MIL DIL issue - Page 3

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I'd invite her out to lunch every Sat. or so, and ask your son to babysit the kids. Then, when you two return, you can spend an hour or so with your grandchildren, then leave. She is very lucky that she doesn't have a meddling MIL. I've heard of many problem MILs.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

Okay now she just called to say sorry that she if she hurt my feelings but she wasn't sorry she said that. Her other complaint was that I give them too many treats and gifts. Okay.. Now my head is spinning. Mommies always trump grandmas so it is her way as that was it was when mine were little. I can give less treats and gifts, I didn't know. My mil was very frugal so I didn't have the over indulgent issue. I guess my ego is taking a bruising and I turned the phone off in case there are more she wants to scold me for tonight. Men never have this issue. My husband is on the computer stress free, the little bugger.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

Libbylady · ‎03-09-2010

Maybe you were somewhat thrown by her calling you an "Ice Queen", but that sounds like a plea for a closer relationship to me. How fortunate you are to have your DIL ask to get closer to you!

I have 3 DIL's and each one is a distinctly different personality. It was not easy to find those commonalities between myself and them, especially the two who don't live so close. It sounds like you live in the same area and have more opportunity to see each other.

When I was a young mother I saw some MIL's who treated their DIL's as caretakers of the grand children, or her son's help-mate, but not as her own person.

Obviously you wanted to give your son's family needed space to grow, but maybe your DIL wants a little more from you, woman to woman. I think that is a great compliment.

Why don't you suggest a once a month time together and perhaps it will grow to a place where both of you will become comfortable enough to have a generational friendship and less of the MIL/DIL relationship. Good luck to both of you!

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

You respect that she is the one your son chose, but why should you hang out with her like she's your girlfriend. I'm surprised that's what she wants either - does she not have friends? You don't make yourself available for babysitting? What does that mean?

Lila Belle · ‎01-24-2013

One of the best times I've ever had was learning how to bake fruitcake with my MIL and GMIL and 3 of my husband's aunts. We began at 7pm and finished at 7am. I learned so much about them as women, heard stories about their lives, hopes. And, we laughed and shed a few tears together.

So many of my friends have no real bonds with their in laws.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I'm sorry to hear this, and I think if she wants to have a closer relationship with you, there was a better way to approach the situation, than calling you an ice queen.

But...that's over and done with. I can't get over what she said....but I know you have to. Sorry, I have no advice, just want to say I hope this gets resolved for you.

maryebrown_1 · ‎09-14-2012

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
Okay now she just called to say sorry that she if she hurt my feelings but she wasn't sorry she said that. Her other complaint was that I give them too many treats and gifts. Okay.. Now my head is spinning. Mommies always trump grandmas so it is her way as that was it was when mine were little. I can give less treats and gifts, I didn't know. My mil was very frugal so I didn't have the over indulgent issue. I guess my ego is taking a bruising and I turned the phone off in case there are more she wants to scold me for tonight. Men never have this issue. My husband is on the computer stress free, the little bugger.

I would talk to your DH about it, get his perspective. I don't think you're overreacting, if I was in your position, I'd be peeved at her "playing games". IMO she needs to own up to her verbal abuse of you and REALLY apologize (and mean it)!

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

Seems like good news/bad news, Nancy. She's not bottling up her feelings --lol-- and not asking your son to run interference. I would seriously find something the two of you can enjoy together.

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

On 4/6/2014 VanSleepy said: You respect that she is the one your son chose, but why should you hang out with her like she's your girlfriend. I'm surprised that's what she wants either - does she not have friends? You don't make yourself available for babysitting? What does that mean?

When she ask I say yes more than I say no but I do say no. Our parish provides the hall and kitchen for funeral mass and we set up for it and serve the alcohol and greet the people who went to Mass but do not go to this parish. I love it and am good at it. When I tell them yes I can't or won't cancel unless it is important. P.S. how else would I find out the gossip? LOL. If I have golf game I say no unless it is really important like a dr's appointment. I do say no.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

Why would she want to spend time with an ice queen... her words. Way to insult someone you claim you want to be with. Then to call and say you're sorry but you meant it. Then to add insult to injury she criticizes how you gift the GK's...Wow!

It'd sure make me want to run over and jump for joy to be in her company. Not.

She sure is lacking the tact gene.