Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE...

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

1. between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don't know and I don't care.

2. How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the "p"

3. My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend's truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, "Can't we sit in the truck until you find your key?"

4. Did you hear about the two psychiatrists who passed each other on a walk? One said to the other, "You're fine, How am I?"

5. A fellow commuter walked onto the train while talking to his mother. From what I could glean, he was trying to end the conversation, but she wasn't having it. I say that because the man finally declared in a loud, exasperated voice, "No, I do not want to talk to the dog,!"

6. The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.

7. If you understand English press 1. If you do not understand English press 2.

8. One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby, but because she is one of my skinniest friends.

9. After hearing a sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS, "I can't sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I'll send the rest."

10. LOGIC: "If you fall off the swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam