Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

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@maestra wrote:

Unless you're paying my bills, I'm gonna say what I want to say. I'm not walking on eggshells.

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Tres charmant.

[SharkE]

means "very charming".

[Drythe]

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@SharkE wrote:

means "very charming".

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In Southern it means "You're so SWEET"

[dooBdoo]

          So many great responses here and I want to add what I posted previously on a thread a few months ago.  I've learned some things from a valued mentor and also from making a lot of mistakes, myself...  and trying to examine them and learn from them.  So please excuse a soapbox moment...



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1 -- It helps to try and spend less time pointing fingers at others, including the moderators or someone using the report feature, and more time being self-aware of the way our own words sound to others.



2 -- Reading the published standards to be sure we know what's expected can save us from some frustration.  It's fruitless to start a thread, or add responses, if they clearly are violations... and then fuss and fume because they're removed.



3 -- It's important to be an effective witness to our point of view.
         
        Starting with the presumption that we post because we want our opinion to be heard and considered, it's important to avoid insulting or demeaning the other person, or attempting to beat them into submission.  

 (If we don't care if our post is heard or considered, then I guess that's another issue.)  

        If we feel attacked, mocked, or debased, beaten down,  if the other person is condescending, dismissive, haughty, or sarcastic... our ability and willingness to be open to opposing views is gone or at least greatly diminished.
 
        In other words,  "attack" the topic, not the poster.    

        If we try to take away the other persons dignity, we actually end up taking away our own dignity.  And the value of our own opinion is instantly diminished.


        I think some people get a strange rush from jabs, pokes, "gotcha moments," but they fail to realize it's a sad commentary on their character and really says little or nothing about the person they targeted.   It's like those who boast of being "brutally honest," all the while relishing the brutality far more than the perceived "honesty."  And (with the exception of "herd" or "mob" mentality urging on an attack) most of the onlookers see that and remember it.   Frankly, in my opinion, it's not clever, or difficult, or admirable to be insulting or mean-spirited -- it's much easier ("cheap shots" are called that for a reason) to do that than it is to take the time to think about how our words will be received and use that time to be more respectful and thoughtful in our approach.

      If all parties can walk away from a discussion with their dignity intact, understanding that all of us are valuable and we won't always agree, wouldn't that be a great outcome and prevent grudges being perpetuated and carried to future conversations?

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         Even though I understand some will disagree with what I've written here, I'd ask trying to keep it in mind when observing the next verbal battle and see if it rings true at least to some extent.

         As I said, I've made these mistakes and more.  I know I will again.  Partly because the written word is so limiting, misunderstandings are normal, people have passionate feelings, and partly because we're all human and fallible.   But that doesn't mean it's not worth the effort if we respect ourselves.

      Off the soapbox...  well, for now...

[Moonchilde]

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@Drythe wrote:

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@SharkE wrote:

means "very charming".

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In Southern it means "You're so SWEET"

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AKA Bless your heart ;-)

[dooBdoo]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@Drythe wrote:

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@SharkE wrote:

means "very charming".

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In Southern it means "You're so SWEET"

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AKA Bless your heart ;-)

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        @Moonchilde!

[Lovingq]

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@Drythe wrote:

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@traveler wrote:

If you want harsh go to the  Fashion board.  Some of the fashionistas not only give opinions on a product but the women who buy it.. And they always act like their review is the only answer.

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Not to mention those who swear by Wen.

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@Plaid Pants2

I don't "swear by" WEN.  I do use and like it.  I post frequently on the WEN forum - where the personal attacks on the vendor - lifestyle, clothes, looks, car, etc. are very common, and pointed.  I see nothing similar in any other forum.  I do not respond in kind when I reply to someone who has called me a "cult" member, or told me I've "drunk the Kool-aid", or that I "don't know how to manage my money".  But I do respond.

My reviews, are just that, my reviews.

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I personally find it offensive to read that Wen causes hair loss when I've been using it for a number of years and have never had hair loss.  I'm glad that the vendor stated on another outlet, that he will vigorously defend his product.  

[SharkE]

Didn't know that about WEN

[maestra]

Yep-for that time being...

[qualitygal]

@dooBdoo, would you consider being a "write-in" this political year?