Community Chat

[ROMARY]

I'm guessing that there are quite a few SAHDads, too.  Whatever works for parents as a couple, or alone, is 'right' for them.  Sometimes, depending on salaries, it's less expensive for one parent to SAH.  Also, it might depend on the area: how expensive it is to hire a qualified daytime nanny/baby sitter, etc. and the salary of one of the spouses/parents.   Sometimes (not always, of course) it's 'a wash'.  There are plenty of social things to do with other SAH parents in order to have contact with adults, rather than sitting with youngsters, if that's a concern/problem/issue.  p.s.  My post was 'auto-saved' quite awhile ago, and I was agreeing with/responding to someone else's comment. 

[ROMARY]

Sometimes it's a matter of luck.  I guess that's why it's customary to wish the couple Congratulations and 'Good Luck'.  Wishing them both good luck together throughout the 'ups and downs' of life. 

[ROMARY]

Yes, Noel........Good luck that one or the other doesn't meet someone else by chance and stray off, and MANY other circumstances in a long list of things.   So many things that could go wrong or 'right', just by chance.   Sometimes it's just plain luck that intertwines into our lives.   I've been 'lucky' re: many 'near misses' in my life.  Pure luck.   That's all I can say.  Right place, right time vrs. wrong place, wrong time.  Wishing us all good luck always.    "TEAM GOOD LUCK"

[missy1]

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@glb613 wrote:

I wonder how many are single parents who don't get married because you can't get welfare if you're married.  I know of a couple who were living together while she was going to school on the tax payer's dime and as soon as she graduated, they got married. 

Married couples can get welfare too.  (food stamps, wic,  medicaid, cash assistance.etc.) It's based on income, family size, the bills you pay (rent/mortgage and utilities they count, not like credit cards etc.) and your assets.

I am sure some single parents do not report that they have someone living with them. (that has income and contributes to the household) That is wrong.

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[Noel7]

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@missy1 wrote:

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@glb613 wrote:

I wonder how many are single parents who don't get married because you can't get welfare if you're married.  I know of a couple who were living together while she was going to school on the tax payer's dime and as soon as she graduated, they got married. 

Married couples can get welfare too.  (food stamps, wic,  medicaid, cash assistance.etc.) It's based on income, family size, the bills you pay (rent/mortgage and utilities they count, not like credit cards etc.) and your assets.

I am sure some single parents do not report that they have someone living with them. (that has income and contributes to the household) That is wrong.

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@missy1 Is correct, married people can get welfare.

[jaxs mom]

The old model of marriage, the one from my grandparents generation of the 50s just isn't applicable to many people today. Part of the problem IMO was the fact that people were pressured to marry for many reasons. And then they stayed in those failed marriages until the kids were out of the house to divorce. 

I never felt pressure to marry. Ever. I don't know any parents from my generation ( other than strongly religious ones) that pressured their kids to marry. My best girlfriend is the only person I know that got married young at 19, and they're still married. But I didn't get married until I was 29 and already had a baby. I have friends that didn't get married until their mid 30s. I have other friends that have lived with their partners a very long time and never gotten married. My own mother lived with her current husband for almost 15 years before they got married. 

A lot of people don't want to get married precisely because they don't want what society says marriage is. Other people get married, but make up the rules themselves. Which is why people are not getting married in religous ceremonies and are writing their own vows. 

And I say this as someone who stayed home once that was an option for me. I know lots of SAHMs that have alternative partnerships/marriages. The two things are not mutually exclusive. 

[Shorty2U]

Marriage has been trending downward for quite some time. I don't care what others do, but I got remarried almost 11 years ago (was divorced the first time after 19 years) .

I prefer that little piece of paper, everyone thinks is not necessary...lol..I am just old fashioned I guess.

My daughter is happily married w 3 kids. My son is getting married May 2018 (hes way older than I was when I got married for the first time). He will be 39 (when he gets married for the first, and hopefully only time!..lol). His fiance is 4 and 1/2 years younger than him and this will be her first marriage too..

[Oostende]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@Oostende wrote:

The demise of marriage makes me sad.  Perhaps it was inevitable once marital vows became optional.

It seems to me that the bonds of marrage...the unshakeable, immutable, sacred bonds of marriage...allow a freedom of being that is unattainable in any other way.

I met my spouse when I was 20.  I'm 53.  I've had him vastly longer than I lived without him.

We raised a daughter together, built a life together, suffered loss together, and now we are grandparents together.

When we are old, he will remember me as I was when I was young.  Our memories intermingle in ways no one else can share.

Our lives together were only possible because we vowed to never, EVER leave one another.  Ever.

There's freedom in that.

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you may not believe it @Oostende, but all of the things that you said can be achieved even without an official marriage license.

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@sunshine45. @Oostende

Another point is that the bonds of marriage are obviously NOT unshakable.  If that were true, there would not be divorce or so many married people having affairs.

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And you may not believe it @Noel7, but you are mistaken, for we are not discussing the same relationship.  Some games you can only play when you are all in and failure isn't an option. 

In my definition of marriage, affairs and divorce aren't viable options, although you may tolerate those things in your own relationships.  That's up to you.  I was speaking of marriage as my own ideal and from my own experience.  

And I don't much care about the license. I'm not sure where you came up with that.

[Evie2004]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Evie2004 wrote:

I guess my previous post about my great-niece having a baby is unrelated to the actual topic here, but I have been looking for someone in a similar situation as theirs...I actually do not see a marriage in their near future..& just wondering if  these relationships ever succeed..

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@Evie2004

What I think is that the family needs to do what is best for the baby.

The mother does not have the right to say they can’t marry, they are of age and she doesn't want to help them anyway.

What the couple needs is a counselor to help them make plans.  

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@Noel7, I had to look back tonight, & yes, thank you for your very kind reply...I agree totally, I'm not sure they even are considering marriage right now..they have NO financial resources at this time, hopefully they will be able to get on their feet soon & make a home with their new baby..

[Noel7]

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@Evie2004 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Evie2004 wrote:

I guess my previous post about my great-niece having a baby is unrelated to the actual topic here, but I have been looking for someone in a similar situation as theirs...I actually do not see a marriage in their near future..& just wondering if  these relationships ever succeed..

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@Evie2004

What I think is that the family needs to do what is best for the baby.

The mother does not have the right to say they can’t marry, they are of age and she doesn't want to help them anyway.

What the couple needs is a counselor to help them make plans.  

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@Noel7, I had to look back tonight, & yes, thank you for your very kind reply...I agree totally, I'm not sure they even are considering marriage right now..they have NO financial resources at this time, hopefully they will be able to get on their feet soon & make a home with their new baby..

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@Evie2004

They have you with all the wisdom you’ve acquired, they are lucky.