Re: Marriage Trending Down

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

I am 46 (soon to be 47), and I have never been married, and I may never get married.

If I don't, that's fine.

If I meet someone that I want to settle down with, that's fine too.

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@Noel7 wrote:

That’s basically the point. That was expected of women back on the day, not so much now. Grocery shopping, preparing meals and doing the dishes is waiting on men. So is doing all the cleaning. It also deprives women of the time and energy to get their own job or higher education.

Women can still choose that but most don’t want it expected of them.

@Noel7

I don't want to start an argument but if those things are "waiting on men". Is cutting the grass, shoveling the snow, changing a tire, fixing things around the house, maintaining the cars, etc., etc., all while working a full time job with all the overtime you can get so that your family is taken care of "waiting on women?" Just asking. I am from another generation.

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

It's a funny paradox.

The young men I work with are degreed professionals with good salaries and most say they've been thru college and on their own long enough that they cook very well, thank you.

Then the young women, also professionals are "eeew, cook"?! OMG, OMG, that's what my mom and grandma do!

The girls prefer the drama on FB and swiping right instead of being in what they see as a boring married life.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Starpolisher wrote:
@SahmIam wrote:
@Starpolisher wrote:
@TNoel7 wrote:
starpolisher wrote:
@Snowpuppy wrote:
@DiAnne wrote:
My grandchildern at 29 and 30. Are single and living alone. I haven't heard any complaints from either one.
The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.
This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

Hi @Starpolisher

Re: “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.” That could be the problem. Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.
Hi @Noel7
I don't know but I think the problem may be how they view it. I don't consider what I do "waiting on men" or being a "cleaning woman." I do it because I want to and because I was raised to believe it was my role. Just as it's his role to be the bread winner, fix things, do the yard work and be the head of the family. That's how my parents did it so that's what I knew. And yes both my mom and I worked outside the home but after our children started school all day. While I would put marrying off until I was older, I wouldn't change the role I play. I actually enjoy it and believe it IS important to the dynamics of a family! The happiest time of my life was being a stay at home mom with my ds'!😉😀

IMHO, BOTH parties should know how to cook, how to clean, how to earn money, how to raise children, etc. In other words, in order to not get "stuck" which is how many look upon these tasks, both members of the relationship need to be able to step up to the plate regarding any task that is needed to be completed. If neither can, then it means hiring a cleaning person, eating out for every meal, etc. That's a lot of money being spent on things each person could do for free, but whatever floats your boat.

Sometimes, however, things happen and if one person is home (for whatever reason), it comes down to the attitude of who "earns" the money. If you don't get a paycheck, then you're not doing anything valuable. Bullcrap, yet that IS the attitude of society including the government (ask any fulltime caregiver and they'll tell you they get ZIPPO for the work they do). I think many are afraid of this happening to them for whatever reason so....avoid getting married, avoid living with someone and definitely avoid having kids in order to stay safe in the lifestyle you prefer and have chosen.

@SahmIam
I think part of the problem is like you say, that many view being a cargiver(not getting a pay check) as valueless but in reality it is priceless! As a woman who has worked both in and outside my home, I can tell you that the workplace, IMO, is much easier to do than being a full time, round the clock wife and mother. Many of the young teachers that I worked with actually said they'd rather come to work than be at home with the kids all day. I get it but that wasn't me. As far as the roles dh and I played, well yes we both know how to step up to the plate but for us, having defined roles makes for a smoother, more cohesive relationship. I know what's expected of me and he knows the same. Sometimes it doesn't happen that way but overall it has worked for us. I wanted to stay home when my son's were young. He also wanted me to. Knowing right from the start what we expected from one another and agreeing about it helped make life less difficult.

@Starpolisher

By caregiver do you mean a mother? I am a mother and I stayed home for quite awhile. I was also a caregiver for my mother, then my father and then my father’s elderly best friend who had no one else.

That’s nice but it wasn’t in the same ballpark imo as going to school, finding a career I loved and making a good salary myself.

You don’t have to be the only one cooking and cleaning in order to know what is expected of each other. Our first agreement in that area was that whoever cooked, the other one did the dishes.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

I never felt any particular pressure to get married. But my daughter's (she's 23) friends are all getting married and popping out babies like there's no tomorrow!

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Starpolisher wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:

That’s basically the point. That was expected of women back on the day, not so much now. Grocery shopping, preparing meals and doing the dishes is waiting on men. So is doing all the cleaning. It also deprives women of the time and energy to get their own job or higher education.

Women can still choose that but most don’t want it expected of them.
@Noel7
I don't want to start an argument but if those things are "waiting on men". Is cutting the grass, shoveling the snow, changing a tire, fixing things around the house, maintaining the cars, etc., etc., all while working a full time job with all the overtime you can get so that your family is taken care of "waiting on women?" Just asking. I am from another generation.

@Starpolisher

I don’t think we are a different generation 😊 Many women decades ago did not take the ascribed path. You can see them in politics, medicine, the arts, etc. It’s about choice for all of us.

Cutting the grass is not a personal service.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Starpolisher wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:

That’s basically the point. That was expected of women back on the day, not so much now. Grocery shopping, preparing meals and doing the dishes is waiting on men. So is doing all the cleaning. It also deprives women of the time and energy to get their own job or higher education.

Women can still choose that but most don’t want it expected of them.
@Noel7
I don't want to start an argument but if those things are "waiting on men". Is cutting the grass, shoveling the snow, changing a tire, fixing things around the house, maintaining the cars, etc., etc., all while working a full time job with all the overtime you can get so that your family is taken care of "waiting on women?" Just asking. I am from another generation.

Up until the mid 1960s, those things were expected of women whether they wanted to do them or not. The missing piece was choice. For the generations since then, both men and women largely have a freedom of choice society didn’t give them previously.

Those “wifely expectations” are largely a choice now, a joint decision between the couple. Maybe she wants to break the glass ceiling at her job, and maybe he would love to telecommute and be a Mr Mom. Once upon a time that would have been viewed as totally freaky, very odd, and not all that socially acceptable.

But today, couples work it out between them and to heck with society; it wasn’t always that way - and when it wasn’t, yes, women (and sometimes men) were very resentful of their prescribed, boxed “roles” and did feel as if they were trapped in “women’s work” or the Mad Men three-martini high pressure workday, and they did resent it. Every single one of them? No. But a sizeable portion.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow

isn't that interesting observation. My niece who just graduated with her PhD & turned 30 is in "perplexed" because all her friends are now marrying & having children. She confided in me she is perfectly happy without children (except her little puppy) and extremely happy being married.

She asked me if it was wrong NOT to have those "baby blues" because she is enjoying life now that her education is done, has a wonderful job, built a beautiful home and a wonderful husband.

(Her mother had a fit she thinks it time for her to think about her biological clock and pressuring her).

I told her LIVE your LIFE for YOU not what others EXPECT you to live it!