MIL DIL issue - Page 19

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

It is very telling when a person wants brownie points for helping family during a crisis.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

Cranberries · ‎03-09-2010

I remember a thread quite a while ago about the topic of kids caring their elderly parents. I don't think it ended well.

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 pridequeen said:
a woman of character? Well, I'll just wait now for your groupies to show up and turn this thread into one of your daily antagonistic diatribes and then like so many others before this, it will get poofed. If she was called a name, perhaps she deserved it. And while her issue may be with the DIL, the grandchildren are an extension of their parents and therefore any hostility or bad feelings will filter down to them. She wants a social life now because she already raised her kids? Sounds like someone who felt it was a chore to do that and now her duty is done. You can applaud her all you want, I think she sounds cold and selfish.

Okay. I'll go now. Evidently your opinion is the only one that counts. I guess I could say those who agree with you here are YOUR groupies. But that wouldn't be very nice would it?

Carry on. I won't trouble you further with my take.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
I remember a thread quite a while ago about the topic of kids caring their elderly parents. I don't think it ended well.

I can imagine that topic could go off the rails here

maryebrown_1 · ‎09-14-2012

I think both the MIL & DIL have communication problems and both of them deeply resent each other. I doubt anything will change for the better until they somehow resolve their issues, amicably. The Grandkids are the ones who will suffer from their bitterness towards each other.

baddest_dog · ‎04-29-2010

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 pridequeen said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 bathina said:
On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:
Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

Yup. And who could blame them? Call one of your golf or church buddies to empty your commode and wipe your butt. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$

Well, evidently she is taking care of her OWN parents. Guess that doesn't count?

BTW, she didn't say she is taking care of her parents, she said she is hanging with them, For all we know they are lively people who golf with her. I don't get the impression she is wiping anyone's behind.

Who said she was?

you just don't quit do you? I've seen you do this a thousand times before in other threads until you and your buddies cause them to be deleted. You like to make baiting statements all the time and I'm done. go fish in another pond.

JustJules · ‎06-25-2013

On 4/7/2014 tansy said:
On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
I remember a thread quite a while ago about the topic of kids caring their elderly parents. I don't think it ended well.

I can imagine that topic could go off the rails here

We could start a topic about trains and see if that stays on track? ${#emotions_dlg.laugh}$ There is no "safe" topic here.... when a thread about toast got hostile I thought I had seen it all, but there was more.

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

I think she wants to spend time with you but you obviously come across cold to her. As for giving the kids treats..I think she is using that now as a negative.

I don't see how you babysitting two days while the other grandchild was in the hospital was a favor..goodness it your family - of course you would step up.

As for finding her boring that says more about you then her..You are being the judgmental one. Why not meet for lunch and go shopping for the grandkids - that is always something woman have in common.

I have 2 grandkids and a very busy work life with a stressful job and commute, disabled hubby and we still spend a lot of time with the grandkids and babysitting...it isn't a obligation we adore them and want to be a remembered - thought of with love- part of their lives. I had the best grandmother in the world and I want to give my grandkids that!

Yuban3 · ‎03-10-2010

Sounds like the d-i-l is keeping in mind that you, o/p are her children's grandma, and she is trying to find a way for them to have a healthy relationship with their grandma.

Don't forget, no matter what you think of your d-i-l, she is your grandchildren's mother.

They will grow up.

They will see how you treat their mother.

They will form their own opinions about you.

So, don't be surprised if 10 years from now, those grandchildren will want nothing to do with you, because they saw with their very own eyes, how you treated their mother.

Which side do you think those grandkids are going to take?

So don't come here crying about how your grandkids don't want to spend any time with you. You will have made your own bed.

So, is it worth risking loosing the relationship that you have with your grandkids, simply because you find their own mother a "bore", and are too stubborn, and unwilling, and too selfish and self-centered, to even try to cultivate a relationship with your d-i-l?

Is it worth it?

Is it?

If so, then keep on the road that you are now on, because I can almost guarantee you, you will loose that relationship that you now have with your grandkids.

Was Yuban, then changed to Plaid Pants due to forum upgrade, and apparently, I'm back to being Yuban.

nun ya · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:

Yes, I have grandchildren and I adore them. What does that have to do with the issues the OP is having. Her issue is with the daughter in law not the grandchildren. You are mischaracterizing the issue when you say that she wants no part of the life her son's family is offering.

She was called names by the dil, was scolded for the things she DID try to do for the grandchildren and yet she is in the wrong? I don't get that.

I also applaud her for not dragging her son into the middle of it all. She sounds like a woman of character to me.

I don't think you can have an issue with the DIL and not have it effect the grandkids. It does.