Re: MIL DIL issue

JustJules · ‎06-25-2013

My sweet mother used to tell me that boring people are easily bored, then I read a quote from the author Ruth Burke and she says the same... "Only boring people get bored."

If the OP is bored with her DIL, perhaps that is more a reflection of herself and has nothing to do with the DIL, mother of her grandchildren and wife to her son.

Lila Belle · ‎01-24-2013

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 pridequeen said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 bathina said:
On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:
Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

Yup. And who could blame them? Call one of your golf or church buddies to empty your commode and wipe your butt. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$

Well, evidently she is taking care of her OWN parents. Guess that doesn't count?

BTW, she didn't say she is taking care of her parents, she said she is hanging with them, For all we know they are lively people who golf with her. I don't get the impression she is wiping anyone's behind.

Who said she was?

Uh, you did...

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

IMHO, OP missed the boat when her DIL called her to say she was sorry she hurt her feelings. It would have been an opening for OP. Like "I am sorry you feel that way, what have I done or not done to give you that impression?"

If someone (family or acquaintance) made that comment to me, I would feel terrible, as that is not the impression I want to project to others, whether I care about them or not.

We all could go round n round for days on this subject. OP has made her decision, she has more enjoyable things to do with her life then to be bothered with this.

Silver Lotus · ‎03-12-2014

Is somebody writing a book cuz if they are not they should. There are some excellent fiction writers here who can take a plot and run away with it by taking it in all different directions imputing motives to the OP that she never conveyed.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 Silver Lotus said:
Is somebody writing a book cuz if they are not they should. There are some excellent fiction writers here who can take a plot and run away with it by taking it in all different directions imputing motives to the OP that she never conveyed.

Best post of the thread.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

I think some people haven't bothered to read all the threads here before commenting. Either that or they don't comprehend.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I agree with Bridgegal that you're "damned if you do, damned if you don't". I had many issues with my MIL from the get-go. I gladly gave her the respect she deserved as my husband's mother, and the grandmother of our children, but chose to have little contact with her. Even though we did not have a close personal relationship, I knew she was extremely proud of the life I helped her son build; our home, our family, etc. I was the DIL she respected the most, and that was enough for me.

Wishing you the very best with your relationship with your DIL.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

On 4/7/2014 Allegheny said:
IMHO, OP missed the boat when her DIL called her to say she was sorry she hurt her feelings. It would have been an opening for OP. Like "I am sorry you feel that way, what have I done or not done to give you that impression?"

If someone (family or acquaintance) made that comment to me, I would feel terrible, as that is not the impression I want to project to others, whether I care about them or not.

We all could go round n round for days on this subject. OP has made her decision, she has more enjoyable things to do with her life then to be bothered with this.

I don't think the OP feelings were hurt! She wants nothing to do with this DIL.

Only positive thing she said about her is that she is a good mother and 'stunning'...... ${#emotions_dlg.confused1}$

She likes her sister, instead.

Looking at the OP posts, she is an Ice Queen. Plain and simple. You don't need to be a detective to figure that one out. LOL

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/7/2014 Lila Belle said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 pridequeen said:
On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:
On 4/7/2014 bathina said:
On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:
Son and DIL 20 years from now: We tried to reach out to her for years, and she just ignored us. It's fine to expect a phone call once in a while, but don't expect us to be her built in caregiver.

Yup. And who could blame them? Call one of your golf or church buddies to empty your commode and wipe your butt. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$

Well, evidently she is taking care of her OWN parents. Guess that doesn't count?

BTW, she didn't say she is taking care of her parents, she said she is hanging with them, For all we know they are lively people who golf with her. I don't get the impression she is wiping anyone's behind.

Who said she was?

Uh, you did...

Missed that one. Can you cite the post number?

*********************
Keepin' it real.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

On 4/7/2014 Yuban3 said:
Sounds like the d-i-l is keeping in mind that you, o/p are her children's grandma, and she is trying to find a way for them to have a healthy relationship with their grandma.

Don't forget, no matter what you think of your d-i-l, she is your grandchildren's mother.

They will grow up.

They will see how you treat their mother.

They will form their own opinions about you.

So, don't be surprised if 10 years from now, those grandchildren will want nothing to do with you, because they saw with their very own eyes, how you treated their mother.

Which side do you think those grandkids are going to take?

So don't come here crying about how your grandkids don't want to spend any time with you. You will have made your own bed.

So, is it worth risking loosing the relationship that you have with your grandkids, simply because you find their own mother a "bore", and are too stubborn, and unwilling, and too selfish and self-centered, to even try to cultivate a relationship with your d-i-l?

Is it worth it?

Is it?

If so, then keep on the road that you are now on, because I can almost guarantee you, you will loose that relationship that you now have with your grandkids.

I agree, because I lived it. I and my siblings had virtually no relationship with my father's parents primarily because of the way we saw them ignore my mother. They weren't interested in her, so we grew up not being interested in them. But they didn't seem to care, there were a lot of other grandchildren to go round.

On the other hand we had a very good relationship with my maternal grandparents, and even though they had valid reasons to dislike my father, they never reflected an untoward attitude to him that we children were able to pick up upon.