Community Chat

[ANewHue]

Today I accompanied a friend to visit a lady she worked with for over 25 years.  I also knew the woman since I was a girl.  Well when we got there we got a rather chilly reception from the woman behind the desk and she asked us to leave our names and she would contact the woman's  daughter.  Well we assumed she was moved to another facility but my friend told her it was a long ride We traveled.  She said she would get her boss. After several minutes the boss came and told us we needed to call a certain phone number but she called for us.  That call informed my friend that this woman passed away approximately two weeks ago and her family had been on vacation for weeks and wasn't coming back any time soon. We were devastated.    It's horrible to think her one and only child (who is a mature woman) would not think to make a call to notify anyone and even worse be away having a vacation while her mother laid in a morgue.  Yes there are tough relationships between parents and children but this is just horrible.  Well she needs to live with her choices but she better watch out for Karma,  my heart aches that this poor lady passed alone.   Enjoy your life while you're well enough to do so.

[nana59]

You just never know what goes on with family dynamics....

[viva923]

family circles are hard to navigate. some families are close relationship some families are so distant that going to the moon and back still isn't enough room for getting away 

[game-on]

@ANewHue.....I am sorry for your loss.

I will say that we never know about family dynamics.  We may have a great relationship with someone but the child(ren) may have experienced something very different. 

I also know from my years of working as a social worker that people handle grief/loss in very different ways.  I worked in a hospital and saw people who had many visitors to say goodbye and saw people who had nobody.  I would talk to those who were alone to try to understand... some people had told their social circle/family to not come to visit and to let them die alone.  I learned a lot from listening. 

[CrazyDaisy]

I am sorry that you did not get to see your friend before she passed.

Really not enough information to conclude they had a poor relationship.  To be gone for weeks on vacation sounds like it might be a once in a life time adventure.  Perhaps her mother was not in a bad condition when she left, perhaps her mother really wanted her to go and maybe they both knew something could happen when she was gone and were at peace with this possibility.  Without more information, I wouldn't judge her daughter so harshly.

[beckyb1012]

That is so sad and the woman will have to face herself in the mirror for many years.  However, due to your kind and caring heart you have brought this woman's life to our attention and that is a wonderful memorial to her life.  She is in a better place and is only filled with joy, happiness and no pain.  Sing for her and pray for her family.  You are a good person @ANewHue

[Imaoldhippie]

The Lord will take care of all concerned.  Sorry for your loss, what a sad, mean, cruel way for you and your friend to find out she had passed.

[ANewHue]

Thank you all for your kind words.  I know something about the relationship but whatever it still was her mother.  She was a single mother who worked hard to raise her .  I have a difficult relationship of my own but I could never do that.  The family is having a great vacation on the money they got from selling her properties and they knew her health was failing the last few months.

[Moonchilde]

---

@CrazyDaisy wrote:

I am sorry that you did not get to see your friend before she passed.

Really not enough information to conclude they had a poor relationship.  To be gone for weeks on vacation sounds like it might be a once in a life time adventure.  Perhaps her mother was not in a bad condition when she left, perhaps her mother really wanted her to go and maybe they both knew something could happen when she was gone and were at peace with this possibility.  Without more information, I wouldn't judge her daughter so harshly.

---

This ^^^

The daughter might be halfway around the world, possibly somewhere fairly remote. She and her mother may have been aware before the daughter left that this might happen, or had an understanding that if something like this ever did happen, mom didn't want her to interrupt her trip. The woman may have had a DNR order and it had all been discussed.

The OP and her friend/former co-worker are apparently not frequent visitors or close with the woman's family, so no evidence from the OP that they were considered close enough friends to notify. Just me personally, I don't think it's a responsibility of next of kin to notify everyone a person ever knew of their passing. Unless it's someone the deceased mentioned often, spoke to often or saw often (and by often I mean weekly), or the mother had specifically said to her daughter "be sure and let so-and-so know when I die - here's how to get in touch with her."

[jubilant]

I can understand that your heart hurts but, for all we know, this woman could have been in a coma or a multitude of other things.  She may even have told them to go and not to come back if anything happened. Like others have said...We just don't know.