Community Chat

[Noel7]

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@Oostende wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@Oostende wrote:

The demise of marriage makes me sad.  Perhaps it was inevitable once marital vows became optional.

It seems to me that the bonds of marrage...the unshakeable, immutable, sacred bonds of marriage...allow a freedom of being that is unattainable in any other way.

I met my spouse when I was 20.  I'm 53.  I've had him vastly longer than I lived without him.

We raised a daughter together, built a life together, suffered loss together, and now we are grandparents together.

When we are old, he will remember me as I was when I was young.  Our memories intermingle in ways no one else can share.

Our lives together were only possible because we vowed to never, EVER leave one another.  Ever.

There's freedom in that.

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you may not believe it @Oostende, but all of the things that you said can be achieved even without an official marriage license.

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@sunshine45. @Oostende

Another point is that the bonds of marriage are obviously NOT unshakable.  If that were true, there would not be divorce or so many married people having affairs.

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And you may not believe it @Noel7, but you are mistaken, for we are not discussing the same relationship.  Some games you can only play when you are all in and failure isn't an option. 

In my definition of marriage, affairs and divorce aren't viable options, although you may tolerate those things in your own relationships.  That's up to you.  I was speaking of marriage as my own ideal and from my own experience.  

And I don't much care about the license. I'm not sure where you came up with that.

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@Oostende

But we are not talking about just one marriage, yours or mine.   Marriage itself is a mess at least half the time, based on the divorce rate.

I didn’t say anything about a license, someone else did.  

[Evie2004]

@Noel7, we get to meet the sweet girl tomorrow 💞

[Noel7]

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@Evie2004 wrote:

@Noel7, we get to meet the sweet girl tomorrow 💞

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@Evie2004

That’s wonderful, congratulations 😊

[sunshine45]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Oostende wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@Oostende wrote:

The demise of marriage makes me sad.  Perhaps it was inevitable once marital vows became optional.

It seems to me that the bonds of marrage...the unshakeable, immutable, sacred bonds of marriage...allow a freedom of being that is unattainable in any other way.

I met my spouse when I was 20.  I'm 53.  I've had him vastly longer than I lived without him.

We raised a daughter together, built a life together, suffered loss together, and now we are grandparents together.

When we are old, he will remember me as I was when I was young.  Our memories intermingle in ways no one else can share.

Our lives together were only possible because we vowed to never, EVER leave one another.  Ever.

There's freedom in that.

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you may not believe it @Oostende, but all of the things that you said can be achieved even without an official marriage license.

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@sunshine45. @Oostende

Another point is that the bonds of marriage are obviously NOT unshakable.  If that were true, there would not be divorce or so many married people having affairs.

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And you may not believe it @Noel7, but you are mistaken, for we are not discussing the same relationship.  Some games you can only play when you are all in and failure isn't an option. 

In my definition of marriage, affairs and divorce aren't viable options, although you may tolerate those things in your own relationships.  That's up to you.  I was speaking of marriage as my own ideal and from my own experience.  

And I don't much care about the license. I'm not sure where you came up with that.

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@Oostende

But we are not talking about just one marriage, yours or mine.   Marriage itself is a mess at least half the time, based on the divorce rate.

I didn’t say anything about a license, someone else did.  

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@Oostende

i talked about a license/traditional marriage.

i stand by what i said.

what you described as an "ideal marriage" can possibly be achieved by two people who are not married in the traditional sense.

@Noel7

i agree with you and everyone is human and imperfect......marriages and relationships are not always unshakeable and not always impermeable.

it isnt difficult to see shifting priorities and shifting relationship choices.....and in no way are the newer patterns "sad."

[lovestodance]

My DH,& I celebrated our 61st Ann on Oct 4th....

Have 3 married children same spouses, & happly married.

Am blessed with 4 Grandchildren,and 2 Great-Grandchildren.. The old Great Grand daughter will be 15 in December...

lovestodance

[chiclet]

You can live with someone for years and then end it and you don't have a divorce on your record so to speak.  I never lived with anyone before marriage (old fashioned different times) and married several times and it seems I have failures on my record.  I don't understand how the person who lived with someone for ten years and ended it is different.  I guess because it was not a legal thing.

[WenGirl42]

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@chiclet wrote:

You can live with someone for years and then end it and you don't have a divorce on your record so to speak.  I never lived with anyone before marriage (old fashioned different times) and married several times and it seems I have failures on my record.  I don't understand how the person who lived with someone for ten years and ended it is different.  I guess because it was not a legal thing.

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I wouldn't say I'd consider either of those a failure without knowing individual details, but I can see the difference. When a couple marries, they make public vows and take on a public commitment to each other. The expectation is they'll work hard to keep that commitment to each other.  The "failure" comes from not living up to those public vows (though IMO there are certainly valid reasons why one can't or shouldn't). Not that the relationship itself failed. When a couple lives together, there are no vows or societal expectation attached, so nothing to fail at.

[nun ya]

I blame Tinder and the like. Why settle down when you can hook up with someone different every night.

[Plaid Pants2]

Marraige was on the decline long before Tender came along.

Plus, people were hooking up before Tender.

[Plaid Pants2]

A couple can make vows in front of as many people as they want, and be married in their hearts, and take the vows just as seriously, without the legal formalities.