Community Chat

[SahmIam]

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@TNoel7 wrote:

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

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@DiAnne wrote:

My grandchildern at 29 and 30.  Are single and living alone.  I haven't heard any complaints from either one.  

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The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.

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This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

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Hi @Starpolisher

Re:  “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.”  That could be the problem.  Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.

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Hi @Noel7

I don't know but I think the problem may be how they view it. I don't consider what I do "waiting on men" or being a "cleaning woman." I do it because I want to and because I was raised to believe it was my role. Just as it's his role to be the bread winner, fix things, do the yard work and be the head of the family. That's how my parents did it so that's what I knew. And yes both my mom and I worked outside the home but after our children started school all day. While I would put marrying off until I was older, I wouldn't change the role I play. I actually enjoy it and believe it IS important to the dynamics of a family! The happiest time of my life was being a stay at home mom with my ds'!😉😀

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IMHO, BOTH parties should know how to cook, how to clean, how to earn money, how to raise children, etc. In other words, in order to not get "stuck" which is how many look upon these tasks, both members of the relationship need to be able to step up to the plate regarding any task that is needed to be completed. If neither can, then it means hiring a cleaning person, eating out for every meal, etc. That's a lot of money being spent on things each person could do for free, but whatever floats your boat.

Sometimes, however, things happen and if one person is home (for whatever reason), it comes down to the attitude of who "earns" the money.  If you don't get a paycheck, then you're not doing anything valuable. Bullcrap, yet that IS the attitude of society including the government (ask any fulltime caregiver and they'll tell you they get ZIPPO for the work they do). I think many are afraid of this happening to them for whatever reason so....avoid getting married, avoid living with someone and definitely avoid having kids in order to stay safe in the lifestyle you prefer and have chosen.

[AuntG]

Perhaps waiting longer is wise. We were both older when we married.

[suzyQ3]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

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@DiAnne wrote:

My grandchildern at 29 and 30.  Are single and living alone.  I haven't heard any complaints from either one.  

---

The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.

---

This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

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Hi @Starpolisher

Re:  “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.”  That could be the problem.  Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.

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We all have to find our way. One option that we took was to share responsbilities depending on what direction our lives we're going.

Neither of us would ever have been happy with circumscribed roles in our marriage. I believe that our daughter benefited greatly from that. She and her husband both have demanding careers and share the responsibilities of taking care of their children and everything else.

[Noel7]

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@AuntG wrote:

Perhaps waiting longer is wise. We were both older when we married

@AuntG

I agree, but if a couple wants children, there is the ticking clock.  A reason some women freeze their eggs.

[Noel7]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

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@DiAnne wrote:

My grandchildern at 29 and 30.  Are single and living alone.  I haven't heard any complaints from either one.  

---

The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.

---

This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

---

Hi @Starpolisher

Re:  “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.”  That could be the problem.  Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.

---

We all have to find our way. One option that we took was to share responsbilities depending on what direction our lives we're going.

Neither of us would ever have been happy with circumscribed roles in our marriage. I believe that our daughter benefited greatly from that. She and her husband both have demanding careers and share the responsibilities of taking care of their children and everything else.

@suzyQ3

We did the same.  We split chores and other responsibilities, we still do.  We both also taught our daughter skills we had, she’s pretty handy.

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[Irshgrl31201]

I am glad that women have more choices than they did when my mom got married. She had a happy marriage and liked being married but many women did it because it was expected.

I never thought I would get married. I lived with my now husband for 15 yrs and was just fine with that. We both have careers and our own businesses and we have combined what we wanted to and kept separate what we wanted to. I visited a lawyer long ago to set up trusts for my daughter and those who I wanted to leave money to. 

In 2007 I found out I was pregnant and we were planning on keeping it. He has wanted to get married all along but honestly I never saw a reason if a child wasn't involved and I was a single mom (28yr old daughter) before that so it wasn't something I was afraid of or knew I couldn't do alone. However it wasn't something I set out to do alone. Her father became quite abusive and I would never put my daughter through a marriage like that so I ended it immediately at the first signs of abuse. How could I set an example as an independent woman by marrying my abuser and raising her in that environment where she would no doubt think that was normal and even what she deserved when she got older. No way.

I miscarried in 2007 but my boyfriend let it be known to me that despite the miscarriage that he felt for him marriage was important to him anyway. While it wasn't important to me, it was to him and in my 40s, just a few years ago and for the first time. I married. I am glad I waited that long and never felt pushed by my family or being desperate like some of my friends  when they were younger. I am glad I married and it is one of the best things I have done but I am not sure I would have felt the same if I was younger doing it for other reasons. 

