Community Chat

[Sapphiregal]

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@Luv2Dnce wrote:

First of all, even though it's been many years since he's gone, my condolences and heart goes out to you. I can't even fathom what you have endured. Losing a child could be absolutely devastating. I lost both my parents within the last few years and my life has not been nor will it ever be the same. I'm just learning to cope and take a day at a time. Although, they say nothing is like the loss of a child. My advice to you is to pray to God to give you the strength to continue to bare the cross of your loss. Just remember that your son is in heaven and he's incredibly happy.   You'll be together someday and what a day that will be when you're reunited once again.  My advice would be to try to find some happiness in your life By keeping yourself as busy as possible. You will never forget him, but it will help you to cope.

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@Luv2Dnce 

Indeed, the loss of a child is like nothing else. You expect somewhere in the back of your mind that the day will come when you will have to learn to live without your parents. Those days came for me several years after the death of my son and I can honestly say, as much as I loved my parents, their deaths were nothing compared to the loss of my son, Brian. July will be 26 years since his death, and I still have to fight the tears back everyday. It's hard to even talk about him.

[PamfromCT]

To each and everyone who lost a child:

I cannot begin to even imagine how to deal with the death of a child.  What are the right words to say?  I am so very sorry does not begin to help.  I can just hope and pray that you are cared for the way you should be treated.  With understanding, love, and respect.

[smoochy]

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@PamfromCT wrote:

To each and everyone who lost a child:

I cannot begin to even imagine how to deal with the death of a child.  What are the right words to say?  I am so very sorry does not begin to help.  I can just hope and pray that you are cared for the way you should be treated.  With understanding, love, and respect.

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words of condolence don't necessarily have to help.Because honestly, nothing can help. Just acknowledging the loss is sufficient. 

One thing: people often use clichés because they don't know what else to say. Try to avoid those and just say how sorry you are. That's enough. 

[rms1954]

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@smoochy wrote:

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@rms1954 wrote:

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@tiny 2 wrote:

"Someone told me the other day that I looked like I was in pain and I should smile more."

@rms1954,

That was a terrible thing to say to you.

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Oh that's OK.  My own husband told me "it's time to put it behind you and move on."  Guess he got sick of me crying suddenly without explanation.

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oh no no no. Not time. Not by other people's standards. Take all the time you need. First of all we dont move on from our deceased children. We can eventually move forward, step by step. Your husband is processing this differently than you are. You know what? It took about three years for me to realize that Patrick wasn't coming back. I kept thinking he would knock on the door and say it was a terrible mistake and that he had never actually died. Your grief will soften over time. A long time. You will eventually learn to live daily life around the hole in your heart. But that's down the road. What helped me was seeing a grief counselor every week for a year, antidepressant medication, and attending a child loss support group.

As for the comments made by other people, I tried to give them grace. (Wasn't always successful but I tried) They truly don't know what to say. We as bereaved mothers represent the worst thing that could happen-and they realize it could just as easily happen to them. So their sometimes thoughtless remarks are fear-based. My best to you and I hope you will seek some supportive resources if you haven't already. 

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I feel like I see him all the time.  I know it's wishful thinking but I'll see someone in public from the back and I swear it's him.  I get this elated feeling that it was all a dream but when he turns I realize it's not him and then I feel like I'm falling down a dark hole and slam I hit the bottom at 100 mph.  Such a horrible feeling.  And as far as my husband, he was not my son's biological father or wouldn't even consider him a step-father.  They did not get along at all, just a side note.

[magicmoodz]

To everyone who has come forward to share the loss of their child, you are such an example of strength and courage. (And the same to those of you who have lost a spouse.)💕

Sadly, there are no words to lift you up. My best advice though is to keep sharing. As a grief counselor, I learned how very important it is to talk about your loved one. 

We are good listeners.

[goldensrbest]

I do know lost my shane in 1998, he also was 27,he was hurt badly in a car accident,in 1995 was in a wheel chair, on oct 6th,1998 had left leg amputated so he could walk ,died on operation table,your life forever changes,HUGS

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[Cakers3]

@magicmoodz  I agree expressing and sharing are so important. People suffering whether from loss or from illness or from any of the burdens life can throw at us need validation. 

The sharing here and the heartfelt responses do not surprise me.

We are strangers but first and foremost we are people doing our best to navigate uncharted paths.

I thank all who expressed kindness and know it is all taken to heart and appreciated.

Everyone has a story;  sometimes it can be difficult to understand others and show support because we get hung up on trivial notions about others based on our own lack of reflection.

In the end we are all in the same boat just with a different crew.

Namaste.🙏

[monicakm]

I had no idea @Sapphiregal.  I am so sorry for your family's loss and the never-ending grief you must feel.  

Even though my brother was in his sixties when he passed, I know without a shadow of doubt that it is what ultimately ended my mother's life. 

[monicakm]

Oh no @Kachina624, I am so sorry. I hope and pray that someday very soon you can connect with your grandsons again.

[jellyBEAN]

Very sorry for your loss.  I think the loss of a child is something one never gets over.  There are always those thoughts, what would he/she be doing now, married? job? location? kids?

My parents went thru it.  Deeply affected my father losing his middle son.  After my parents had passed and I cleaned out the family home, I found letters/poems he had hand written about my brother, what a good son he was, how much he missed him....

So you are certainly not alone, but are a member of all the families that have lost children. I too miss my brother everyday - he was 21, I was 20.  What would he be doing now?