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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

1.   A housewife's battle:  The household stares at me.  I stare right back.  Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth.  I won.

 

2.   Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

 

3.   He who wakes up early yawns all day.

 

4.   I'm all for irony, but the phrase "Good Morning" seems to be going a bit too far.

 

5.   You'll only be young once.  But you can enjoy being infantile forever.

 

6.   Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that ransom would actually be paid.

 

7.   No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.

 

8.   I am in touch with my motivation.  I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

 

9.   If a man says he will fix it, he'll fix it.  There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

 

10.   What do you have in common with a Victoria Secrets best model?  I'm hungry too.

 

11.   I didn't fall down.  I did attack the floor though.

 

12.   Funny that you can't spell "slaughter" without laughter.

 

13.   We got divorced on the grounds of religious reasons.  My husband thought he was God.

 

14.   Money alone won't make you happy.  You've got to own it..

 

15.                    A SOUND DEFENSE

        Crazy?  Me?  Nah - it was the noises that told

        me to do it.

 

16.   I spoke fluent Ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.

 

17.   I used to think you were a pain in the neck.  My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.

 

18.   Sorry, I can't hang out.  My aunties, cousins, brother-in-law's best friend's accountant's roomates' pet goldfish died.  Some other time maybe.

 

19.   I've loads of things to do today.  Oh well, so now I have loads of things to do tomorrow.

 

20.   Of course you're not fat.  Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.

 

21.   If somebody calls you ugly, you can just say, "You've mistaken me for your mirror again, haven't you?

 

22.   I'm breathing.  That's about it for today's productivity.

 

23.   A broad smile is a cooler way to show your enemies that you have teeth.

 

24.   Rule No 1:  Women are always right.

        Rule No 2:  If a woman is always right,

        Rule  No 1 applies.

 

25.   Girls want a lot from one guy.  On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.

 

                                  To Be Continued

                             Short Funny Jokes. com

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,404
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Thanks 😂🤣😂🤣

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,403
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

And laugh I did! 🤣🤣🤣🙏❤️☕️

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,048
Registered: ‎08-20-2012

      Good laugh for a Friday the 13th!!!!  Thanks!!!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,198
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma  Number This collection of tummy ticklers has me in stitches!!! Numbers 4, 9, 10, 16, 19, 20, and 25 will remain with me for awhile.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