistakes equals an abuser.

[EastCoastViewer]

I think love should be blind because if it wasn't, no one would get married. However, love doesn't have to be stupid LOL!

[Puzzle Piece]

Explains some aspects of abuse but not all. Some guys are crazy makers. Others get a gal to become afraid of everything and insecure about herself as they put her down. Lots of stuff that goes on with those types.

[Chloe Piper]

On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:

Explains some aspects of abuse but not all. Some guys are crazy makers. Others get a gal to become afraid of everything and insecure about herself as they put her down. Lots of stuff that goes on with those types.

I think #4 and #5 would cover that.

[Silver Lining]

Some girls or women would rather have SOMEbody than no one. There's hope for girls like that to do better, but women like that don't usually change.