MIL DIL issue - Page 36

stilltamn8r · ‎03-14-2010

And PLEASE everyone, remember "devoted to my family" means different things to different people.

serenity4ever · ‎11-04-2013

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:
And PLEASE everyone, remember "devoted to my family" means different things to different people.

I enjoyed this thread. It definitely made me think about the fact that not everyone has the same ideas about devotion to family. How else can we learn anything if we want to stay comfortable with only our own beliefs. It's nice to read something different and realize that everyone has a different point of view... which is the best thing about coming here to participate. Smile

stilltamn8r · ‎03-14-2010

True! some would say ""devotion to family"" means to cut up their kids' meat on the plate before they eat it- others might say its teaching them how to hunt so they can eat forever with no ones help!

stilltamn8r · ‎03-14-2010

and both would be CORRECT!

baddest_dog · ‎04-29-2010

On 4/8/2014 BuckleBunny said:
On 4/8/2014 serenity4ever said:
Pridequeen, I just wanted to mention how much I enjoy your posts on the forums. You are always so articulate and write such interesting and thought-provoking posts...

I'll second that.

thank you both.

baddest_dog · ‎04-29-2010

On 4/8/2014 azterry! said:
On 4/8/2014 BuckleBunny said:
On 4/8/2014 serenity4ever said:
Pridequeen, I just wanted to mention how much I enjoy your posts on the forums. You are always so articulate and write such interesting and thought-provoking posts...

I'll second that.

I'll third it.

Nicely stated pridequeen

thank you.

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/8/2014 LipstickDiva said:
On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:
I am totally devoted to my family. I just don't see the wrong if other people aren't as long as they raised their children well, their job is done. I don't see this as a right or wrong issue. Just people being different.

And just because you don't want to babysit your grandkids every weekend doesn't mean you aren't devoted to your family either.

That goes both ways. If your kids expect that you are going to take care of their kids whenever they want to do something, IMO they are taking advantage and aren't very respectful of you as a grandparent either.

I agree. I have a blended family due to an early widowhood. So I have had children and been taking care of children from the time I was 24 until now at age 60. I still adore my grands and love being with them, but I like doing my own thing too.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:
I am totally devoted to my family. I just don't see the wrong if other people aren't as long as they raised their children well, their job is done. I don't see this as a right or wrong issue. Just people being different.

${#emotions_dlg.thumbup1}$

Right you are!

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

I had a lovely MIL but our personalities were different and I really didn't enjoy her company, she wasn't boring, we just didn't connect. That's the thing, you can't pick your family, it doesn't mean you don't love/like them, you just wouldn't hang out with them if they weren't realated to you, that goes for relatives that are related to you by blood, not just in-laws. I wish I would've enjoyed my MIL's company but the real world things don't go as you wish them to, you have to deal with the reality. That's why I probably enjoy my friends so much, you get to pick them.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/8/2014 pridequeen said:
On 4/8/2014 gidgetgoeshawaiian said:
On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:
What I don't get, having kept up with this entire thread, is the amount of what I perceive as animosity towards the OP? Many people here have suggested ways the OP can mend fences with the DIL without putting down the OP's feelings. Others seem to be aghast that the OP lives her life differently than they would and have been very insulting to her.

I just don't get that.

I've been following this entire thread and have read every post and I totally agree with you. OP posted and then it was off to the races. We only know what we read here and many people just took that and have created this entire scenario and, as you posted, they do seem to be aghast that the OP doesn't live her life the way they live theirs and that she doesn't act the way they would in this situation.

Why are you shocked by this? People perceive others by calling on their own set of values and in many instances when they encounter someone who seems to have such a different set of values, they have something to say about it. If a person does not want to have their lives or values scrutinized, then why put something out there that is very personal in the first place? That's like someone running for office then is upset when the media exposes their lives to the public.

Liberals are shocked at how conservatives think and vice versa. All human interactions are subject to people's opinions. I think the OP started this thread with the intention of telling everyone how awful her DIL is/was and some of us felt it was unfair. Some of us felt that being boring was not the reason for the distance ND put between herself and son's family. I read all the posts and it is my opinion that the OP married young, had children, said DH was away at sea so most of childrearing was up to her. She did it because it was her duty as a mother and in one post said she "worked for 35 years but not outside the home". Mothers who wanted to raise children didn't feel it was work but a privilege. Once her own kids grew up, she finally felt free to pursue her own life and fun without them. So I don't think that is the DIL's fault. But my thing is if she wants to live her life that way, okay fine, no skin off my back, but then don't go to a public forum and tell people about her DIL calling her a name. For all we know, the DIL could have said to ND that she thought she was "cold" and then the OP coined it Ice Queen.

The OP feels she earned the right to her social life by raising her family and now she's done. Other posters read more into it by accusing the DIL of wanting to monopolize her life when in fact I never read that anywhere. And finally, to answer those who keep stating why does the DIL want to be friends with her MIL, she should have her own friends., Well, perhaps the DIL wants this because it would make her husband, OP's son, happy. Nowhere did the poster tell us anything about her son and how he feels. When our children marry, their spouses become part of the family and you know the old saying "happy wife, happy life" so there are always other things to think about than the tidbits posters tell us when they start threads. A lot of people put thought into it because like me, they probably try to imagine how they would feel in this situation.