Community Chat

[Yuban3]

I think that the daughter-in-law was blunt and honest. She pulled no punches.

By your very own posts, o/p, you come across as cold. You gave up two whole nights, so the parents could be with their child who was in the hospital. Wow! What a huge sacrifice on your part. You should get an award for that.

And what parent wouldn't like to have the grandparents babysit once in awhile? I don't think that that is asking for too much, but apparently, for you, it is.

Maybe this woman wants to get to know the woman who raised her husband better. I guess no one ever thought of that. She realizes that you are her kids grandma, and might be trying to foster a better relationship for their sake.

So she doesn't want you giving them as many treats or gifts. Oh, the horrors, that she, as their mother, should have her own set of rules on how her kids should be raised! I guess you didn't have any rules on how your kids should be raised as they were growing up.

Yes, I would most definitely like to hear the d-i-l's side. I bet it would be completely different than the one that you are painting here.

[violann]

Having been both a DIL, to woman who was crazy and hated me to two outrageously wonderful DILs whom I love fiercely, I'd assume you were being offered an invitation. Personally I'd take her comment as such. The most important question REALLY is- is she head-over-heels-crazy about your son and his children, does she make them happy, and do they love her dearly. If all those questions are answered with a "YES", JOIN THE GROUP

[stevieb]

On 4/6/2014 Libbylady said:

Nancy, You may not want to hear this, but the more I have read, the more I am reminded of the years when we belonged to a country club. As one who didn't play golf or tennis I began to dread the social functions we attended. Anyone who is so dedicated to one thing, such as golf, running, biking, etc can become unable to carry on conversations with others who do not share this one passion.

I'll say the same for men (mostly) who are obsessed with a sports team. It becomes "real life" to them and their day is made or broken by what the team does at a game.

You have begun to sound like a person who has narrowed down to a few intrests and someone who doesn't share your game,or church work,is boring to you. I sense you could "take or leave" time with your grandhildren,rather than finding time with them as a joyful thing. Many of us on this BB don't quite get that, since time with our grands is one of our favorite things, and we don't think of it as "babysitting".

Perhaps you need the accolades you get on the greens, or from church people who reward you with compliments. Doesn't sound like your DH is giving you much attention except perhaps as a golf partner.

Your DIL probably has no intrest in your golf scores or church kitchen duties! Do you know any other topics to discuss? Practice feining an intrest in what your son's family likes to do. If they don't do anything... shame on your son!

Talk about her children, ask about their special intrests, really get to know them. Face it, it just isn't all about you anymore.

All right, but doesn't "feigning an interest" cut both ways...? Because what you're suggesting is that the OP fake an interest but the DIL is fine not being interested in the things her MIL finds interesting... I'd also question why if her son's family doesn't "do anything" does the "shame" rest solely on her son? Again, it cuts both ways and her son has a wife and his children have a mother. If the family isn't "doing anything" then there are two parties at least partially responsible for that state of affairs... Seems to me you want to exempt DIL from any responsibility whatsoever for the state of her interests, her family's interests and the state of her relationship with her MIL.

[muttmom]

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

[reiki604]

For the DIL to make a comment like that to you it was probably brewing for a long time. You clearly do not like her and the comment about making yourself available to babysit for 2 nights so the parents could go to the hospital for their child's surgery speaks volumes. There is your side, her side, and somewhere in between is the true story.

[Cranberries]

There is a reason she must be feeling this way. I think if your thought about it enough there might times you were icy, intentional or not.

[stevieb]

On 4/7/2014 muttmom said:

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

I'm joking. She hurt my feelings so I am just being sarcastic. I have never ever said anything to her about her character. Why would I? Yet it is okay if she says it to me. Poor me!

That could be the problem. She may not understand your sarcasm. I remember a thread last week where you hurt another person's feelings by saying you cannot fix stupid. Calling your DIL boring is something better kept to yourself.

I do not think it is in anyone's best interest to point out you spent 2 nights with a grandchild so the parents could be with another child while that child had surgery. That's what family does.

And the OP is family and she did it... So what's the beef? Someone had to step up and she did, so for the DIL to imply the OP isn't available to babysit isn't actually accurate, is it...? What the OP has said is that she isn't always willing to drop everything to babysit and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.

[nun ya]

Be happy she is boring, it could be worse. Way worse.

[Cranberries]

On 4/7/2014 Yuban3 said:

I think that the daughter-in-law was blunt and honest. She pulled no punches.

By your very own posts, o/p, you come across as cold. You gave up two whole nights, so the parents could be with their child who was in the hospital. Wow! What a huge sacrifice on your part. You should get an award for that.

And what parent wouldn't like to have the grandparents babysit once in awhile? I don't think that that is asking for too much, but apparently, for you, it is.

Maybe this woman wants to get to know the woman who raised her husband better. I guess no one ever thought of that. She realizes that you are her kids grandma, and might be trying to foster a better relationship for their sake.

So she doesn't want you giving them as many treats or gifts. Oh, the horrors, that she, as their mother, should have her own set of rules on how her kids should be raised! I guess you didn't have any rules on how your kids should be raised as they were growing up.

Yes, I would most definitely like to hear the d-i-l's side. I bet it would be completely different than the one that you are painting here.

This.

I've dealt with MIL/DIL issues. It's not always the DIL's fault. Plenty of MIL's cause trouble and rock the boat, then act all "oh, who me?"

[Luv2Decorate]

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:

On 4/6/2014 serenity4ever said:

What transpired right before she called you an ice queen? What was the conversation about? Anyone who would call their MIL an ice queen must be aware that it could put quite a wedge in the relationship. How has your relationship been prior to her striking out at you?

I thought for the past ten years it was good. I am in shock. I was dropping off the 7 year old and he was telling all the fun things we did. She pulls me away into another room and that is when she said it.

Here is the problem... After you dropped the 7 yr old off you told her about all of the fun things you did, she is thinking to herself "why doesn't she want to have fun with me?" Her feelings are hurt and she lashed out.

Reach out to her. Find SOMETHING (there has to BE Something) that you two could do together. She wants you to spend time with her. and have fun. IF you find something that interests her, you will probably see a different side of her!

Whether she's boring or not, she is your son's wife and the mother of your grandchildren.

Ask you son what her interests are and search the internet for those things within the area you live.