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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,296
Registered: ‎06-06-2011

- I’m having a quarantine party this weekend! None of you are invited.

- We are just two to three weeks away from learning everyone’s real hair color.
- All these people are worrying about a baby boom in the next nine months. Two days of homeschooling should ****** that right in the bud!
- All I can think about now when I’m watching any TV show or movie is how everyone is standing WAY too close together.
- I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe!
- The Department of Health is looking to hire couples married seven years or more to educate people on social distancing.

- Quarantine Day 16. I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers. Some of them are actually quite nice. Jamar from Superior Life Insurance has a new baby.
- Grocery shopping has become a real life version of Pac-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit, and take any route possible to avoid contact.
- So we don’t go to restaurants, kids aren’t signed up for anything, and we just stayed home for Spring Break? Sounds like my childhood.
- This is like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded. Geez.
- My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine. It’s called, “Why Are You Doing It That Way?"  There are no winners.
- When we come out of this and I ask you where you want to eat, I do NOT want to hear, “I don’t know.” ...YOU HAD 45 DAYS!
- Can’t wait until this is over so I can go back to social distancing on my own terms.
- Just bought six pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.
- My car probably thinks I died.
- It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for 15 years.
-If you or your parents are over 80 and want to go out ... FORBID THEM! If they complain and say, “But everyone else is doing it”, tell them, “You’re not everyone.” IT’S PAYBACK TIME!
- Hormel Foods made their first batch of SPAM in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food, they have announced they will be making their second batch later this week.
- If you believe that the Yankees will be playing to fans in the stands in two weeks, raise your right hand. Now slap yourself with it.
- Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of coloring!

- Anyone else getting a tan from the light in your refrigerator?

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,010
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Life In Quarantine - Funny

OMG, those are hilarious!     Thanks for the great laughs, @pattypeep .

**********
"The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself."
- Augustine

Be Vigilent
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,336
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Life In Quarantine - Funny

Oh!  I really enjoyed and laughed at that.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,658
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Life In Quarantine - Funny

@pattypeep 

These put a well needed smile on my face.  Thanks!

"Breathe in, breathe out, move on." Jimmy Buffett
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Life In Quarantine - Funny

@pattypeep ...Hilarious, just hilarious, thank you so much for sharing it with us.  I think I'm ready for a breakdown, I can't take this isolation much longer, I'm a people person.  Woman Sad

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,185
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Life In Quarantine - Funny

Thanks for cheering us up @pattypeep! My favorite LOL one was the Pac-Man!

@Lindsays Grandma - I can relate- I want to HUG my friends! I had two in-person meetings this week. Only those who felt comfortable went; the others attended by Zoom. Although I won't go inside a grocery store or a restaurant, I decided to go because almost everyone else there was like me! We sat at different tables with our masks on. We didn't visit with each other but got right to work. Someone there lost her father to this virus. I wanted to talk to her and hug her, but I couldn't.

 

This whole year is what Queen Elizabeth called the year Diana and Charles AND Sarah and Andrew separated, Anne and Mark divorced, and a lot of palace private information was revealed --- "Annus Horribillis."