MIL DIL issue - Page 17

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 BuckleBunny said:
On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
My daughter in law told me today I was an ice queen. I asked why? She said because I never want to do anything with her. She said I am either golfing, volunteering at church or hanging with my own elder parents. If she knew how much time I wasted here it on QVC it would blow her mind. She said that I don't make myself available for babysitting. 2 weeks ago I spent 2 days overnight so mommy and daddy could both go to hospital for youngest granddaughters surgery. Guess she forgot about that. I thought I was giving her a huge gift, not to be around and pester her. Isn't that what all dil want? What am I missing?

A heart.

So caring for her own elderly parents means she doesn't have a heart?

Yuban3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:
On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

Wow! If that's your attitude, that your d-i-l should put you on a pedestal for watching her kids, while they were with their other child who was in the hospital, then you d-i-l is right. You ARE cold, and an ice queen.

Was Yuban, then changed to Plaid Pants due to forum upgrade, and apparently, I'm back to being Yuban.

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

Cranberries · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
OP: If you feel you did nothing wrong and you're not about to do anything to help or change the situation I am not sure why you even posted this to begin with. I guess when everyone didn't pat your back and agree with you, is when you decided you're in the right and that you're now just washing your hands of the situation.

I think it's nice your DIL actually wants to be closer with you. Some DIL's aren't that way.

Last night when she signed off she thanked everyone for their comments and said that she was going to think about it all. Today she has made her decision. Also, many people DID agree with her and so your comments are not fair at all.

I wasn't here last night. I based my above comment on her recent comments saying it's the DIL's problem, not hers. I'll c/p it so I get it right. brb

"I have no idea. I have decided it is her issue and I am going to enjoy this stage in life after all the hard work. I am not asking her to change. Sometimes it is what it is and on that note I am off to hit a bucket of balls and then take Mom out to lunch. Have a nice day everyone. Hope the weather is springlike!"

Please don't put me in a timeout.

#143 of 163

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 pridequeen said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:
On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

Good for you Nancy!

wow, cheering her on for this statement. And you as I've read, have grandchildren. I would not have expected that kind of cold response from you. I was under the impression one can have a social life AND spend time with family and grandchildren. The OP just let us know exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier post. There is a lot more going on than one instance about calling her ice queen. She wants no part of the life her son's family is offering.

Yes, I have grandchildren and I adore them. What does that have to do with the issues the OP is having. Her issue is with the daughter in law not the grandchildren. You are mischaracterizing the issue when you say that she wants no part of the life her son's family is offering.

She was called names by the dil, was scolded for the things she DID try to do for the grandchildren and yet she is in the wrong? I don't get that.

I also applaud her for not dragging her son into the middle of it all. She sounds like a woman of character to me.

bathina · ‎03-14-2010

On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:
Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

Yup. And who could blame them? Call one of your golf or church buddies to empty your commode and wipe your butt. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
OP: If you feel you did nothing wrong and you're not about to do anything to help or change the situation I am not sure why you even posted this to begin with. I guess when everyone didn't pat your back and agree with you, is when you decided you're in the right and that you're now just washing your hands of the situation.

I think it's nice your DIL actually wants to be closer with you. Some DIL's aren't that way.

Last night when she signed off she thanked everyone for their comments and said that she was going to think about it all. Today she has made her decision. Also, many people DID agree with her and so your comments are not fair at all.

I wasn't here last night. I based my above comment on her recent comments saying it's the DIL's problem, not hers. I'll c/p it so I get it right. brb

"I have no idea. I have decided it is her issue and I am going to enjoy this stage in life after all the hard work. I am not asking her to change. Sometimes it is what it is and on that note I am off to hit a bucket of balls and then take Mom out to lunch. Have a nice day everyone. Hope the weather is springlike!"

Please don't put me in a timeout.

#143 of 163

I stand by what I said. She thought it over overnight and made her decision. She received input from all sides. That does not constitute only wanting positive comments. She did receive many who agreed with her.

Cranberries · ‎03-09-2010

At least she could get her gossip on when her church friends are changing her bed sheets.

Cranberries · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:
OP: If you feel you did nothing wrong and you're not about to do anything to help or change the situation I am not sure why you even posted this to begin with. I guess when everyone didn't pat your back and agree with you, is when you decided you're in the right and that you're now just washing your hands of the situation.

I think it's nice your DIL actually wants to be closer with you. Some DIL's aren't that way.

Last night when she signed off she thanked everyone for their comments and said that she was going to think about it all. Today she has made her decision. Also, many people DID agree with her and so your comments are not fair at all.

I wasn't here last night. I based my above comment on her recent comments saying it's the DIL's problem, not hers. I'll c/p it so I get it right. brb

"I have no idea. I have decided it is her issue and I am going to enjoy this stage in life after all the hard work. I am not asking her to change. Sometimes it is what it is and on that note I am off to hit a bucket of balls and then take Mom out to lunch. Have a nice day everyone. Hope the weather is springlike!"

Please don't put me in a timeout.

#143 of 163

I stand by what I said. She thought it over overnight and made her decision. She received input from all sides. That does not constitute only wanting positive comments. She did receive many who agreed with her.

Stand by it all you want. I disagree with you.

scotttie · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 bathina said:
On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:
Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

Yup. And who could blame them? Call one of your golf or church buddies to empty your commode and wipe your butt. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$

Well, evidently she is taking care of her OWN parents. Guess that doesn't count?