1. Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
2. The perfect man doesn't swear, doesn't smoke, doesn't get angry, doesn't drink. He also doesn't exist.
3. Do not let your mind wander too far. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
4. Just you keep on talking; for sure, someday you'll say something intelligent.
5. Every rule has no exception, this rule is no exception.
6. When the weekend is over: "Where exactly was I in the night from Friday to Monday????
7. Promises are like babies. They're fun to make but hard to deliver.
8. Heck yes, I'm short. God only lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn't take as long as others.
9. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be normal. I mean, do those people even have fun?
10. Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together
Police: Where is your house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house
11. We live in an age when pizza gets to your house before the police do.
12. After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said: You're "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K." Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot." She smiled happily an said..."Oh, that's so lovely...What about I,J,K.?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding." The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his family jewels.
13. BOy: My father's name is LAUGHING and my mother's name is SMILING.
TEACHER: You must be kidding!
BOY: No, that's my brother and I'm JOKING..
14. Only two things can change a woman's mood.
1. I LOVE YOU
2. 50% DISCOUNT
15. That frail moment when you pull the blankets up and punch yourself in the face.
16. A man and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 A.M. for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 A.M., he left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up only to discover it was 9:00 A.M. and had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. the paper said, It's 5:00 A.M., wake up.
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
17. Did you know there's an APP on your phone that makes you look ugly? It's called "CAMERA"
18. I think I'm going to write a book... How To Understand Women, by Kevin. You can't. The End.
19. Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how did you know that?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window
instead of the door.
20. I'm already doing 60 in a 30mph zone and still that guy is blinding me with those fancy lights. The world is full of
psychos!
The End
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The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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