LIVING TOGETHER! - Page 12

bri20 · ‎03-10-2016

People don't need to live together to have a physial relationship.

It gets sticky when you're renting an apartment together or buying a house - financial obligations can be involved. One person may be left holding the bag on rent or a mortgage.

AngusandBuddhasMom · ‎03-10-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
So basically as long as a couple who is not married is not living together it is ok to have physical relationships. Because that is what a lot of you are saying because I have not heard that you have any problem with that. You just do not like for a unmarried couple to live under the same roof.

I think that is being hypocritical and blind to the fact that if you are in a relationship that is long term or short term just because you do not live together doesn't mean other things are not happening. While it is not your business to either condone or object you should at least realize these are some of the things going on regardless.
Maybe it's because when you live together there are more entanglements like financial obligations and making sure you are protected.

My dd lives with her boyfriend they just moved in together this past November. They met in College and lived apart. They are engaged and will be getting married but are trying to save $$ for their futures. (my DD is too practical to waste $$ on a huge wedding even though I have put $$ aside for it for years). She has her own bank accounts as well as health insurance etc.

While I understand the cons I just think putting a moral clause on it is not practical.

I know many couples who fought like cats and dogs who did not live together prior and were shocked at how much they did not know about the other person.

I think going into marriage with your eyes wide open and knowing what the day to day experience of being with this person is like is smarter and leads to less disapointment in the long run. JMO.

AngusandBuddhasMom · ‎03-10-2010

@bri20 wrote:
People don't need to live together to have a physial relationship.

It gets sticky when you're renting an apartment together or buying a house - financial obligations can be involved. One person may be left holding the bag on rent or a mortgage.

In that respect no they should not be moving intogether because obviously one or both are not ready for that step. But this can also happen in marriage. Then you are untangling a lot more.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

Every person on earth makes "judgements" between right and wrong in order to make decisions about how to live their lives. The real reason people say some of us our judgemental is because they disagree with our moral judgements....Of course they are not making any kind of judgement claiming we are!

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
So basically as long as a couple who is not married is not living together it is ok to have physical relationships. Because that is what a lot of you are saying because I have not heard that you have any problem with that. You just do not like for a unmarried couple to live under the same roof.

I think that is being hypocritical and blind to the fact that if you are in a relationship that is long term or short term just because you do not live together doesn't mean other things are not happening. While it is not your business to either condone or object you should at least realize these are some of the things going on regardless.
Maybe it's because when you live together there are more entanglements like financial obligations and making sure you are protected.

My dd lives with her boyfriend they just moved in together this past November. They met in College and lived apart. They are engaged and will be getting married but are trying to save $$ for their futures. (my DD is too practical to waste $$ on a huge wedding even though I have put $$ aside for it for years). She has her own bank accounts as well as health insurance etc.

While I understand the cons I just think putting a moral clause on it is not practical.

I know many couples who fought like cats and dogs who did not live together prior and were shocked at how much they did not know about the other person.

I think going into marriage with your eyes wide open and knowing what the day to day experience of being with this person is like is smarter and leads to less disapointment in the long run. JMO.

I told my kids that once they were over 21 it no longer was my business who they lived with. I did tell them to check the stats on divorce and that people who live together before marriage divorce more. It's there business to decide for themselves what path they want to follow. They asked me what my stance was and they know what it is..a traditionalist who doesn't believe in enforcing my beliefs on anyone..even my children.

Congratulations on your daughter's upcoming nuptials!

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@jubilant wrote:

Every person on earth makes "judgements" between right and wrong in order to make decisions about how to live their lives. The real reason people say some of us our judgemental is because they disagree with our moral judgements....Of course they are not making any kind of judgement claiming we are!

