Re: Looking for advice not judgment.

Anglophilly · ‎01-05-2012

I've never been through a divorce but people close to me have. It's a painful process that can have consequences for years after.

Before consulting an attorney, I think I'd find a good counselor, maybe a clinical social worker. You need someone to help sort out feelings as well as give practical advice. If you feel you're in danger, there's information on the safe way to exit.

Everyone deserves a chance for happiness and security, especially that little baby.

Vamp · ‎04-14-2010

No judgment here--You do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child. I don't really have an advice to add because I think everything I would have said has already been covered, but I just wanted to wish you the best. It's going to be rough going for a while, but you'll come out of it on the other side a stronger woman.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

On 3/15/2015 Vamp said:
No judgment here--You do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child. I don't really have an advice to add because I think everything I would have said has already been covered, but I just wanted to wish you the best. It's going to be rough going for a while, but you'll come out of it on the other side a stronger woman.

I agree much stronger, and happier! ${#emotions_dlg.biggrin}$

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

People are mentioning taxes. Right now is tax time and if he does the taxes or you use a CPA or paid preparer service, make sure you get a copy. He can hide a lot from you that is harder to hide from the IRS; however, if he is self employed, keep in mind the only info going to the IRS is what he reports so it'll be harder to nail down his true income so you may have to figure out some of that by keeping eyes and ears open cuz his net worth would figure out child support.

Filing married filing separately may or may not be a good idea and one only you can determine - it'd be like filing as two single people and then it's who gets to claim the child, etc. If you both pay equal shares of everything, all this is gonna be much harder to determine.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

A good lawyer. And ask the lawyer/attorney what to do about medical insurance. Maybe the ex will have to keep you on his plan, etc. Very important, to be fully covered.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Yes, don't let him know ahead of time. Just do as others have suggested. Try to be as calm/normal as possible. Be a Katie Holmes right now.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

Get a good lawyer. Get a good lawyer. Did I say get a good lawyer? Interview several before choose one. Remember you don't need someone who is "warm and fuzzy." You need someone who.is going to get the job done...for YOU. And SPEAK UP. With your attorney or anyone else associated with the process. If something doesn't sound right or feel right, question it. You can have the best attorney, but you also have to be your own best advocate. Also, remember, once you file for divorce, the time to be warm and fuzzy in the relationship is over. A line has been crossed. Your first priority is you and your child. Not your husband. Don't feel bad, don't let sentimentality take over during the process. If you do, you will not create the best outcome for you and your child. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but divorce is harsh. I've seen too many women get skrewed over because they succumbed to.sentimentality or were not strong enough to stand up for themselves. For this reason, BEFORE retaining an attorney and beginning the process, make 110% sure that you are ready to separate and prepared to do what it takes to get through it.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

My sister went through a divorce a year and a half ago. They kept all their money in a joint checking account. After it was out that they were getting a divorce, he transferred all the money to another bank in his name only. After helping her navigate through the divorce, what stood out to me is don't give in because you don't want to make him mad and get everything clearly spelled out.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

On 3/15/2015 graycatsrule said: My sister went through a divorce a year and a half ago. They kept all their money in a joint checking account. After it was out that they were getting a divorce, he transferred all the money to another bank in his name only. After helping her navigate through the divorce, what stood out to me is don't give in because you don't want to make him mad and get everything clearly spelled out.

That's why I would transfer half out, and get my own bank account.

Hooty · ‎03-09-2010

I cannot stress more than what other posters have stated ............. get a good attorney that will look out for you and your child interests! My DH is an attorney and cannot stress this more!