Community Chat

[Posh Poodle]

I am so blessed to be married to a generous, like-minded man who cares more about me than he does himself. We dated and were engaged 3 years before marriage while I completed college. He waited for me. In fact, when he would visit my family while we dated, my mother did not allow him to stay in the house. He was allowed to stay in the pop up camper behind the house. He used the shower in the camper, which was tiny. He still jokes about soaping down the shower curtain and turning himself around to get clean! We still laugh about those days! But my hubby-to-be respected my parents wishes. After the wedding, we got an apartment in another state and started our lives together. Almsost alll my cousins have done just the opposite. They've lived together, had kids, bought homes, then tied the knot. Some have been married multiple times, had multiple kids with a couple of different people, within the time frame I have been married and even within just several years. I don't approve of what they have done, but never have I said anything to them about it. I love them, realizing it is a decidedly different world now. What I try to do is see them at family events or make an effort when travelling through the states they live in, which some are far, to see them and participate in their lives. I just want them to know that I care about them. You see, their mothers and fathers (my aunt's and uncles), were very involved in my life, and I also do that out of love for them, too. No need to say anything else about their choices. In fact, I played the piano at a cousin's wedding last year in Iowa when she married the father of her 5-year-old twins. I was more than happy to rejoice in their happy day. At the reception, they asked my dad (a very religious man) to say a prayer--and he did a nice, humble prayer of blessing for the couple. Then we ate, laughed, and enjoyed music. What a lovely time. 

[hckynut]

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@Posh Poodle wrote:

I am so blessed to be married to a generous, like-minded man who cares more about me than he does himself. We dated and were engaged 3 years before marriage while I completed college. He waited for me. In fact, when he would visit my family while we dated, my mother did not allow him to stay in the house.

He was allowed to stay in the pop up camper behind the house. He used the shower in the camper, which was tiny. He still jokes about soaping down the shower curtain and turning himself around to get clean! We still laugh about those days! But my hubby-to-be respected my parents wishes. After the wedding, we got an apartment in another state and started our lives together.

Almsost alll my cousins have done just the opposite. They've lived together, had kids, bought homes, then tied the knot. Some have been married multiple times, had multiple kids with a couple of different people, within the time frame I have been married and even within just several years.

I don't approve of what they have done, but never have I said anything to them about it. I love them, realizing it is a decidedly different world now. What I try to do is see them at family events or make an effort when travelling through the states they live in, which some are far, to see them and participate in their lives. I just want them to know that I care about them.

You see, their mothers and fathers (my aunt's and uncles), were very involved in my life, and I also do that out of love for them, too. No need to say anything else about their choices. In fact, I played the piano at a cousin's wedding last year in Iowa when she married the father of her 5-year-old twins.

I was more than happy to rejoice in their happy day. At the reception, they asked my dad (a very religious man) to say a prayer--and he did a nice, humble prayer of blessing for the couple. Then we ate, laughed, and enjoyed music. What a lovely time. 

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[jaxs mom]

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@Ms X wrote:

I think it's terrible the way some of you ladies attack anyone who espouses more traditional customs and values on this board.  It is truly a blood sport.  Deanie has a right to her way of doing things.  If I remember her posts correctly, she's done very well for herself.  She's not pushing her way of doing things on you.

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I find it really odd that you consider it an "attack" to take issue with someone condoning playing manipulative games and who said this:

 Of course it is a game.  It is all a game.  I dont recall saying anything about s-x.  I said strategic advantage. It could be money, it could be power, it could be a number of things. 

I mean really? It's perfectly ok with you that people encourage playing games for power, money or " other things" in relationships. 

[muttmom]

I am from a strict Catholic family.  Living together is something I would not and could not have done. 

[bri20]

I certainly wouldn't want my girls to casually start living with any boyfriend they ever have.

Once you start getting serious though and talking about marriage, that makes a difference.

I've known plenty of people who have lived together and then break up.  There are just as many that are still together. 

[jaxs mom]

edited because my post quoted one that was deleted. 

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[YorkieonmyPillow]

If I didn't want to totally commit myself ~ which is a very serious matter ~ I would live separately and just date.

I wouldn't want to live with someone and put up with all their quirks and habits without being married. I wouldn't be doing "friends with benefits", either.....companionship would be fine, but that's as far as I would take it without being married.

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

So basically as long as a couple who is not married is not living together it is ok to have physical relationships. Because that is what a lot of you are saying because I have not heard that you have any problem with that. You just do not like for a unmarried couple to live under the same roof.

I think that is being hypocritical and blind to the fact that if you are in a relationship that is long term or short term  just because you do not live together doesn't mean other things are not happening.  While it is not your business to either condone or object you should at least realize these are some of the things going on regardless.

[Trinity11]

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

So basically as long as a couple who is not married is not living together it is ok to have physical relationships. Because that is what a lot of you are saying because I have not heard that you have any problem with that. You just do not like for a unmarried couple to live under the same roof.

I think that is being hypocritical and blind to the fact that if you are in a relationship that is long term or short term  just because you do not live together doesn't mean other things are not happening.  While it is not your business to either condone or object you should at least realize these are some of the things going on regardless.

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Maybe it's because when you live together there are more entanglements like financial obligations and making sure you are protected.