Community Chat

[qualitygal]

It just dawned on me, one of the last funerals or visitations we went to, we did donations in the name of the deceased.  We did get a notification that they were received and I know a list was made and sent to the family about the donation.

[songbird]

When my father died, everything was a blur.  One day I got a call from my father's doctor who was under the impression I knew my father died.  I didn't know.  No one told me.  He died one day and buried the next day.  The rest of my family was in shock. No flowers obviously, but food mysteriously arrived.  The Jewish community knew so food was there.  We sat on low chairs.  Called sitting Shiva. Called that because Shiva is Hebrew word for 7.  You mourn 7 days, but the deceased was buried as quickly as possible as no body was allowed to be embalmed.  Buried in a white shroud in a pine box before sundown.  Shortly before the funeral started the Rabbi's had to tear our clothes.  Jewish funerals are not for the faint of heart.

[Gorgf]

@songbird. Thank you for sharing this and what is customary for your faith.  My Mother said she wanted flowers when she was alive not dead. I buy myself flowers especially flowering plants and think of her saying that and have mentioned it checking out. My Father grew roses for her and when she died before him he lost interest in growing them. He was a great gardener.

American Indian traditional Ojibwe religion light a fire 24 hours for five days. Someone tends the fire.  Still done today. Flowers were seen as a nonIndian tradition. I read a book written by a Ho-chunk woman who said it was  ridiculous thing nonIndian people did put flowers on their graves.

One of the worst places to  they used to send leftover flowers after a funeral was to a Nursing Home! Everyone knew where they came from. 

[Addie2118]

I think sending flowers or plant are just someting more to deal with. I uaually send one or two dozen bagels and a few cream cheese. Bagel are easy to freeze for a long time.

[deepwaterdotter]

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@deepwaterdotter wrote:

I just today sent an arrangement to the home of a friend who lost her father.  He was 96 and had outlived all but a few younger people he had mentored in his workplace.  The body will be cremated and ashes scattered at a meaningful site in the spring.  He requested no gathering in his memory.  I do not desire an acknowledgement of receipt of the flowers, only that my friend finds comfort in her memories.

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Yesterday I received a call from the recipient thanking me for the arrangement.  It was lovely to hear from her and let her know that she was in my thoughts.

[Burnsite]

Songbird, Your comment about memorial stones reminds me of extraordinary monuments, in burial grounds but also in temples and shrines, in Japan. 

Weirdly, I don't know why, Japan is my happy place and I was recently there in Nov 2023, four years after my last visit late in 2019, which was just before their shutdown for CoVid.

I finally realized the significance of "Jizo Bosatsu", stones with red bibs, that watch over the dead, from stillborn babies to adults and the elderly.

I once saw a burial site especially maintained for parents mourning small children and infants, which made me cry--toys and garments were left there, and written messages were added to the Jizo, who stood guard.  Children who die during birth or shortly after are in Japan called "water babies."

One I saw last Nov apparently commemorated monks at the temple I was visiting. The "Jizo" stones are very moving. 

People die, and the survivors still cherish them, expressing their sorrow in various ways typical of their culture. That is probably true everywhere on this planet.