Should I stop sending flowers?

Trailrun23 · ‎05-31-2022

I have lost four friends within the past three months. One was the mother of my daughter in-law who lived out of state. The others were dear friends and I know their children who are in their 40's or 50's. I sent a beautiful plant to all of the funerals or to the family home. I never received any acknowledgment of any of them. I know they were delivered since I attended the services or I saw them in photos of the service. Is sending flowers or plants to a funeral no longer considered proper! I spent hundreds on these and thought it was a show of compassion and respect. I guess thank-yours are just no longer in style. So you ever send flowers or plants to funerals or to a home where they have had a loss?

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

i either send a planter (dish garden, canoe basket, live single plant) OR donate to their charity of choice. other times i take a cooked meal if they are interested.

i honestly dont expect a thank you because sometimes it is quite difficult when someone is grieving to have to write letters or send cards to those who have reached out. sometimes i get a card, sometimes a phone call, sometimes a text or email, sometimes nothing at all.

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"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

Zwervend · ‎09-02-2023

I do not send flowers/plants. Where they go/who gets them after the services is just one more thing that the family has to deal with, and the flowers die within a week or so. When both of my parents and my sister died, we specifically requested that people NOT send flowers.

I wait until I see the obituary and then make a memorial donation to any charity that may be listed. If no charity is listed, I simply send a condolence card with a handwritten note of sympathy.

Regardless, IMHO thank you's should be sent for flowers, donations, etc. In reality, that doesn't always happen.

~Not a new poster, never been banned. Every time I take a break, I have to re-register for some reason~

PA Mom-mom · ‎05-27-2015

@Trailrun23 I don't understand why you didn't get an acknowledgement. Our funeral director usually saves the cards from the flowers before they donate them to local retirement homes, etc. Even so, we usually have someone from the family make a note of all the arrangements sent to the funeral. As part of the funeral package, we get about 50 thank you cards for us to send out. So, yes, you should have received thank you notes.

As suggested, maybe a contribution would be better. There is usually a streamlined notification to the family of the contribution. Sometimes the obit will state no flowers, so that might be an issue.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

Yes, a thank you is certainly correct; an exception for time might be an "untimely" passing may take longer (like a child) because of the untimely circumstance.

Trailrun23 · ‎05-31-2022

I usually send peace lilies or another plant basket arrangement since they last and can be used in a family member's home as a memory of their loved one. I have a peace Lily that was sent when I loss my mother 10 years ago. I have it thriving in my breakfast room and love seeing it each day. I guess I am more old-fashioned than most, but will probably just stop sending anything. Maybe a card. I do make donations to charities or to a church when I know their areas of interest.

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

I think that expecting a hand written thank you card in the mail is a thing of the past. It can cost lots of money to do so. The price of a stamp just went up to 68 cents. If you have a bunch to send that would add up. However, I think a courtesy email or at least a text would be in order. I wouldn't expect a phone call either for whatever reason. The times, they are a changin'.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Trailrun23 wrote:
I have lost four friends within the past three months. One was the mother of my daughter in-law who lived out of state. The others were dear friends and I know their children who are in their 40's or 50's. I sent a beautiful plant to all of the funerals or to the family home. I never received any acknowledgment of any of them. I know they were delivered since I attended the services or I saw them in photos of the service. Is sending flowers or plants to a funeral no longer considered proper! I spent hundreds on these and thought it was a show of compassion and respect. I guess thank-yours are just no longer in style. So you ever send flowers or plants to funerals or to a home where they have had a loss?

@Trailrun23 Frankly, having been involved in the responsibilities of funerals a number of times, I always wished people wouldn't send them.

I always had more than I could manage to deal with, and then come plants that you have to take care of, send thank-you's for, give them away, or watch them die. But that's me. Not speaking for anyone else.

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@Trailrun23,

First I'm so sorry for your loss of 4 friends in 3 months. That is a lot of loss to have.

My thoughts are, they usually say "in lieu of flowers," pls make a donation or etc etc. so I'm sure that was not the case here.

2nd, I think it sometimes takes much longer to send thank you cards than 3 months.

The third is, were you close to your friend's families? Sometimes even when we have a friend we are very close to, if not for many years and getting to know their families, they might not have sent you a card.

I think I am always amazed when people do send thank yous after a funeral or memorial. I know I have but also called people and actually most of the people who sent anything were also at the memorial because they were close to all of us.

I think it was a heartfelt thing you did and that should bring you comfort.It was a good thing to do.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"