I am glad people are able to choose not because of what society thinks and finances dictate but because what they truly want.

[Zhills]

It's not just a trend with the younger generation. 

Our 55+ community has "Single's Night" on the Social Calendar this year!

Times, they are a changing!

[SaRina]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

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@DiAnne wrote:

My grandchildern at 29 and 30.  Are single and living alone.  I haven't heard any complaints from either one.  

---

The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.

---

This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

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Hi @Starpolisher

Re:  “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.”  That could be the problem.  Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.

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@Ooh, that really made me bristle, @Noel7. :-)  I'm so glad I was born in a time where there were options, instead of being stifled, and raised to be more open-minded.

[mac116]

I am glad that young people have more choices than I did.  One of my sons got married at 23, the other at 26. Their wives both work, and everyone shares household tasks with no set "roles". I admire that.  My husband and I know that I do too much since I am semi-retired. He says that he worries about life without me because of that.

[Starpolisher]

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@SahmIam wrote:

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@Starpolisher wrote:

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@TNoel7 wrote:

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starpolisher wrote: 

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

---

@DiAnne wrote:

My grandchildern at 29 and 30.  Are single and living alone.  I haven't heard any complaints from either one.  

---

The complaints I've heard from the young professional guys is that they are looking for someone to settle down with and can't find anyone who is much interested.

---

This seems to be the situation for my youngest son. He's 36. He's an attractive guy, makes a substantial salary, has a nice laid back personality, owns a beautiful condo in the city yet he's still single. He also says the women nowadays don't want to or know how to cook or clean. I do see this with my sweet dil as well as my friends dil's as well. They certainly don't believe in the traditional roles that I'm used to. He does travel quite a bit and he is happy. That's what's important to me. To each his own but unfortunately for me it means I probably won't have any grandchildren from him. My ds' both believe that marriage should be in the equation before children.

---

Hi @Starpolisher

Re:  “women nowadays don’t know how to cook and clean.”  That could be the problem.  Most women aren’t interested in waiting on men or being a cleaning lady. There are better options.

---

Hi @Noel7

I don't know but I think the problem may be how they view it. I don't consider what I do "waiting on men" or being a "cleaning woman." I do it because I want to and because I was raised to believe it was my role. Just as it's his role to be the bread winner, fix things, do the yard work and be the head of the family. That's how my parents did it so that's what I knew. And yes both my mom and I worked outside the home but after our children started school all day. While I would put marrying off until I was older, I wouldn't change the role I play. I actually enjoy it and believe it IS important to the dynamics of a family! The happiest time of my life was being a stay at home mom with my ds'!😉😀

---

IMHO, BOTH parties should know how to cook, how to clean, how to earn money, how to raise children, etc. In other words, in order to not get "stuck" which is how many look upon these tasks, both members of the relationship need to be able to step up to the plate regarding any task that is needed to be completed. If neither can, then it means hiring a cleaning person, eating out for every meal, etc. That's a lot of money being spent on things each person could do for free, but whatever floats your boat.

Sometimes, however, things happen and if one person is home (for whatever reason), it comes down to the attitude of who "earns" the money.  If you don't get a paycheck, then you're not doing anything valuable. Bullcrap, yet that IS the attitude of society including the government (ask any fulltime caregiver and they'll tell you they get ZIPPO for the work they do). I think many are afraid of this happening to them for whatever reason so....avoid getting married, avoid living with someone and definitely avoid having kids in order to stay safe in the lifestyle you prefer and have chosen.

@SahmIam

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 I think part of the problem is like you say, that many view being a cargiver(not getting a pay check) as valueless but in reality it is priceless! As a woman who has worked both in and outside my home, I can tell you that the workplace, IMO, is much easier to do than being a full time, round the clock wife and mother. Many of the young teachers that I worked with actually said they'd  rather come to work than be at home with the kids all day. I get it but that wasn't me. As far as the roles dh and I played, well yes we both know how to step up to the plate but for us, having defined roles makes for a smoother, more cohesive relationship. I know what's expected of me and he knows the same. Sometimes it doesn't happen that way but overall it has worked for us. I wanted to stay home when my son's were young. He also wanted me to. Knowing right from the start what we expected from one another and agreeing about it helped make life less difficult.