Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

Good decision. This DIL wants attention, wants to control your life and choices. My sympathy to your son, living with this rude demanding woman can't be fun.

[dawg lover]

I just wanted to send out some support for the o/p, Nancy Drew. Your DIL's remark was very disrespectful and hurtful. Maybe she is frustrated by being stuck in the house with three young children, but she doesn't have to take it out on you. Since she is the one with the problem, I would just turn it back on her, saying "I've given some thought to what you said the other day. How do you think we can improve the situation?". Her answer will tell you whether she truly wants to spend time with you or is just looking for a free babysitter.

[Lipstickdiva]

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

That was me and I wasn't making fun of your opinion. I was responding to another poster in a joking manner because the thread was getting so out of hand. I wasn't even commenting about anything you posted, it was a general comment. You then made the comment you did about not being able to fix stupid and when I told you I was joking and that you were rude, you then came back with a "If you can't take it, don't dish it out."

Again, as I already explained in that thread, I was joking and even if I wasn't joking, what I had posted didn't warrant your response.

As far as this problem, we are only hearing one side of the story and I would guess the DIL's side would be a lot different. I'm not very impressed with the way you come across here so I'd venture to bet your DIL has valid complaints.

[Nancy Drew]

On 4/7/2014 LipstickDiva said:

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

That was me and I wasn't making fun of your opinion. I was responding to another poster in a joking manner because the thread was getting so out of hand. I wasn't even commenting about anything you posted, it was a general comment. You then made the comment you did about not being able to fix stupid and when I told you I was joking and that you were rude, you then came back with a "If you can't take it, don't dish it out."

Again, as I already explained in that thread, I was joking and even if I wasn't joking, what I had posted didn't warrant your response.

As far as this problem, we are only hearing one side of the story and I would guess the DIL's side would be a lot different. I'm not very impressed with the way you come across here so I'd venture to bet your DIL has valid complaints.

There is your side, my side and what really happened. As with all issues. You don't like me and I am fine with that.

[serenity4ever]

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

So you had no intention of really getting to know your DIL. And you just outlined that you have worked hard and it is all about you. Your earlier post about preferring a root canal rather than spending time with her....bore and all that she is, were your true feelings.

And I would reverse your last sentence...... In the DIL MIL issues the DIL can't win....or at least in your case.

[reese2]

I've been a MIL and a DIL and both can be difficult jobs. I was more like the OP's DIL, in that I would have loved to do things with my MIL. It wasn't that I wanted her to babysit, my mom was always tickled to do that, I just wanted to spend time with her. She wasn't interested...period. It hurt but I resigned myself, because she was my husband's mother and I loved him. She apologized to me later in life but all those years were wasted.

I adored my own DIL and made it clear to her that our relationship would be whatever she wanted it to be. She was very close to her own mom and I'd never presume to interfere with that, but we also did things together. I loved her and enjoyed her company, no matter what we did. Oddly enough, her own mother was jealous of that so eventually it stopped.

I feel for the DIL. When someone finds you "boring", or whatever else they perceive your shortcomings to be, you feel that. And I'll tell you, it does hurt. Was she wrong to call her MIL icy? Probably. But it's the old chicken and egg thing, and we don't have enough insight here nor input from the DIL to know which came first.

Edited for spelling.

[gidgetgh]

On 4/7/2014 chrystaltree said:

....and this another reason why I am soooo happy that I have daughters and no sons.

.....and this is another reason why I am soooooo happy that I don't have children. At my age I don't have the interest in all the drama.

[Nancy Drew]

On 4/7/2014 serenity4ever said:

On 4/7/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

As far as last week with that poster she made fun of my opinion first. You hit me I am going to hit you back. I have never ever called her boring to her face. As far as babysitting for surgery that is what family does of course. That being said she should appreciate that I was there for her as her mother and sister was not. I have decided I am not going to change a thing. I have reached the age where I have worked hard and it is about me. I have earned my time. I have raised my kids and now want a social life. What I have learned is in the MIL DIL issues MIL can't win.

So you had no intention of really getting to know your DIL. And you just outlined that you have worked hard and it is all about you. Your earlier post about preferring a root canal rather than spending time with her....bore and all that she is, were your true feelings.

And I would reverse your last sentence...... In the DIL MIL issues the DIL can't win....or at least in your case.

I have known her for 10 years.

[Nancy Drew]

On 4/7/2014 Dawg lover said: I just wanted to send out some support for the o/p, Nancy Drew. Your DIL's remark was very disrespectful and hurtful. Maybe she is frustrated by being stuck in the house with three young children, but she doesn't have to take it out on you. Since she is the one with the problem, I would just turn it back on her, saying "I've given some thought to what you said the other day. How do you think we can improve the situation?". Her answer will tell you whether she truly wants to spend time with you or is just looking for a free babysitter.

Thank You!

[Tinkrbl44]

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

My daughter in law told me today I was an ice queen. I asked why? She said because I never want to do anything with her. She said I am either golfing, volunteering at church or hanging with my own elder parents. If she knew how much time I wasted here it on QVC it would blow her mind. She said that I don't make myself available for babysitting. 2 weeks ago I spent 2 days overnight so mommy and daddy could both go to hospital for youngest granddaughters surgery. Guess she forgot about that. I thought I was giving her a huge gift, not to be around and pester her. Isn't that what all dil want? What am I missing?

Quality time, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. You have a communication breakdown here if you think ALL dils are the same, and want the same things.

It's also obvious you haven't ASKED HER what she would like to do ..... some of my friends are close to their MILs and consider them a second mom .... others, not so much.

What does your son say about this? Why not CULTIVATE a friendship with your DIL? If your idea of a good relationship is "not pestering" her, my guess is that you could be a little more emotionally available ...... unless you just don't like her and are avoiding her on purpose.