Community Chat

[Black Cat Back]

I have been seeing a therapist for a few months after the sudden death of my parents and job issues, etc. At first she was very attentive and compassionate.

Lately, some of her actions are bothering me. First of all, my appt last time was at 2pm. She sat there for half the appt eating soup in front of me. She could have had her lunch earlier or scheduled clients so she didn't have to do lunch during their session. She will constantly interrupt me mid-sentence and ask me if I want a Tic Tac. It seems to happen every session.

Then, when I tell her how I feel and I need help getting through the grief and fear, her pat response is, "You'll deal with it." She never offers any guidance on how to deal with it. Heck, if I knew how to deal with it I wouldn't be paying for her services.

I just am so tired of the unprofessional behavior out there in the medical world. It seems she just sits there and is entertained by my issues. She never offers any guidance at all. However, she will always give me an example of something or someone in her own life and goes on and on about that, taking up my time.

She's the second one I went to. The first one was a PhD. She wore diamonds galore. She was always touching her diamond pendants, or rings or playing with her expensive bangles. If I were a therapist, I wouldn't flaunt my wealth in front of clients who have all sorts of issues, many fianancial. I stopped going to her, felt I was contributing to her jewelry collection with what she charged for visits.

I went online a couple weeks back and looked up what constitutes a bad therapist. The one shining item on the list was when they dismiss your feelings and say, "You'll deal with it." You would think therapists would know better. Not so!

Has anyone else had experiences like these? I am going to look around for someone new, but it's a pain having to repeat your issues and start the relationship all over again.

I don't think those caring and motivating therapists you see on TV exist in the real world. I think, from these experiences, they take advantage of people's vulnerability.

I'm discouraged because I really need someone to talk to.

[Snowpuppy]

I'd encourage you to find someone else. My only experience is seeking counseling when I was going thru divorce.

The first counselor I was referred to thru my insurance co. He was AWFUL. OMG. I felt completely hopeless when I left his office! That was 3 sessions. Never went back.

The 2nd one I tried was great! We picked issues to work on and a timetable to resolve. If anything came up between sessions we could certainly discuss but he kept me on track to make progress. I went for 6 mos, took a break and went back for 6 more mos.

Make a list of issues you want to resolve so you make progress and don't become a Professional Patient.

[Black Cat Back]

Thanks Snowpuppy.

Glad I'm not the only one.

I do make notes for each session, but this particular therapist is not helping. I leave her office feeling worse than before.

[Retiredpsych]

If the therapist was a clinical psychologist (PhD or PsyD), MFT or MD, they are licensed. Their licensing board has strict requirements for their behavior. I urge you to file a complaint with the appropriate licensing board. There is, of course, no accounting for just bad manners (eating during a session), but, if the therapist was resolving your problems with glib remarks like " You deal with it." that is unprofessional.

[I am still oxox]

I can sympathize, I started seeing a therapist recently, in fact the week before my Mom passed away, and yet when I called her it too her two days to get back to me, and now she is on vacation and I will not see her for another two weeks.

I think its time to fine another one soon and dismiss the first one

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I don't think you need a therapist per se, you need someone with some empathy and common sense!

If you don't have anyone in your life you can turn to, I would check out the dailystrength.org website for bereavement groups.

[ROMARY]

Lots of grief support groups just about everywhere. We receive (legitimate) events calendars and postcards from the various hospitals/medical groups/HMO's, etc. You don't even have to be a member. Also, community centers. Look in a real phone book in the community services section, usually a separate section. Most are free or minimum fees. I do think that you will be happier being among a group of folks in the same situation, discussing your experiences, feelings, etc. ........... Oh, I just thought of this: Often times the funeral homes have links to local grief support groups, usually no charge. You might want to Web search their various sites to find their individual links.

[Black Cat Back]

On 11/7/2014 catwhisperer said:

Sounds like the ""therapists"" need much more help than you do. You are probably stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Thanks for the good ideas everyone.

catwhisperer: I appreciate the support. I couldn't help but laugh at your comment about the therapists. Sometimes I sit there and just think the same thing about them.

[violann]

I once went to a therapist when I was severely depressed (death of my dad) and he LEFT THE COUNTRY without notifying me or canceling my appointment. The shock of his mismanagement actually "fixed" me. I figured if he could scr*w up that badly, I was in better shape than I'd thought. Maybe that's your situation too, OP.

[Black Cat Back]

On 11/8/2014 violann said: I once went to a therapist when I was severely depressed (death of my dad) and he LEFT THE COUNTRY without notifying me or canceling my appointment. The shock of his mismanagement actually "fixed" me. I figured if he could scr*w up that badly, I was in better shape than I'd thought. Maybe that's your situation too, OP.

That is so true. This therapist of mine double booked appts once. Both me and the other patient were in the office waiting and she came out with this perplexed look on her face. I was so upset, I just told the other gal to take the appt. The therapist was so apologetic when she called me to reschedule.

I know what I need to do. I will remember your post and know that I'm in a lot better shape than her for sure.