Community Chat

[scotttie]

On 4/7/2014 stevieb said:

On 4/6/2014 occasional rain said:

On 4/6/2014 Lucky Charm said:

In your opening post you said not to be around and pestering her, isn't that what all DILs want?

No, I wanted a relationship with my MIL and I wanted a close relationship with my DILs and SIL. They are my family. There is a lot to talk about. The kids for one.

You said you 'babysit' the 7 year old but the others are too little. Oh my gosh, I stayed with mine when they were hours old (let the mommies sleep!).

I have deep maternal instincts and these girls my sons married are as important to me as my own daughter!

If she said this to you then your son is aware of it. Wonder why he hasn't spoken to you? Wonder why you haven't spoken to him about it? Do you think he'll be mad at you (or her) or agree with his wife you are an ice queen?

Could your own son consider you an ice queen?

Oh I want to edit this to add: My mother in law turned out to be an ice queen, but about <em>17 years into the marriage</em>. Thus I became an 'Ice Queen Daughter in Law' and wore it well. LOL.

You may be very maternal and enjoy spending your time with babies but some women find babies boring, all they do is eat, sleep, and need diaper changes. Not my idea of a stimulating day.

The OP did her job. It's fine to 'expect' grandparents to pitch in on occasion, but not to expect a built in baby sitter.

Personally, I'd let this one percolate for a bit before doing anything. I certainly wouldn't rush to find some forced bonding experience, which will only seem artificial and probably leave you both feeling uncomfortable. If, down the road, a real opportunity comes along to spend time together then maybe take advantage of it. I'd also hope DIL might realize she didn't state her case particularly well and perhaps she will bring it up again... All that said, whenever feedback is tendered, it usually does serve us well to look at it, and only we can discern whether or not the feedback has some merit that might point us in a different direction, as related to our interactions with the person giving the feedback. Under no circumstances though, would I feel compelled to make myself her built in backup for childcare, nor would I permit myself to be completely at the mercy of her opinion.

This was the best response of all on this thread. Agree 100 percent!

[Cranberries]

OP: If you feel you did nothing wrong and you're not about to do anything to help or change the situation I am not sure why you even posted this to begin with. I guess when everyone didn't pat your back and agree with you, is when you decided you're in the right and that you're now just washing your hands of the situation.

I think it's nice your DIL actually wants to be closer with you. Some DIL's aren't that way.

[LizAnne_1]

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

My daughter in law told me today I was an ice queen. I asked why? She said because I never want to do anything with her. She said I am either golfing, volunteering at church or hanging with my own elder parents. If she knew how much time I wasted here it on QVC it would blow her mind. She said that I don't make myself available for babysitting. 2 weeks ago I spent 2 days overnight so mommy and daddy could both go to hospital for youngest granddaughters surgery. Guess she forgot about that. I thought I was giving her a huge gift, not to be around and pester her. Isn't that what all dil want? What am I missing?

A heart.

[tansy]

Don't be surprised when you and your husband are elderly if this DIL is not interested in visiting you or offering help.

[scotttie]

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

Good for you Nancy!

[JJsMom]

This threads makes me wonder about all the elderly people who don't get visits from their kids or grandkids. Sometimes you reap what you sow.

People have become so isolated, and a lot of them end up lonely. It is sad.

[baddest_dog]

On 4/7/2014 beammeupscottie said:

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

Good for you Nancy!

wow, cheering her on for this statement. And you as I've read, have grandchildren. I would not have expected that kind of cold response from you. I was under the impression one can have a social life AND spend time with family and grandchildren. The OP just let us know exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier post. There is a lot more going on than one instance about calling her ice queen. She wants no part of the life her son's family is offering.

[tansy]

On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:

This threads makes me wonder about all the elderly people who don't get visits from their kids or grandkids. Sometimes you reap what you sow.

People have become so isolated, and a lot of them end up lonely. It is sad.

Exactly.

[Mj12]

On 4/7/2014 tansy said:

On 4/7/2014 JJsMom said:

This threads makes me wonder about all the elderly people who don't get visits from their kids or grandkids. Sometimes you reap what you sow.

People have become so isolated, and a lot of them end up lonely. It is sad.

Exactly.

Ditto.

[scotttie]

On 4/7/2014 Cranberries said:

OP: If you feel you did nothing wrong and you're not about to do anything to help or change the situation I am not sure why you even posted this to begin with. I guess when everyone didn't pat your back and agree with you, is when you decided you're in the right and that you're now just washing your hands of the situation.

I think it's nice your DIL actually wants to be closer with you. Some DIL's aren't that way.

Last night when she signed off she thanked everyone for their comments and said that she was going to think about it all. Today she has made her decision. Also, many people DID agree with her and so your comments are not fair at all.