My poor dad (may be long)

cookinfreak · ‎03-31-2010

My dad is in a nursing facility with dementia & had a stroke a couple of years ago. They called me Fri to tell me that he hadn't been eating well and refused to get out of bed for 2 days. I left work and went to see him. He was sleeping and it took me a few minutes to wake him up. His voice was just a whisper and he kept falling asleep. I asked if he hurt anywhere and he shook his head no. Asked if he felt sick, he shook his head no. I asked are you just tired? He nodded yes. Asked do you want to sleep some more? He nodded yes. I stayed for a little while and left. Called a couple of times that night to see if any change. Went to see him Sat morning. He was the same. My SIL went to see him, he was the same. Sun morning, my SIL, my nephew (her son) and wife and I went to see him. Still the same. They brought up hospice care. His sister lives in Chicago but is visiting her daughter who is a couple hours from me. They came to see him Sun afternoon and he was the same for them. My niece (SIL's daughter) wanted to see him. They get to the nursing facility and he was sitting in a chair in the dining area eating supper!

I called this morning and they said he is refusing to get out of bed again and refused food and his meds.

I just don't know what to think. Thanks for listening.

cookin

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Oh, {{{{{{cookinfreak}}}}}}, this makes me so sad to read.

My is with you as you go through this difficult time.

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@cookinfreak I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a difficult situation. Have you asked any of the professionals at the facility what they make of it? I'm thinking they have lots of experience with such behavior and may be able to offer some insight.

Laura loves cats!

henderson · ‎03-18-2010

I'm so sorry. It sounds like your dad is giving up and doesn't want to live. Do you know what his wishes are? Does he want a feeding tube, etc.? I don't want to sound harsh. If Hospice has been called in please don't hesitate to talk to them. They can help. Our son had hospice and they were amazing.

K9buddy · ‎03-09-2010

It sounds to me like his behavior is a function of his dementia. Wishing you the best during this difficult time.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@cookinfreak

This happened to my 98 year old grandmother twice in the 10 months she lived in the personal care home. The first time it was due to being overmedicated. I researched her meds, found 3 that conflicted, and had the doctor review her meds and make changes. She perked up within about 3 days. The second time brought a diagnosis of congestive heart failure, which took her in about 6 weeks.

Fifi1 · ‎03-10-2010

THere is so little one can control in a skilled facility! Maybe he just wanted to sleep when he wanted and eat when he decided I understand how tough it can be, my MIL was at home and would do this, after a day or two demand that we all return to our homes out of town!

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@cookinfreak, this sounds alot like what an elderly family member of mine did during the last 6 months or so of her life. We never knew what we were going to get when we visited, so we just tried to be prepared. We would have weeks like the one you describe, very little eating or drinking, stayng in bed mainly sleeping all the time. I for one would come home in tears, then after several days of that, I'd go in and she would be sitting up in the bed, wondering where her lunch was.

Prayers to you and your dad.

meallen616 · ‎01-10-2013

During this difficult time,

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@cookinfreak

I just wanted to add:

My closest & dearest friend was 87 in failing health, in hospital & rehab for months then released to home care. All was well for a few weeks then he was having trouble (like you explained) -- I called hospice for his sister was beyond what to do. In fact, when he knew the nurse was coming he'd get dressed & be perky...a few hours later so weak & tired.

I spoke to the nurse and she told me "he was ready to go home" and was waiting for us to say goodbye or let him know it's ok. It was one of the strangest & saddest things I've ever experienced. (I never had anyone close to me to know the signs).

A couple of days later he was tired and went to sleep and passed peacefully. I know this is sad but maybe he's ready to stop fighting to live.

My prayers are with you and your family.