No, I think people being moralistic towards others have no right to be so. It may have not been best for me to have lived with my husband before marriage but I certainly should not preach or cast judgement on anyone else's choice or decision.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:

Every person on earth makes "judgements" between right and wrong in order to make decisions about how to live their lives. The real reason people say some of us our judgemental is because they disagree with our moral judgements....Of course they are not making any kind of judgement claiming we are!
No, I think people being moralistic towards others have no right to be so. It may have not been best for me to have lived with my husband before marriage but I certainly should not preach or cast judgement on anyone else's choice or decision.

********** But I am not casting judgement on you. Coming to my own conclusions and expressing them as you express yours is not preaching or casting judgement. It is just me making a decision on the lifestyle I choose to live. It makes me no better or no worse. This is the lifestyle that makes me at peace with myself. This is simply who I am. Again...no better...no worse.

AngusandBuddhasMom · ‎03-10-2010

@jubilant wrote:

Every person on earth makes "judgements" between right and wrong in order to make decisions about how to live their lives. The real reason people say some of us our judgemental is because they disagree with our moral judgements....Of course they are not making any kind of judgement claiming we are!

You are making a judgment and assuming. I have no problem with you making a moral judgment. What I find issue with is when it is made because the person can't keep their pov to themselves and just has to say something. No thought as to what the words may do to the intended target. So how is that right? You have made your moral point and feel happy because you can go about your merry way. But you have cast judgment against your target and left them feeling hurt . That is not being a caring person that is just getting your POV out and not caring what it does to others. And wanting others to follow what you feel is right again not caring how they feel.

AngusandBuddhasMom · ‎03-10-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
So basically as long as a couple who is not married is not living together it is ok to have physical relationships. Because that is what a lot of you are saying because I have not heard that you have any problem with that. You just do not like for a unmarried couple to live under the same roof.

I think that is being hypocritical and blind to the fact that if you are in a relationship that is long term or short term just because you do not live together doesn't mean other things are not happening. While it is not your business to either condone or object you should at least realize these are some of the things going on regardless.
Maybe it's because when you live together there are more entanglements like financial obligations and making sure you are protected.

My dd lives with her boyfriend they just moved in together this past November. They met in College and lived apart. They are engaged and will be getting married but are trying to save $$ for their futures. (my DD is too practical to waste $$ on a huge wedding even though I have put $$ aside for it for years). She has her own bank accounts as well as health insurance etc.

While I understand the cons I just think putting a moral clause on it is not practical.

I know many couples who fought like cats and dogs who did not live together prior and were shocked at how much they did not know about the other person.

I think going into marriage with your eyes wide open and knowing what the day to day experience of being with this person is like is smarter and leads to less disapointment in the long run. JMO.
I told my kids that once they were over 21 it no longer was my business who they lived with. I did tell them to check the stats on divorce and that people who live together before marriage divorce more. It's there business to decide for themselves what path they want to follow. They asked me what my stance was and they know what it is..a traditionalist who doesn't believe in enforcing my beliefs on anyone..even my children.

Congratulations on your daughter's upcoming nuptials!

Thank you trinity I agree with you.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@jubilant wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:

Every person on earth makes "judgements" between right and wrong in order to make decisions about how to live their lives. The real reason people say some of us our judgemental is because they disagree with our moral judgements....Of course they are not making any kind of judgement claiming we are!
No, I think people being moralistic towards others have no right to be so. It may have not been best for me to have lived with my husband before marriage but I certainly should not preach or cast judgement on anyone else's choice or decision.
********** But I am not casting judgement on you. Coming to my own conclusions and expressing them as you express yours is not preaching or casting judgement. It is just me making a decision on the lifestyle I choose to live. It makes me no better or no worse. This is the lifestyle that makes me at peace with myself. This is simply who I am. Again...no better...no worse.

If the conclusion applies to your own life, that's fine. It's only when someone starts applying their own values to other people's lives and condemning anyone who lives differently than they do I object to. Anecdotes about our own life...fine but it doesn't mean others need to do the same. What's right for me isn't necessarily the gospel on whether cohabitation before marriage is right for someone else.