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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,377
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

1.   a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.  "Give me your money," he demanded.  Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"  "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money."

 

2.   Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?  There was no chemistry. (Bet you saw that coming)

 

3.   A recent scientific study showed that out of 2, 293, 618,397 people , 94% are too lazy to actually read the numbers.

 

4.   Daddy, did you know that girls are smarter than boys?  No, I didn't know that.  "There you go."

 

5.   What kind of house is easier to pick up?  A light house.

 

6.   How many pears grow on a tree?  They all do.

 

7.   "Daddy, what is an alcoholic?"  "Do you see those 4 trees, son?"  An alcoholic would see 8 trees."  "Um, Dad - there are only 2 trees."

 

8.   A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I cross your field instead of going around it?  You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."  The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead, and if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."

 

9.   Police officer:  Can you identify yourself sir?  Driver pulls out his mirror and says:  "Yep, it's me."

 

10.   Mother; "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick;  It was really great mum, today we made explosives!"  Mother;  Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days, and what will you do at school tomorrow?"  Patrick;  "What school?"

 

                        

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,610
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

I've been listening to so many political debates/presentations recently that I'm realizing the possibility of too much truth to #1 in our future!Smiley Wink

 

Thanks for the laughs, as always @Lindsays Grandma 

 

 

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@phoenixbrd wrote:

I've been listening to so many political debates/presentations recently that I'm realizing the possibility of too much truth to #1 in our future!Smiley Wink

 

Thanks for the laughs, as always @Lindsays Grandma 

 

 


That's what caught my eyes too.  Shame we can't discuss it.

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~
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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,610
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

@RoughDraft   Our lips are sealed, but our minds are busySmiley Wink

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 781
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Thank you for sharing. I needed this tonight.

 

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 711
Registered: ‎06-27-2016

Too cute! Thanks for sharing!

~ Hope in TN ~
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Posts: 3,095
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

love #1------ain't it the truth.