Community Chat

[CelticCrafter]

If you don't have contact with them, maybe your son will call and ask "Dad, who are these people?"

[melfie]

On 3/14/2015 perryp said:

On 3/14/2015 melfie said:

Is everyone you wanted to invite on that list? If yes then drop it. Unless your son said there's a guest limit your DH should be able to invite who he wants to. This is also his son too isn't it? For you to tell him who he shouldn't invite (from your post it sounds like some of his relatives) is just as inconsiderate as him handing your son a list of approved guests before you see it. JMO.

It was about going over the list as my son & his fiancé are very limited in their budget and my hsb & I agreed to take a good look at the list together. I never told him who could not come.

I have no family (of origin). My hsb started this conversation originally saying he wanted us both to be part of the list making. Sorry if I wasn't clear about this.

Ah, now I understand. So he went back on his word. That's not fair to you. I would tell your husband you are going to call your son and tell him you and his father are going to make revisions to the list. Then start a new list from scratch.

[KathyPet]

If your son and his fiancée have a limited budget it was up,to,them to give you and your DH a number of guests you could invite and not just leave you to put anyone you wanted on the list. personally I would talk to my son and ask them if the number is within their budget. If it is then let it go. If it is more than they expected then tell your son he must ask his father if it could be cut back.

[magicmoodz]

I would be annoyed, hurt and angry if my husband were to do this. If you have conveyed your concern to your husband, HE should be the one contacting your son, letting him know that he acted impulsively by not allowing you to be part of the decision making.

[LucyGoose]

My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

I think it shows how little he values what you wanted to do. He didn't like your idea, so he went ahead and wrote out the list and gave it to the son. That would make me mad, too. Didn't he agree before hand that ya'll would make out the list together? He must have just said that to appease you..... or he forgot what he said.

[chrystaltree]

He gave your son a list of people he would like invited, now you give your son a list of people you would like to invite. And don't saything more than that. It's not your wedding. Your son and his fiance will decide who makes the cut. I think your husband didn't want a battle over something like this. It seems like you were itching to fight over the list and he just wasn't going to comply.

[LucyGoose]

On 3/14/2015 KathyPet said: If your son and his fiancée have a limited budget it was up,to,them to give you and your DH a number of guests you could invite and not just leave you to put anyone you wanted on the list. personally I would talk to my son and ask them if the number is within their budget. If it is then let it go. If it is more than they expected then tell your son he must ask his father if it could be cut back.

That's a good point. You and your husband need to know this so you don't invite too many people.

[JustJules]

You have every right to be upset, he should not have turned in the list without reviewing it with you first or getting your input. Does he do this to you in other situations as well? Sounds like he doesn't value your opinion much. I certainly don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but it would seem that you need to discuss with him how this made you feel so it doesn't fester and brew and become a bigger issue in the future. As for the list, since it's your son, surely it's not too late to call him and let him know any additions you have or that you didn't have a chance to look at the list before DH turned it in, no need to give any reason why.

[ROMARY]

Maybe I missed something (I don't have my reading glasses on right now): Will the bride's parents be paying for the wedding? 'I have a feeling' that O/P and DH will be. Just my intuition, though. ....... Someone here mentioned that there is a possibility that DH's family might be the type who would feel offended if one or more of them weren't invited. That could be a problem. Anyway, my thinking is that if the bride and her family and DS are on a limited budget, then they should probably have a smaller wedding, maybe inviting a few close relatives and friends. Just my way of thinking......., right or wrong.

[LilacTree]

A little OT, but when I married my first husband, he and his sister planned and managed the entire wedding. I had my gown made and that was it. My input was not required for anything else. My parents did get to invite their relatives (about six of them) and everyone else at the wedding were his family (huge) and our friends. I was so stupid I let them do this without recrimination. I was too stupid to even be angry!

It wasn't until years later, after four babies in four and a half years, that I realized all I was there for was to mother his children and he would have had ten (as his sister did) if I didn't finally wake up after the fourth child and had myself sterilized. And I had to go through absolute hel* to finally convince him to sign the paperwork, as I was not going to have another child under the circumstances of our marriage.

[That said, I have never, ever regretted the wonderful gift of my children. If not for them I would have no life.]