Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

katie1859 · ‎06-25-2022

As spoke about in a different forum in the past week, thank you doesn't come from the generations under us. They just don't.

However, when we give our of respect we give for that person and we have to let go of any expectations. I think this is very much the case with funerals, memorials, and hospice etc..

I've been in your shoes and yes it's a hurt and a slap back in complete silence, but you gave from your heart for respect. What the receivers did or did not do out of consideration is out of our control.

katie1859 · ‎06-25-2022

I said this in the other forum and I repeat.

If the generations under me had to be grateful for anything and verbalize it, they would have a brain cramp.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@CalminHeart

Send a thank you because you're appreciative and have manners.

bikerbabe · ‎03-09-2010

A bit of grace is due to someone who is grieving vs sending a present for a birthday or Christmas.

It seems unkind to assume “bad manners”.

When my mom died, I was absolutely incapable of sending thank you notes. It wasn’t because I was being rude or unappreciative and I didn’t have someone else around who could do it for me.

esther22 · ‎02-20-2012

No. My husband passed away suddenly of a blood clot while on a business trip. It was a terrible shock and totally unexpected. I went numb for months.What I DO remember are all the loively flowers and plants that were sent. As much as I loved them, I was in no shape to speak to anyone or write thank yous. The people who know me know that I usually am very grateful and acknowledging of things I receive. This time I was not in the shape to do so. I was asked byour church if I would like food,etc to be sent to the house. I remember saying no, but thank you. There were some people who were very upset that I refused the food, but I had no appetite, either, and knew I wouldn't be eating. I would say keep sending the flowers and plants, know that they ARE appreciated, and be mindful of the mental anguish the person is going through, expected death or not.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
@CalminHeart
Send a thank you because you're appreciative and have manners.

Recognition is certainly not why I send flowers/plants. I don't care if I receive thank you notes.

When I receive thank you notes, I read and toss them in the trash faster than it took to put on the stamp.

Let those who are suffering or grieving not have to worry about someone who says they're a friend gets a thank you.

That said, I just sent 57 thank you notes to people who sent flowers, plants, food, etc for my dad's funeral. I did it to avoid judgemental people like you.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@CalminHeart

We are all judgemental including you. We decide with whom we want to be friends, who's trustworthy and who isn't...

In my family, our funerals are private. Flowers, food, and cards are sent to our homes. Their kindness means a lot to me and I want them know.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

When my DMIL passed away, my siblings sent a huge arrangement to the funeral home which was out of state from them. During a conversation with siblings, they asked how the arrangement looked. I informed them that I did not have any acknowledgement from the funeral home that the flowers ever arrived. It was confirmed by the funeral home that this florist had not delivered any flowers to them for my DMIL. Scammed by a FDA florist.....awful, awful experience. If I do send flowers to anyone now, it goes directly to their home not a funeral home or even a hospital.

songbird · ‎03-21-2010

Not being Christian, I don't sent flowers for funerals. I do send flowers for people I know in the hospital. Jews leave stones on grave site. One for each visit. Never flowers. I remember when my Russian co worker's husband died. I went to the funeral. He was a Russian Jew, but his Russian friends arrived loaded with flowers. It was awkward, The Rabbi was trying to tell them that flowers were offensive. To Jews, flowers are a symbol of life, not death. To be given as a sign of celebration.