Community Chat

[Lilysmom1]

@Trailrun23  Sorry for your loss.  I would have replied with a thank you card.

i don't send flowers anymore either.  If the family is close to me, I either make a donation or send a meal.  If it is a gardening friend, I usually bring a shrub for them to plant in memory of their loved one.  The shrubs are always greatly appreciated.  The last one I gifted was a miniature knockout rose that bloomed profusely right up until winter.

When my family had a loss, I really appreciated those who indicated on their sympathy gift "No reply necessary".  I thought that was very gracious.

Locally, families put a Thank You notice in the daily paper when there are too many to acknowledge personally.

The etiquette of our younger years seems to have run its course.  Thank you cards are dying off like Christmas cards.

[amyb]

@Trailrun23 The day sending a thoughtful gesture like flowers, a plant and/or thank you's becomes outdated...is a sad day. I think you were totally appropriate, and I believe it's still "a thing" to do so. I've done it in recent times. Or if someone asks for certain donations, "in lieu of flowers" then that's probably the thing to do. 

As for receiving thank you's or acknowledgements...not sure the protocol there...not sure I'd expect a "thank you" note, or how standard this is. It's another thing if you've talked to these people since, and they didn't acknowledge it; to me, that'd be an oversight on their part.

In my opinion they're still appropriate. How can a thoughtful gesture be considered passe'...I don't care what generation or what times we're living in. But...jmo.🤷‍♀️

[CalminHeart]

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@Trailrun23 wrote:

I have lost four friends within the past three months. One was the mother of my daughter in-law who lived out of state. The others were dear friends and I know their children who are in their 40's or 50's. I sent a beautiful plant to all of the funerals or to the family home. I never received any acknowledgment of any of them. I know they were delivered since I attended the services or I saw them in photos of the service. Is sending flowers or plants to a funeral no longer considered proper! I spent hundreds on these and thought it was a show of compassion and respect. I guess thank-yours are just no longer in style.  So you ever send flowers or plants to funerals or to a home where they have had a loss? 

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Send flowers/plants because you care, not because you want a thank you.

[sligo]

@
sunshine45. I prefer to send to the deceased favorite charity. The cemetary deopses of the flowers soon after the funerals.Flowers are very expensive and a charity will serve someone in need. My fave charity is St. Judes for the children

[Greeneyedlady21]

I would never expect thank yous from grieving people, I give people lots of grace in that area. Empathy because I've been through lots of it myself.

I wouldn't send any if that's your attitude about it, frankly. Including about how much you spent on them.

When my Mom died her former boss/supposed friend insisted on paying for the flowers for the funeral. She couldn't attendl the funeral and my stress level was honestly grateful for that (one would have to experience her to understand). She actually emailed me the invoice for the flowers that included the price! Unbelievably tacky.

It was two huge flower arrangements that were not my Mom's taste at all. Not that I wasn't grateful and I did thank her. But the flowers were about her and not about my Mom, if you knew her you would know that's a fact.

[qualitygal]

We have sent flowers to funeral homes in the past.

This is the 2nd post of this kind in 2 days.  Yesterday's sent the clear message of if you don't get thank you's don't send anything.  You may want to see some of those replys.

[qualitygal]

@ByrdieK  I agree with you 100%.  So sorry for your loss.  Hope you're doing ok.

[Pecky]

I think you have to remember that these people lost a family member and have other things on their minds.  When I lost my DH, sending thank you notes was the last thing on my mind.  I did send them eventually but it took awhile.

[RetRN]

Sending thank you notes is a priority for me. Clearly, I am in the minority which is fine.  I no longer send flowers due to the high cost but always send money for a memorial. I am slowly learning to accept the fact that times have changed--manners, thoughtfulness, and appreciation seem to be on the decline. 

[Hayfield]

I usually send a donation to the charity of their choice, I stopped sending flowers a while ago.  I usually get a thank you note or a telephone call and in one case I got a text "Thank you" and that's fine with me too.