Community Chat

[KYToby]

I say send the card and add a note indicating the chair is there. Let him know that it is in the way, and if he does not get in touch with you soon, you will have to get rid of it.

[jeanlake]

I'm so sorry, Rerun. Family is family and sometimes it hurts. As one poster often states -- you can't reason with unreasonable people. I fear your uncle, even though he did good work throughout his lifetime, isn't a reasonable person. He sounds like someone who got used to others taking care of him and he didn't want it to stop. I'm glad you have cousins to share your emotions with. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Take the high road with your uncle, but don't allow him to step on you.

[BellaPaprika]

I would not send a card nor pics nor anything. He cut himself off and by reaching out you're just going to give him hope that he can use you the way he did your father. You don't need him.

[qualitygal]

I say, listen to your heart and head. On one hand I'd say, don't alienate family, but mostly, I see him as a taker. Taker's make your life miserable. You know what's best for your situation and your decisions will be what you are going to live with. See what your bottom line is and what you can live with in your decisions. I have an only child, and that's what I'd tell him. Good luck, it's not an easy time. You sound like you're smart, and you'll do ok.

[jubilant]

Sometimes people who were once givers can become takers. They have been enabled so much by other people and grew so accustomed to it that now it is expected. This could be what happened with your Uncle. I have seen this happen in my own family where a once hardworking giver went through some bad times and another member of the family came in and did too much. Today....that person is ok on their own....but has lost confidence in his ability to make it on his own. While he is perfectly able to do it....he really still thinks he needs others to "help" him do it. The fact is that some of these people have lost confidence in their own abilities and really believe that they can't do it. Many parents do this with their own children and, while their intentions are good, it actually has a ''crippling" effect on their children. I am not saying that is the case here. I just thought I would throw this out there as it had a "familiar ring" to me because of a situation I have observed over the years.

I agree with Ury's and some other similar posts as the best way to handle it.

[RERUN]

I've decided to send a card with the pictures, sign my name and that is it. I'll keep you posted if I hear from him or not. I feel in my heart that is what I need to do and then it is done and off my mind.

Thanks for your support, caring and advice!

[Ms X]

I'd be careful of this uncle, Rerun. He sounds like a user and a scammer. Maybe he wanted to rent your father's house so he could get a toehold there and then claim it was supposed to be given to him and refuse to leave or pay rent. When he didn't get what he wanted from you, he had no more use for you. That tells you all you need to know about his true motives.

[chickenbutt]

Sounds like a nice guy - NOT!

You don't owe him anything.