Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

Whether it's a family member, a neighbor, or a friend, if you suggest getting together a few times and they don't accept then you should let it go realizing that they are not interested in you. What sort of person would want someone to spend time with them out of some feeling of obligation or to shut them up about it. Who is that desperate that they would demean themselves by pressuring another to do lunch?

[evelomaddict]

On 4/7/2014 Lila Belle said:

The time the OP spent posting about her DIL or other threads could have been spent shopping for Easter baskets or having a quick lunch.

sadly, i don't think she wants to be around her daughter in law, period.

[LaterGator]

Obviously, your DIL is not good enough for you or your son.

[Yuban3]

On 4/7/2014 serenity4ever said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

She said it a little harsh but not too harsh. We did do things in the beginning but she kind of bored me so I didn't want to hang that much with her. She is a good mother and she is stunning other than that not a whole lot going on. She wants to do things with out the kids so it isn't that she wants me for only babysitting although she does think I should want to babysit more than I do. I respect her as that is who my son choose and he is a grown man. I never call him as I wait until he has time to call me. He treats me very well. I thought things were going well. Kind of in shock and now feel a little guilty but yet I don't want to change things. Complicated I guess.

How much does her being stunning have to do with all of this? It isn't the first time a stunning woman has been rejected by an older woman....especially when she just happened to marry her son.

Envy/jealousy. The younger woman just by being there, is a reminder that the older woman is no longer young.

[Yuban3]

On 4/7/2014 azterry! said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/6/2014 Lila Belle said:

Why are you focusing on the babysitting and not hanging with her ? that's what I think you are missing here.

You are right. The babysitting is easier to deal with. I would rather have a root

canal than be alone with her.
Either I will have to man up and be with her or she will just have her get over my iciness.

Just a thought.

Unless your DIL is exceedingly dim, she is picking up on your dislike for her even though you might not say a word. Body language, silences, facial expressions etc are all tells to how people feel about one another.

If you really want to repair your relationship, you might want to make a point to be in a more positive frame of mind when you are around her. It will be hard if you truly dislike her, but it's the only way to have a relationship with her and your grandkids.

Kids pick up that same vibe too.

[stevieb]

My take on the stunning but boring remark was that to the OP, the DIL is a bit vacuous... pretty to look at, but not much else, which is an individual assessment and one that none of us can confirm or deny. The OP seems to want to maintain what she views as a healthy distance, involved on occasion, but not overly so. That really is her call, based on her lifestyle. This doesn't appear to be a jealousy thing to me... I will say, I can't believe this thread and all the accompanying analysis continues to live on and on...

And if there is any truth to the assumption made by some that the OP doesn't view her DIL as being a good fit for her son or for her family, an assumption, by the way, that didn't seem to be the case, she surely wouldn't be the first MIL to think her son made a questionable choice. Personally, I never interpreted the OP's comments as implying that, rather she seemed to merely accept her son's choice, wishes to set some limits, and while she finds her son's wife attractive, she doesn't find her particularly interesting...

[Yuban3]

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 lulu2 said:

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 evelomaddict said:

one day your daughter in law and son might be caring for you.

just something to think about.

Ummnnn no that is never going to happen. for one thing I am 53 and she is 33 so she might go before me!

Have you no filter?

I'm kidding!!!! Suddenly I am suppose to kiss her tushy because she might be caring for me. Are you kidding??? What about the women who don't have kids? They should have kids for the sole purpose of their needs later in life. What if they have kids and they still don't help. I joke around a lot. Not going to change now. I also don't want her visiting me when I am older. Aging id hard enough. I am kind to her. I drive 2 hours there and back for "date night". I give fab gifts. People have to let go of their opinions of how others have to be. I don't ask her to change.

Be careful of what you wish for, because you just might get it.

Here's hoping that you don't have a massive stroke, left unable to care for yourself, let alone "socialize", where you will need her to take care of you.

[stevieb]

I'd also note that a two hour trip to and from is hardly around the corner... Personally, given that little tidbit of information, I'd have to say I think the DIL is a bit presumptuous to assume her MIL should make that trip more than occasionally. I'm betting that road runs in both directions...

[SHAYDIE]

Who said he DIL would take care of her? I have my doubts since AL and nursing homes are full of people whose families have better things to do.

[glb613]

On 4/8/2014 SHAYDIE said:

Who said he DIL would take care of her? I have my doubts since AL and nursing homes of full of people whose families have better things to do.

Have you ever taken care of a totally dependent adult? Until you do, you have no idea what you're talking about. Shame on you.