Sexual Assault - Page 3

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

In college, I used to chalk it up to guys being guys, and I was so fiercely independent that I never let them "win." Even the married college professor didn't get his way, but did start a smear campaign. Then, oh, the joys of the workplace in the days before the words "sexual harassment" were part of the vernacular. I did get one chief reassigned to the outback, but only because I was the last in a long line of complaints. And more. But I am left knowing I always did what was right for me, not ever caving to the urges of some horn toad. Thank goodness I was raised to value myself and my space.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Sunnyfield wrote:
OK - I may be opening up a can of worms but I am interested to know if anyone ever had an experience similar to mine....

Years ago (I'm talking early 70's) I was in college and one of the typical spring events was for fraternities to have "house parties" in Florida - they would rent a block of rooms on the beach and take dates for a long weekend - chaperones were there of course, and boys/girls had separate rooms...but you know how that went...

Any way, I was there with a guy I was dating...went to my room where one of my roomates was sleeping with her boyfriend...I laid down (in my clothes) and went to sleep - woke up with a guy on top of my trying to take my shorts off...he was very drunk (I knew him - he was a fraternity brother of my date and was engaged to be married) - instead of being scared or horrified - I was embarrassed!!! Yes, embarrassed and kept trying to quietly get him off me but not wake up my roommate and her bf!! They finally did wake up and said something like "Get your own room" or "Can't you guys be quiet?" He ripped my shorts but never did get them off me - he finally passed out - I got out of the room and went to look for my date - never found him but found another girl and we went to her room - I never reported it...never told anyone except my date who laughed it off and said..."That figures...He's just a sloppy drunk - everyone knows it"...and blew it off...

Looking back, I am shocked at my attitude - feeling like I had done something wrong to attract his attention - and being embarrassed by the whole thing!! I don't think I ever even thought about it as an assault until quite recently....

Just curious as to what my fellow QVC posters think or may have experienced...

TIA

Sunny

Looking back, I'm sort of amazed

Sorry you experienced this. Back in the day, a lot of secksual aggression was dismissed either as "boys will be boys" or, even worse, "she must have been asking for it" ..... so it was her fault.

I've read that something like 3 out of 4 rapes are never reported, because women tend to feel humiliation, shame and embarrassment. In this day and age, it's sad to see people say "Well, why didn't you just report it" ... as if it was the woman's fault for not coming forward.

It's very upsetting to be taken by surprise like that ...... and, at the very least, you got away and found a friend to spend time with.

It was a very unpleasant experience ..... and I'm glad you got away.

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

i met a man at a nightclub. i was in my late 30s, out with friends. we all went to breakfast after and i got to know him a bit. i was not the slightest bit intoxicated. for my age group, the usual deal was to go out dancing, have a few drinks and then go for breakfast at :200 AM. we exchanged phone numbers. i liked him , he seemed mature, accomplished and had a great job. we chatted on the phone and then he invited me over for dinner. my friends cautioned me but i didnt listen. they said he should have driven the distance to take me out. ahh womens lib. i was independent and a survivor!!! i drove close to an hour to his house, on a lake, beautiful property.

after he offerred a tour of his house, he poured a drink for me. there was no dinner or even a snack. the next thing i knew he was all over me, forcing himself on me. i was pretty strong then from working out and fended him off, but it was a match of wills there for a while. seriously, i was sacred beyond bellief. i had no cell phone or any way to call for help. i managed to grab my coat and purse and get out of the house. he called a few times and left messages saying he was sorry but i did not return his calls. i blamed myself for being too trusting. i should not have gone there, i shaould have known...blahh blahh. he was at fault for being a ******

mstyrion 1 · ‎09-18-2014

@esmerelda wrote:
"Repressed memories"...can be a dangerous thing.

_________________________________________________________

Since you mentioned this never happened to you, I can assure you that if you experienced a sexual assault in your teens or twenties like the OP mentioned, there would be no "repressed" memory. The memory doesn't leave you.

The statistics on how many women have been sexually assaulted in one form or another are staggering. One in five women report being raped. The incidence of non-rape sexual assault are much higher.

Let's not go down the path of debating "repressed memory". That term doesn't even really apply here.

~Enough is enough~

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

@esmerelda wrote:
No experience, happily. You were embarrassed rather than terrified because he was drunk, you knew him, your date knew him, you were in a room with two other people you knew. Quite different from being grabbed in a dark alley by a sober stranger with a weapon.

You were sleeping and, again, he was drunk. How can you think you caused it or brought it on yourself or however you put it?

And what has caused you to drag up this memory?

Have you seen him in all these years?

I think your boyfriend had a good reaction. Of course he was taking his cue from you. If you'd been screaming hysterically, he'd probably have reacted differently than he did.

