Community Chat

[patbz]

When my parents passed they were both cremated and subsequently interred at Arlington.  What many may not know is that there is almost always a significant delay to be interred at this national cemetery.  That was not a problem; we picked a date eight months out and planned a beautiful, meaningful ceremony  that more of my family was able to attend.  If you look at your situation this way it may even work out better for you.

[ECBG]

@FiddleDeeDee Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss.  Please do what you are comfortable with.  If you want to bury the ashes now, do so.  Surely you can be with a few family members agreeing to come seperately and stay 6 ft apart unless they are far off. 

I would hold mass at a later date with a celebration of life with light fare and desserts in your Fellowship Hall at that time.

[violann]

I may (or may not) be making these decisions within the next several days.

The WORST part is, I can't even get NEAR LO, and her test results aren't going to b available until later this week.

I have her Advanced directives, and for the sake of all, I will be deciding on the simplest choices I can make- graveside service with a tiny group, and a Mass honoring her and her 4 sisters after the worst of this is past.

I FULLY BELIEVE that our LOs will not be distressed, whatever we choose.

Hugs, dear OP.  

[violann]

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@FiddleDeeDee wrote:

@Chicagosuburbangirl  Thank you

Should I bury her now or wait till later? Honestly, this is what is weighing heavily on me.

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If the day comes soon, I will bury my LO and have the Mass in the future.

[tipsy]

@FiddleDeeDee very sorry about your mom.  I skimmed over the previous responses so am not sure if this has been said.  You can't have a funeral Mass without the cremains or the body if not cremated  So if you bury her soon you can't really have an official funeral Mass later on.  You can have a Mass said for her any time though.

When my mom died 4 years ago we had a funeral Mass for her as soon as her ashes were available & they were brought to the church by the funeral home. Since some of us siblings live out of state & it was still winter we just brought the urn back to dad's apartment figuring we would decide about the burial later.

We buried her 8 months later. 

[geezerette]

@FiddleDeeDee 

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.  That's a hard blow to bear, even in the best of times.

You know what your mother wanted, but I'm sure that if she were here under these circumstances we now find ourselves, she would be happy with whatever you are comfortable with doing.

Speaking from the recent experience of my husband's death, there is no way I would consider leaving any loved one with a funeral home for any longer than necessary, let alone an undetermined amount of time.

I don't know what your state's situation is re stay-at-home orders.  But I'm wondering if you have her interred now, would you and/or other family members be able to visit her there? Would you feel comfortable taking her home?

Since any type of service is going to be put off indefinitely, in the meantime I would want to make sure I knew exactly the whereabouts of my mother's remains.

Again, my condolences to you and your family. ❤️🕊🙏

[homedecor1]

@FiddleDeeDee 

Oh I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. 

My DIL mom passed suddenly 2 weeks ago.  It was a total nightmare to bury her.  

The family has decided to forego getting on the waiting list at funeral homes.

They have planned a "celebration of life" gathering in November.

Again, my sympathy to you and your family.

[Financialgrl]

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@chprsp wrote:

My sister took mother's urn and kept it until the service. So sorry for your loss.

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This is exactly what had to happen when BF died a few years ago bc he was retired military and was buried in Arlington National Cemetery.  There's months long wait for burial there.  He was cremated and daughter kept ashes till the burial.  

His daughter scheduled a military burial with honors and they provide a chaplain to speak a few words, folding/presenting of the flag and the bugler playing Taps. They have it down to a science and takes 1/2 hour and yet it was very moving.   I actually think it was much better for me and his daughters bc his death had happened months before and grief wasn't so raw.   Sorry for your loss 

[FiddleDeeDee]

Thank you ALL for your support and sympathy; it means a great deal to me. I am leaning to having her buried now and the mass and reception later until I read @tipsy 's post....as a life long Catholic, I had NO IDEA about not being able to have the funeral mass without the body/cremains!! How did I not know this?! Thank you, @tipsy , for the heads up.

I will be calling the family priest in the morning. *sigh*

[catwhisperer]

@FiddleDeeDee....I am so sorry for your loss. I think the kind, caring ladies here have given you some great guidance to help you through this difficult time. (((Hugs)))