Community Chat

[twentysixteen]

First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR Q POSTERS!!!!

i read this in an facebook beauty group last week and wondered what posters here think about this opinion.

“When asked what raw beauty is, I always respond that raw beauty is about each individual woman nourishing a form of beauty that can never be taken away from her, a beauty that empowers her.

If we all honor and respect our individual beauty, then we can honor and respect the beauty and humanness of others.

Of the seven raw beauty principles, principle number five is on elevating relationships and communities — surround yourself with women who raise you higher and support you to create the life you want to live. And be this person for others.

I can put my hand on my heart and say many moons ago that I loved gossip. I would be right there in the thick of it. It made me feel safe because I fitted in and everyone was doing it. Part of me knew it was not okay on one level, we are all told at school that talking about other people is not nice, but it was exciting to pick apart someone’s behaviour and life as if myself and my friends knew better. It was exciting to be part of a heightened drama.

Looking back I realised that in investing so much time in discussing what I thought was wrong with someone else’s life I did not have to focus on what was missing from mine.

It was when I cottoned on to the fact that the women I was gossiping with would also be gossiping about me when my back was turned that I knew I was not safe or respected. I did not want to feel that way and I did not want any other woman to either.

I started to feel “off” whenever I said anything to put another woman down or had been listening to a conversation that was full of nasty gossip.

When it felt wrong I knew I had to make some decisions about who I wanted to be. But the hard part was then taking the actions to shift this part of myself. I felt quite lonely for a while, not being involved in many conversations, but I felt better in myself and about myself.

One of my phrases became and still is “I do not feel comfortable being part of this conversation.” If I need to I will physically remove myself. Not always easy, but always worth it.

What I know is that I have no idea what is going on for another woman unless she tells me. That for me to have nasty and judgemental conversations about another woman not only puts her down, it puts me down, too.

We all have the ability to be judgmental, but our ability to drop that judgement as soon as it appears is where our compassion lives. Whoever we are, we are on the same journey. We thrive, we fall down, we hurt, we try, we make big mistakes and we dream.

The more we can walk the journey together as women, the stronger our individual and collective beauty becomes. I am no saint. I occasionally find myself listening a bit too long, but I can pull myself out much quicker.

I invite you to listen today. Are you surrounded by women who raise each other higher, and are you this woman for others?”

Kemi Nekvapil, author, speaker, life coach 

[GCR18]

#truth.

[Laura14]

I am going to be a dissenter here.  

I have never and will never be about I am woman let us all roar. Every time I hear someone put that forth like we are all some kind of tribe working for a common goal, I cringe and it turns me off more than you could ever know. 

We are individuals regardless of our gender with totally separate lives, ideas, ethics, morals, goals, etc. Asking us to conform to one person's idea of what a cohesive same sex group should be is ludicrous.  

I have never gossiped because I was taught at an early age, it's not nice.  Does that make me better than anyone else?  No.  It makes me lucky to have had a good teacher early in my life. 

Frankly I think real beauty is putting your own eyes in your own mirror and working on you and that low self esteem that seems to trip us all up and make us tear each other down. 

Women can hide behind pretty FB posts like this or hashtags about MeToo but at the end of that day, just be the best person you can be in the world that day.  Forget about anyone else and what they do or do not do.  Just like gossip, that's none of your business either.  

[PhilaLady1]

Please don't take this personally, it is just my opinion.  To me, this seems like a bunch of B.S.    What is Raw Beauty ?  There is no such thing.  When I think raw, I think of not cooked.   Nourishing a form of beauty ?  More silliness. 

[geezerette]

@Laura14   👍

[sidsmom]

‘I have never gossiped....’

🤔

Ah....hate to break the news, but

These boards....these anonymous posts...are a form of gossip

when talking about anyone, especially one’s family/friends

at holiday time.

[on the bay]

This is a long speech on things that are personal to the author and not easily relatable for me anyway.

It seems she had to work very hard at not gossiping or listening to gossip for a lot of her life.

It makes me think of "mean girls."

I decided when I was 13 and was sitting in the back seat driving somewhere with 2 other girlfriends who were "gossiping" and not in a nice way about other girls, that I never wanted to be like that or that kind of person.

Listening is when you care about someone enough to listen to what matters to them.

Most of the time when we talk to each other (people I know) about others, it is out of concern-how are they? What are they enjoying or going thru? And wishes that they feel better etc. or what we love or like about them.Or laughing with each other about something endearing about someone or ourselves.

Of course, there are all times we need to vent about things that bother us about others. And I'm sure as close friends and family, we need to do this sometimes. Hopefully we might be able to address the person that it is causing whatever is bothering us. Though sometimes you just have to have someone else to talk to first about it all. 

Basically I would hope that most of our relationships were built on caring about each other.

I kind of agree with @PhilaLady1,

that is seems like a lot of bs with the author's hope that it is a great speech.I think it feels like she wants to impress others with her thoughts.

I never like the kind of speeches where someone discovers something about themselves and then addresses a group of women as if we all have the same experience. Kind of like @Laura14's sentiments.

So back to the drawing board!

[chrystaltree]

How very New Age-ish, circa 1971.

[Laura14]

That is so well said @on the bay.  My first thought too was uncomfortableness at the expectation this author had of being lauded by all for finding her conscience on this issue.

You don't have to be approved by social media especially by the other people on it to be a worthy human being.  Boy is she going to have a long wait if that's what she wants. 

I felt sorry for her that she hasn't discovered that yet but I'm sure she'll get there.          

[blackhole99]

Nobody wants to be around a group of women who just talk trash about other women or people in general. That being said, women like to gossip and give advice ,even if it's really none of their business. I guess when you start worrying that your friends are talking about you when you are not there, then it's time to move on. I remember when I was in high school and even in college, some of the girls talked so mean and nasty I preferred the friendship of guys.