MIL DIL issue - Page 5

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

On 4/6/2014 FUTURE said: This whole situation is weird, and I feel like there's more to the story or something I'm missing. Do you hang out with your grand kids, or just when you babysit? Idk why she would say that to someone she wants to hang out with. It's pretty obvious you don't like her very much. Maybe she is trying to get to know you more to change your opinion of her?

I just had the 7 year old for spring break. The others are too young. I love having them at my house and doing things. DH and I had a ball. I think she is a good mother but boring. Other than the kids and son we have nothing in common.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

On 4/6/2014 pistolino said:
On 4/6/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:
Well here is my two cents. I don't consider babysitting while they are at the hospital with another child a huge gift. To me, that is the stuff grandparents do and actually enjoy doing.

My daughter is due this summer and I plan on spending all sorts of time with my grandson. I can't imagine feeling like it would be a huge gift for my daughter and SIL for me to watch this lil man. It will be a gift to me.

I do have a great relationship with my SIL, I lucked out. He is a good guy but even if I didn't I would make sure I did. I would spend the time I needed to to get to know him because being in my daughters life is one of my top priorities. I am very close with her and I intend on always being very close with her.

Do you ask your DIL out to go shopping or do things that interest her? Have an occasional lunch out with her. Get involved with her life.

She raised HER children already. No grandparent is obligated to babysit, and when they do it IS a huge gift. Nor is any MIL obligated to foster a relationship with someone who flat-out called her an "ice queen".

Bingo!! Also daughter in law relationships are far more different that daughter ones...big time.

But I still wouldn't smother them just because they are my child.

croemer · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/6/2014 pistolino said:
On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/6/2014 maryebrown said:
On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
Okay now she just called to say sorry that she if she hurt my feelings but she wasn't sorry she said that. Her other complaint was that I give them too many treats and gifts. Okay.. Now my head is spinning. Mommies always trump grandmas so it is her way as that was it was when mine were little. I can give less treats and gifts, I didn't know. My mil was very frugal so I didn't have the over indulgent issue. I guess my ego is taking a bruising and I turned the phone off in case there are more she wants to scold me for tonight. Men never have this issue. My husband is on the computer stress free, the little bugger.

I would talk to your DH about it, get his perspective. I don't think you're overreacting, if I was in your position, I'd be peeved at her "playing games". IMO she needs to own up to her verbal abuse of you and REALLY apologize (and mean it)!

DH said " as long as we are kind to her" she scored. She needs to make friends." Then he went to putt in the back yard. A big talker that one.

Your husband is right---she does need to make some friends (her own age) and that non-apology was just heartwarming.............NOT.

If she feels like you give them too many treats, THAT would have been an acceptable thing to say and not "ice queen".

Lay off the treats and gifts and she shouldn't have much to complain about. But she will anyway.

It sounds like your DIL has a lot of time on her hands to be creating problems for herself.

${#emotions_dlg.lol}$ Sadly I think you are right on all counts.

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**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

On 4/6/2014 tansy said: Nancy, is her mom nearby?

She is close to her mom but she lives far. However her sister is 5 minutes away who I love. Sister is fun.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

serenity4ever · ‎11-04-2013

What transpired right before she called you an ice queen? What was the conversation about? Anyone who would call their MIL an ice queen must be aware that it could put quite a wedge in the relationship. How has your relationship been prior to her striking out at you?

pistolino · ‎07-04-2011

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/6/2014 FUTURE said: This whole situation is weird, and I feel like there's more to the story or something I'm missing. Do you hang out with your grand kids, or just when you babysit? Idk why she would say that to someone she wants to hang out with. It's pretty obvious you don't like her very much. Maybe she is trying to get to know you more to change your opinion of her?

I just had the 7 year old for spring break. The others are too young. I love having them at my house and doing things. DH and I had a ball. I think she is a good mother but boring. Other than the kids and son we have nothing in common.

I think it's weird she's looking for friendship with you. If she was enjoyable to be with, you'd have done that already. She needs a hobby or a job.

Lila Belle · ‎01-24-2013

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/6/2014 Lila Belle said:
Why are you focusing on the babysitting and not hanging with her ? that's what I think you are missing here.

You are right. The babysitting is easier to deal with. I would rather have a root canal than be alone with her. Either I will have to man up and be with her or she will just have her get over my iciness.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm thankful to have a good relationship with my MIL.

Good luck to you both.

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

Thank You everyone! I am getting all kinds of perspectives. I feel better!

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

On 4/6/2014 serenity4ever said:
What transpired right before she called you an ice queen? What was the conversation about? Anyone who would call their MIL an ice queen must be aware that it could put quite a wedge in the relationship. How has your relationship been prior to her striking out at you?

I thought for the past ten years it was good. I am in shock. I was dropping off the 7 year old and he was telling all the fun things we did. She pulls me away into another room and that is when she said it.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
Okay now she just called to say sorry that she if she hurt my feelings but she wasn't sorry she said that. Her other complaint was that I give them too many treats and gifts. Okay.. Now my head is spinning. Mommies always trump grandmas so it is her way as that was it was when mine were little. I can give less treats and gifts, I didn't know. My mil was very frugal so I didn't have the over indulgent issue. I guess my ego is taking a bruising and I turned the phone off in case there are more she wants to scold me for tonight. Men never have this issue. My husband is on the computer stress free, the little bugger.

Now I'm starting to wonder if she just got her period or something. ${#emotions_dlg.scared}$ Why you the whipping post all of a sudden?