Community Chat

[GenXmuse]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

If we are to accept however another wishes to mourn and honor a deceased loved one than we should accept how others feel when they encounter those expressions.

We all are subject to our feelings which are involuntary. Feelings are not judgements.

My post was merely an interest in how widespread these window memorials were and how it came about.

Some have chosen to judge fellow posters who have shared their negative feelings about them and have freely shamed them. That seems unjust to me.

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So you can say things about other people but they can't say anything about you? Seems unjust to me. Your post was poorly worded if your intent was just wondering "how it came about". 

[Gorgf]

@embgm  Having worked in the local High School 18 year olds  and early 20s when a young person died in a car accident, it was common to see especially on the pick up trucks. All the buddies had the same memorials. A young life taken too soon.

I never thought of it one way or another as being objectional. One of his friend's who drives the truck is all. I think  now I am seeing more of these Memorials and females and children included in them.

[occasionalrain]

I always wish to know what others feel about any subject posted that interests me. I felt these window memorials were in poor taste while never expecting or wanting universal agreement.

I didn't suggest the memorials be banned but some posters expected that any negative feeling toward mourning/memorial practices be banned and I took exception to that.

[Porcelain]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Porcelain What if we substitute the word "think" for the word "judged?"  Is it ok to think?  And where does one draw the line between the two words?  

If you use the word "judged" that in itself is judging.  By definition.  Are we no longer allowed to think?  

It shows how one (news reporter, written publication or other) states something colors the message rather than the word "think".  When someone is said to "judge" it puts a whole different spin on the way we percieve it. 

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Hmmm. I had to give this some thought. I guess to me, I don't think judging other people's actions is wrong, or a bad thing, or not allowed. I'm okay with saying or hearing, "that was a dumb thing to do," or "that was not appropriate," or even "I think that thing you like is ugly."

I don't enjoy hearing or reading those things said to me, but I recognize we are all entitled to our opinions and judgements on each others' actions.

I think judging people's overall worth is a lot more dicey, and I try to avoid saying someone is a bad person or tacky or a liar -- unless I can easily point to a critical mass of, in my mind, very bad or tacky or dishonest actions they've participated in. I'm not perfect about that though.

Saying an action or item is in bad taste is an opinion. A judgement call. It's making a judgment about whether or not you find another person's choices to be acceptable to you and whether or not they upset you. And whether or not you choose to tell others about it.

No one is forbidden from proclaiming that a car window memorial does not meet their standards of good taste. Likewise no one is forbidden from proclaiming that they see it differently.

(Now I'll be honest with you on a slightly deeper topic: In my opinion, where it can get a little risky is when someone who does not belong to a group criticizes something that is mostly done by that group. If you don't completely understand the background for an action (like the window memorials) because you don't belong to the group, criticizing it can make you seem a little closed minded or even a tad prejudiced toward that group--even if you're not.

This is not exactly the worst thing in the world. It's just not popularly supported.

Because I was invited to, I'm just sharing my thoughts about this in good faith and without intending to attack anyone personally. I also accept that others' views are worth just as much as mine are. )

[Porcelain]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

I always wish to know what others feel about any subject posted that interests me. I felt these window memorials were in poor taste while never expecting or wanting universal agreement.

I didn't suggest the memorials be banned but some posters expected that any negative feeling toward mourning/memorial practices be banned and I took exception to that.

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You didn't say you wanted it banned and you didn't say you wanted everyone to agree with you. I don't think anyone is mad at you. Just some people express their thoughts a bit sharply. I'd consider it more of a style thing.

Also, I'd say that a majority of people in this forum have lost a loved one, possibly including yourself. Mourning and the ways we express our loss and grief can be deeply personal issues that evoke an emotional response we might not expect.

[RollTide2008]

I don’t care what other people do, but I find this practice odd. I hope no one I know ever puts my name and the date I die on their car window.

[doodles76]

You find the way in which a family memorialized a loved one tacky ?? 

Isn't that just too bad.

Our son was killed in a horrendous vehicle accident over a decade ago. Yes, I have a sticker in his honor on my car . As his parents, we picked out a coffin, watched his body lowered into the ground ( along with our hearts), inscribed a headstone and have had to live everyday of our lives without him.

You can be sure if I want a sticker I'm putting it anyplace I feel like it. 

And we also maintain the street corner where he was killed. Our dear boy was covered with a tarp on that street for hours until the investigation was completed. So, yes flowers are still still displayed.  Need more reasons?  Then the medical examiner put him in a body bag. We continue this to perhaps save someone else's life . It is a dangerous road - if it can remind people to slow down and drive more careful we will have accomplished something.

Perhaps you can understand and not judge. For those that understand, thank you. And if not, look the other way.  

Thank you. Jason's mom4vr