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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

 

 

1.   Doctor:  "I've found a great new drug that can help you                            with your sleeping problem."

      Patient:  "Great, how often do I have to take it?" 

      Doctor:  "Every two hours."

 

2.   On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack.  His wife called after him,  "Are you OK?"  "Yeah."  "Are you hurt?" "No"  "Not a scratch?  "How come?"  "I'm not done falling y et-et-et-et-et-et.

 

3.   "My wife suffers from a drinking problem"

      "Oh, is she an alcoholic?"

      "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."

 

4.   Patient:  Oh doctor, I'm beginning to forget things.

     Doctor:  Since when have you had this condition?

     Patient:  What condition?

 

5.   It has four legs and can fly, what is it?

      Two birds.

 

6.   "Daddy, what is an alcoholic?"

      "Do you see those 4 trees, son?" An alcoholic would

       see 8 trees."  "Um Dad - there are only 2 trees."

 

7.   "Waiter, there's a fly twitching in my soup."  "And what do you expect for the price?  A ballet?"

 

8.   I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.  That's 7 years in a row.

 

9.   Doctor:  "Well Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you are pregnant."  Mrs. Smith: "Wow, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?"  Doctor: "I only said it seems so.  Here's our weight loss brochure."

 

10.   Wife calls her mother:  "Today I fought so much with

        my husband, I'm coming to live with you again."

        Mother:  "No, he should pay for his mistakes, I am

        coming to live with you."

         

 

    

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Super Contributor
Posts: 321
Registered: ‎09-18-2019

@Lindsays Grandma 

 

These are all great.. I like #10..

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,332
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

I like #9.  My SIL, who is a "Karen" in every sense of the word, has that pregnant look, and has for 30+ years.  A long time ago at a family event, a guest asked me when she was due.  She was not pregnant, nor had she recently had a baby.  I wonder if anyone has directly asked her that.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,613
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma  I can't stop laughing at #3, 6, 8 and 10.🤣🤣🤣🤣...Goodness!!!😂😂😂😂

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Contributor
Posts: 34
Registered: ‎12-10-2018

@Puppy Lips wrote:

I like #9.  My SIL, who is a "Karen" in every sense of the word, has that pregnant look, and has for 30+ years.  A long time ago at a family event, a guest asked me when she was due.  She was not pregnant, nor had she recently had a baby.  I wonder if anyone has directly asked her that.


Oooo that could be embarrassing situation @Puppy Lips

Valued Contributor
Posts: 692
Registered: ‎03-16-2020

Thank you for sharing the laughs! I was needing something lighthearted and fun tonight; I appreciate your post❣️