Community Chat

[croemer]

On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

On 4/8/2014 tansy said:

On 4/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

Unless you are there 24/7, you don't really know if they have visitors or not.

The staff will tell you who does not get visits from anyone. I have been a volunteer visitor before and might start again.

Um..yes I do...I speak with them about it because they have complemented me on coming to see my Mother and bringing her gifts ,food etc. I love talking to them. Also as tansy said the staff now and then mention they have no one come visit. I will sit and talk to them...even have brought books and magazines. Surprisingly the love People and the Enquirer.

Go to lunch with Mom and I sit and listen to many stories.

You are an amazingly kind woman Croemer

You should see the joy on their faces when I whip out those tabloids scottie...LOL they love them.

[scotttie]

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

On 4/8/2014 tansy said:

On 4/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

Unless you are there 24/7, you don't really know if they have visitors or not.

The staff will tell you who does not get visits from anyone. I have been a volunteer visitor before and might start again.

Um..yes I do...I speak with them about it because they have complemented me on coming to see my Mother and bringing her gifts ,food etc. I love talking to them. Also as tansy said the staff now and then mention they have no one come visit. I will sit and talk to them...even have brought books and magazines. Surprisingly the love People and the Enquirer.

Go to lunch with Mom and I sit and listen to many stories.

You are an amazingly kind woman Croemer

You should see the joy on their faces when I whip out those tabloids scottie...LOL they love them.

Maybe next time you could bring along the Chippendales! (a'la the other thread!)

[Lady McMuffet]

On 4/6/2014 pistolino said:

On 4/6/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:

Well here is my two cents. I don't consider babysitting while they are at the hospital with another child a huge gift. To me, that is the stuff grandparents do and actually enjoy doing.

My daughter is due this summer and I plan on spending all sorts of time with my grandson. I can't imagine feeling like it would be a huge gift for my daughter and SIL for me to watch this lil man. It will be a gift to me.

I do have a great relationship with my SIL, I lucked out. He is a good guy but even if I didn't I would make sure I did. I would spend the time I needed to to get to know him because being in my daughters life is one of my top priorities. I am very close with her and I intend on always being very close with her.

Do you ask your DIL out to go shopping or do things that interest her? Have an occasional lunch out with her. Get involved with her life.

She raised HER children already. No grandparent is obligated to babysit, and when they do it IS a huge gift. Nor is any MIL obligated to foster a relationship with someone who flat-out called her an "ice queen".

Pistolino, exactly!!!!!! best response on here. I totally agree. We have 13 grands & made it clear from the start what they should expect. This is our time now, we will spend time with our grands when we want to see them & they want to see us ( which is often) or if it is an emergency. There are times for their b/days or anniversaries that we have the child spend time with us so they can have a special time alone & yes, that is a gift. We are not "babysitters. The perception that this somewhat entitled generation has that grandparents are built in babysitters is absurd. We had our children. We raised them. Didn't expect our parents to be at our beck & call. They need to do the same. Guess you can tell this is a sore spot with me. It is. And we do get attitude at times. Pffff . You know what they can do with their attitude. ;-)

[scotttie]

I am totally devoted to my family. I just don't see the wrong if other people aren't as long as they raised their children well, their job is done. I don't see this as a right or wrong issue. Just people being different.

[croemer]

On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

On 4/8/2014 beammeupscottie said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

On 4/8/2014 tansy said:

On 4/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

Unless you are there 24/7, you don't really know if they have visitors or not.

The staff will tell you who does not get visits from anyone. I have been a volunteer visitor before and might start again.

Um..yes I do...I speak with them about it because they have complemented me on coming to see my Mother and bringing her gifts ,food etc. I love talking to them. Also as tansy said the staff now and then mention they have no one come visit. I will sit and talk to them...even have brought books and magazines. Surprisingly the love People and the Enquirer.

Go to lunch with Mom and I sit and listen to many stories.

You are an amazingly kind woman Croemer

You should see the joy on their faces when I whip out those tabloids scottie...LOL they love them.

Maybe next time you could bring along the Chippendales! (a'la the other thread!)

Believe me there a quite a few who still have a lot of life in them and might go for it.

[croemer]

Hi LadyM...long time no see.

[NoelSeven]

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

On 4/8/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

Geez, if we live our entire lives based on what "might" happen to us when we are old, then we are living a type of indentured servitude to our younger relatives for our entire lives!

I don't see it as that, but don't you think we kind of do have to live our lives with old age in mind?

For example: taking care of our bodies at all ages, especially if we know what illness runs in our family. And saving and preparing for retirement.

With family, it's realizing many of those relationships will last a lifetime or almost, so we want to keep that in mind.

Sure, but some posters seem to talk about getting along with their kids and doing things for them once they are adults (that they might NOT otherwise do) as some sort of
"chits" that they will cash in with those adult kids once they are old, or in a nursing home, or need help of some kind- Hey, if my kid doesn't want to help me when I'm old, fine, so be it, they don't have to- I raised them how I raised them, and didn't, and don't expect anything in return....

like, "You'll be sorry when you are old, if you don't treat your kid nice now, because then who will come visit you in the nursing home?" Sorry, I can't live my life like that...

I saw it more like the Harry Chapin song, Cat's In The Cradle.

Do you know that one?

[stilltamn8r]

On 4/8/2014 JJsMom said:

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

On 4/8/2014 JJsMom said:

You can choose to live a self-centered life. If that makes you happy, go for it. Just don't expect others to be generous to you with their time if you ever need them. Like I said, you reap what you sow.

So are you saying that an adult, who has already reared their children, and is retired, pursues their own interests rather than being at the beck and call of others, is "leading a self centered life?"

Having kids is a lifetime commitment. I guess it is just the way I was raised, and I plan to do the same when I get older. I would much rather spend time with my family than golf with a bunch of buddies. If you don't make someone a priority in your life, don't be surprised when you are no longer a priority in theirs. If you can live with that, then that is your choice.

I totally understand- I love my family too, but the fact is, they live in Reno and I live I Southern California- I am lucky to have a daughter in law that is a great mother, and I find witty, intelligent and get along with, same with my son- That said, they are in their '30's and don't need a mom like when they were kids-I work a 50 hour week and love to visit them, and have them visit me- But do I stop and say, "Hey, maybe I shouldn't do that for myself, maybe I should do something for THEM instead, so they will do something nice for me someday?? - "- no I never think that way

I wish they lived closer, but I fell like my job with them is done... everything else is "gravy" now..If they don't love me enough to help me when and if I need it, then so be it...
What would happen if your whole family moved away and you then HAD no "buddies" buddies are important too

[Yuban3]

"Cat's In The Cradle"

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then

[NoelSeven]

Yuban

Here's a link to the recording:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s5r2spPJ8g