Personalities - Page 5

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

What I'm saying is no one gets a nasty response out of the blue, they have engaged in the discussion, they aren't innocent bystanders.

There are lots of friendly threads not all found in AF. Just like there are charming films, there are also horror films, slasher films. If I don't want gore or to be frightened I stay away from those. All of us have changed the channel when a show has become unpleasant. So why is it that posters can't just leave threads that have become unpleasant? Why do posters continue to engage with those who have become nasty and then whant sympathy for their hurt feelings?

SydneyH · ‎03-10-2010

I think some just can't won't accept 'differences of opinion' and can't refrain from being rude.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Hi all, again! I'd like to share a story so dear to my heart.

My children attended a nearby elementary school where special needs children also attended. They attended separate classes but we're mainstreamed in certain common areas.

One day my daughter came home, crying and crying. When I asked what was wrong, she related an ugly incident in the lunchroom. She was sitting at a table with a bunch of kids. They noticed a special needs child sitting alone, having a hard time eating by herself, of course not eating neatly. So they started making fun of this child. So I asked my daughter what happened next. She said "I went over and sat with her. It's not her fault she eats like she does." She was in the third grade. I thought YES, I HAVE RAISED A WINNER! One of my high points of a mother, so many years ago. And when I got a phone call from another mother, telling me how her son was bullied on the playground. His offense? He had to repeat a grade. This mother told me she heard from her son that my son confronted a group of these bullies. "Stop it now! Don't you know you are hurting xxx's feelings?" ANOTHER WINNER! Not saying they were or are perfect (they are long grown), but I knew they had grasped a powerful concept.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

Oops--just realised I've posted to the wrong thread--I'll move the post.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Hi occasional rain, If I am hearing you correctly, your point is that if one is on this forum, one has to expect being attacked personally for expressing their view in a respectful way. Do you feel this is right? I do agree with you on your second point. That is, when someone responds - out of the blue - with an inappropriate attack, it's time to leave. Not to respond in kind, to be dragged down. Maybe the best response would be to state "Your response is very hurtful to me." And leave the forum. I guess I should spend my time on a pet forum. I love animals, and I have my lovely Lily, my adopted Maine Coon kitty. I am now exhausted from all this !!!

kittymomNC · ‎08-09-2012

@PamfromCT wrote:
Good morning all! In response to the latest post, I guess I'd like to say that no one is perfect. We all have bad moments. There is a difference between being direct and to the point and going on the attack. So, can I get this right? If someone is hurt by a very nasty post, the answer is that they are on the wrong forum? Have I heard you correctly? I do want to understand your viewpoint. As far as bullying, I still maintain that to go out of your way to purposely hurt someone is bullying behavior. I'm not talking about face-to-face situations where I'm sure we all have lost control. Wow, have I said things in anger I wish I could take back. If I have ever offended anyone, I apologize.

Pam, I certainly agree with you. It doesn't really matter what forum you're on, you can be personally attacked on these boards for stating a differing opinion in the Fashion Forum, or the Temptations Forum, or just about any others. There are a few forums here where I haven't seen that, or those ugly kinds of posts are few and far between, but if a poster has a mean attitude, they will use it, no matter the subject or the forum. And there have been some here that made me wonder if they ever had anything nice to say to anyone.

I have said things that I wish I could take back, and I've apologized to a number of posters if I thought I had been too harsh or misinterpreted their intentions (or if someone said I had been). It's sometimes really hard to be certain that one's words are interpreted the way they're meant when people are not face to face.

And it sounds like you raised great kids! It reminded me of once when my son was young and was playing T-ball. A young boy who was new AND wearing glasses was having a hard time and some of the kids were not too kind... my son went out to help him and gave him some pointers about hitting the ball. I was so proud of him!

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Thank you, Kittymom!!!

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@Smaug wrote:
@kittymomNC wrote:
Maybe everyone didn't have the "enjoyment" of reading some of what I've read here. But there have been some very cruel and hurtful things said to posters, which anyone with half an ounce of caring for another human being would have found offensive. I don't care if it's an anonymous board, or who those things are said to... many people here post from their hearts, and to have their sentiments torn apart and ridiculed in such harsh ways is not something I find in the least humorous, no matter what excuses are made for it.
Excuse me but I believe you forgot your behavior towards me several months ago. It surprises me (or maybe not) when posters step forward with words of wisdom and insight when their actions don't even remotely resemble what they're saying.

This is a perfect example of a poster trying to derail a thread making it about themselves.

When they call out another poster, few will resist defending themselves or making counter accusations. Those who do resist should be commended. What follows is a back and forth that disregards the OP, derails the thread, and ruins the discussion for others.

kittymomNC · ‎08-09-2012

@occasionalrain wrote:
@Smaug wrote:
@kittymomNC wrote:
Maybe everyone didn't have the "enjoyment" of reading some of what I've read here. But there have been some very cruel and hurtful things said to posters, which anyone with half an ounce of caring for another human being would have found offensive. I don't care if it's an anonymous board, or who those things are said to... many people here post from their hearts, and to have their sentiments torn apart and ridiculed in such harsh ways is not something I find in the least humorous, no matter what excuses are made for it.
Excuse me but I believe you forgot your behavior towards me several months ago. It surprises me (or maybe not) when posters step forward with words of wisdom and insight when their actions don't even remotely resemble what they're saying.

This is a perfect example of a poster trying to derail a thread making it about themselves.

When they call out another poster, few will resist defending themselves or making counter accusations. Those who do resist should be commended. What follows is a back and forth that disregards the OP, derails the thread, and ruins the discussion for others.

I'm not quite sure how to take your comment. I asked this poster to tell me what she's referring to so I could address it, as I cannot remember everything I posted here for months. She chose not to do that, but just post an emoticon which further enhanced "the mystery", but continued the derogatory accusation against me. You will see that I ended it, but she came back again--I did not.

And in case you don't realize it, you are doing exactly the same thing you just accused me of doing, I stopped the "derailment" in post #24, and here you've started it again in post #48. I will not continue to engage you. Say whatever you want.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

K, you are probably right but I didn't know how else to show what happens in threads with good discussions that deteriate into personal arguments. Some posters are continually playing the victim, whining, and nothing, no apology, will pacify them.

I meant no offence to you. I don't blame you for falling Into the trap.

I'm so sorry, I just noticed that I quoted the post I meant but also your response which I hadn't meant to quote.