The stranger with a weapon in an alley is what we're all taught to fear, but it does not match the facts. While that absolutely does happen, the majority of rapes are by people the victims know.

From RAINN:

Approximately 4/5 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
82% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
25% are an intimate.
5% are a relative.

Source: https://rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders RAINN also cites their own sources and those stats came from the U.S. Department of Justice, National Crime Victimization Study: 2009-2013.

And that site also has a link to get help, in case anyone needs it.

Click here for Forum Tips

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@ChynnaBlue wrote:
@esmerelda wrote:
No experience, happily. You were embarrassed rather than terrified because he was drunk, you knew him, your date knew him, you were in a room with two other people you knew. Quite different from being grabbed in a dark alley by a sober stranger with a weapon.

You were sleeping and, again, he was drunk. How can you think you caused it or brought it on yourself or however you put it?

And what has caused you to drag up this memory?

Have you seen him in all these years?

I think your boyfriend had a good reaction. Of course he was taking his cue from you. If you'd been screaming hysterically, he'd probably have reacted differently than he did.

The stranger with a weapon in an alley is what we're all taught to fear, but it does not match the facts. While that absolutely does happen, the majority of rapes are by people the victims know.

From RAINN:
Approximately 4/5 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
82% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
25% are an intimate.
5% are a relative.

Source: https://rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders RAINN also cites their own sources and those stats came from the U.S. Department of Justice, National Crime Victimization Study: 2009-2013.

And that site also has a link to get help, in case anyone needs it.

I was explaining why she may have felt embarrassed...nothing more. Jeeez.

*********************
Keepin' it real.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@mstyrion 1 wrote:
@esmerelda wrote:
"Repressed memories"...can be a dangerous thing.
_________________________________________________________
Since you mentioned this never happened to you, I can assure you that if you experienced a sexual assault in your teens or twenties like the OP mentioned, there would be no "repressed" memory. The memory doesn't leave you.

The statistics on how many women have been sexually assaulted in one form or another are staggering. One in five women report being raped. The incidence of non-rape sexual assault are much higher.

Let's not go down the path of debating "repressed memory". That term doesn't even really apply here.

Of course the memory doesn't leave you. Although it can change over time. You might remember it differently. The more traumatic the memory, the more emotional you are about it, the more likely it is to "change." Like the "eyewitness"...not always so reliable.

*********************
Keepin' it real.

Say Nay · ‎03-12-2010

Sorry to all of those who have been assaulted. I think it happens far more frequently than is reported.

When I was 9 I took co-ed swimming classes at the Y and we had one female and one male coach. When class would transition over to the older kids a few of the older boys would get in the water early and start grabbing the younger girls' boobs and crotches. The male coach watched and snickered. The female coach pretended she didn't see anything. After I was grabbed two or three times I told my mother the pool water was making me sick and I never went back.

_____ ,,,^ ._. ^,,,_____

mstyrion 1 · ‎09-18-2014

@esmerelda wrote:
@mstyrion 1 wrote:
@esmerelda wrote:
"Repressed memories"...can be a dangerous thing.
_________________________________________________________
Since you mentioned this never happened to you, I can assure you that if you experienced a sexual assault in your teens or twenties like the OP mentioned, there would be no "repressed" memory. The memory doesn't leave you.

The statistics on how many women have been sexually assaulted in one form or another are staggering. One in five women report being raped. The incidence of non-rape sexual assault are much higher.

Let's not go down the path of debating "repressed memory". That term doesn't even really apply here.
Of course the memory doesn't leave you. Although it can change over time. You might remember it differently. The more traumatic the memory, the more emotional you are about it, the more likely it is to "change." Like the "eyewitness"...not always so reliable.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Broadly over-stated.

Again. Since you've never experienced a sexual assault, I don't think you can speak with authority regarding the memory.

~Enough is enough~

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

Back in the 60's and early 70's when I was very young there was an incident with an athlete at school who would not take no for an answere. If it had not been for some male friends who heard me screaming for help and came to my aide, I'm sure I would have been beaten up and raped. From that time on I was very aware of what could happen to a tiny girl who could not defend herself against unwanted advances. Also, shortly after I was married and started work at a local hospital, one of the married doctors who flirted shamelessly with all the young nurses and other staff on the floor where I worked followed me into a utility room and tried to kiss me. I remember telling him to back off and he said I should be glad that I was such a hit with the doctors. I told him if he didn't leave me alone I would have my husband come to the hospital to speak with him. Well, that's all it took, he turned on his heels, left that utility room and never bothered me again. I think when men try to force themselves on women, they have no respect for the woman or themselves and drunk is not an excuse to try and have sex with someone.