My Co-Worker - Page 10

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

It's one thing to tell yourself, and believe, you could take on a rage-filled abuser and come out the victor.

It's quite another to say other women should also be able to do that and there is no reason for any woman to be abused.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.
Hit back? A broom or rolling pin? Unless the abuser is the size of Danny Devito this would never work. Most men can overpower a woman very easy. Have you never watched the ID channel?
Trust me - my brothers are all huge men - 6'4" to 6'7" and big - not skinny. But I never let them intimidate me! Men overpower women because the women LET THEM. You just gotta be mighty mouse. I can't hit as well as them but boy oh boy could I kick! Your gonna get hurt anyway it goes - don't just lie there and take it.

Wow! So it's the victim's fault??

And fighting violence with violence is NOT the answer. There are ways to fight back that are not physical. That's what my parents taught me, and that's what I taught my children. No one in my family kicks or hits each other. We were all raised to believe that it's wrong. Period.

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.
Hit back? A broom or rolling pin? Unless the abuser is the size of Danny Devito this would never work. Most men can overpower a woman very easy. Have you never watched the ID channel?
Trust me - my brothers are all huge men - 6'4" to 6'7" and big - not skinny. But I never let them intimidate me! Men overpower women because the women LET THEM. You just gotta be mighty mouse. I can't hit as well as them but boy oh boy could I kick! Your gonna get hurt anyway it goes - don't just lie there and take it.

Wow! So it's the victim's fault??

And fighting violence with violence is NOT the answer. There are ways to fight back that are not physical. That's what my parents taught me, and that's what I taught my children. No one in my family kicks or hits each other. We were all raised to believe that it's wrong. Period.

@NYC Susan. I agree with about fighting in the family. My brother was taught never to raise a hand to a woman.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

Someone pointed that the reason why women are abused is lack of self-esteem. I agree to some extent, but this loss usually happens after some negative things have transpired.

I would say that this is a very complicated issue and no one here knows the depth of this complexity 100%. I would say vulnerability is a main factor. We all were and will be vulnerable in our lives at some point; as children, as mothers, as we get older etc.

Even in our best years when we are strong and vibrant, for many reasons such as lack of familial support, loss of a job, etc., we may face vulnerability. We never know when we might get sick even if we are financially independent and quite frankly, just like when we were children, one day we will need to depend on others.

Self-esteem can't be bought, doesn't grow on trees and most importantly, is not static. It changes and responds to an ever changing environment. It just seems like we are kind of blaming women for lacking self-esteem when this happens as a result of factors that have an effect on it.

The problem is how some people take advantage of others when they are vulnerable. Or they make them more vulnerable when the abuse begins because that person is not coping well in life.

Women will always be more vulnerable than men based on basic biology; lesser strength, we give birth, we are mothers, we care in different ways etc.. I would argue this is not about having a don't mess with me attitude. If you can't fight back it doesn't matter what your attitude may be.

~Live with Intention~

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.
Hit back? A broom or rolling pin? Unless the abuser is the size of Danny Devito this would never work. Most men can overpower a woman very easy. Have you never watched the ID channel?
Trust me - my brothers are all huge men - 6'4" to 6'7" and big - not skinny. But I never let them intimidate me! Men overpower women because the women LET THEM. You just gotta be mighty mouse. I can't hit as well as them but boy oh boy could I kick! Your gonna get hurt anyway it goes - don't just lie there and take it.

You are equating brothers "picking on you" to men who brutalize women?

Bri36 · ‎02-20-2017

@QueenDanceALot, can you believe it?

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@Bri36 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot, can you believe it?

I wish I could say, no, I can't.

Still blows my mind, though.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

Back to the OP's topic just for a second, I think that would not have been any differences of opinion or MYOB suggestions if her comments to the woman had been phrased much differently.

I hope that her only concern is for the woman's welfare and that she will be there to listen if necessary. .

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

momtochloe · ‎11-03-2013

@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.
Hit back? A broom or rolling pin? Unless the abuser is the size of Danny Devito this would never work. Most men can overpower a woman very easy. Have you never watched the ID channel?
Trust me - my brothers are all huge men - 6'4" to 6'7" and big - not skinny. But I never let them intimidate me! Men overpower women because the women LET THEM. You just gotta be mighty mouse. I can't hit as well as them but boy oh boy could I kick! Your gonna get hurt anyway it goes - don't just lie there and take it.
You are equating brothers "picking on you" to men who brutalize women?

Sigh . . . , my good friend @QueenDanceALot I have to think this is another symptom of a larger problem that starts (at times) in ones formative years . . . sometimes you outgrow it and sometimes you become it. As abuse is both physical and mental, it's hard to say when those abusive seeds are sown. I guess my only hope is that these at times painful discussions and experiences will help all of us build a better network to try and help those that are not equiped to help themselves when they are under siege and find the strength to leave.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I'm not discounting what OP saw, but my husband had a black eye a few months ago, a pretty good one. He got it playing with the dog (big pit bull boxer mix). She is young and very active and strong. She hit him with her head as she was jumping. He has had a fat lip from her head hitting him in the mouth too.

I can only imagine what people were thinking about him at work!