Community Chat

[goodstuff]

What a good and caring neighbor and friend you are! Obviously, however, you are in no position to take over the full load of caring for your neighbor as she ages and needs increasing help and supervision.

Since she has approached you for help and has even asked about the possibility of you moving in with her, I think you have the perfect opportunity to talk with her about her situation. I'd gently, firmly tell her you have your own responsibilities, and that while you're always ready to help in an emergency, she can't depend on you for ongoing help. I'd try to get contact info for her children so you'll have that at hand, and strongly suggest to her that it's time for her to have a sit-down with her grown children to discuss her situation and her needs as she gets older and needs more help. She needs to talk with her own family about care options (visiting assistants, housekeeping, assisted living, move closer to her children, whatever) and also needs to be sure her finances and legal affairs are in order (will, living will, power of attorney, etc.) If necessary, you could call one of her children to discuss their mother's growing needs for help and suggest it's time for them to get more involved.

[focksie]

I think you said all you need to say to her in your OP:

" I am happy to go shopping for her and run errands, get her mail, etc. and visit with her, but I just cannot go through more caregiving."

A simple explanation like this is not cruel or nasty. You have been through a lot yourself and you can't be expected to take care of the world. It's time to think of #1.

I was recently a caregiver and it almost killed me. Don't get sucked in and don't feel guilty about it, especially since she has children.

[NanaS]

BLESS YOU FOR BEING CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR NEIGHBOR. ALL VERY GOOD ADVICE HERE..........SET BOUNDARIES BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY CONFRONT HER FAMILY AND SEE IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM INVOLVED SOMEHOW. IF THEY KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE AND WILLING TO HELP THEY WILL CONTINUE TO JUST LET YOU DO IT. SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. ITS A VERY DELICATE SITUATION AND ANYONE WITH A KIND HEART IS GOING TO HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME WITH THIS !!!