Community Chat

[Irshgrl31201]

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@jackthebear wrote:

OP

Don't say anything to your kids family about how you feel they need to make up their own mind about this,  without input or guilt. 

Opportunity doesn't always come around,

I faced similar decisions in my life.

Texting/Facetime is easy and fun

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@jackthebear, I would never ever ever make her feel guilty about that. I went on and on about how great Austin was and how lucky she was. She was feeling happy but a little sad too because our whole family is so close. I let her know we would be there so much that she would be sick of us. Then I bawled my eyes out when she left. Haha!!That was over a week ago and I am feeling much better and while she is still sad about not being as close geographically, she is excited for the change in such a great place. 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Hooty wrote:

Good thing your daughter didn't marry someone in the military!

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Yes I know! I am actually the only member of my family who wasn't in the military besides my mom. My dad, brother, sister, brother in law, husband, nephews, cousins are all in the military. My daughter thought about it but decided against it. I am secretly a little happy that neither she nor her husband ever joined just for that reason alone. 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Serenity-Now wrote:

@Lucky Charm...thank you for saying this, because I thought I was a weirdo & worried about being the only one who feels this way.  Now I know it isn't just me.  I have a Facebook page for playing online games, but I don't want to join family & friend Facebook pages, because when I see how much fun they all have together while my dh & I are alone & ill & have no one to share our lives with, & it only drives that painful fact home harder & more painfully by being a part of that social network & seeing how much richer other people's lives are without us being a part of it, than we are able to have with our limitations & living so far apart from them, since they moved away.

Please understand:  we don't begrudge everyone else having full lives....we just don't need or want to have our noses rubbed in that fact, while we are here alone struggling so hard with our own existance, without any assistance from those we love, whatsoever.  It doesn't help to know how great everyone else has it, while we struggle on our own, alone.

Bless you for sharing your thoughts, it has really helped...thank you 

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Oh @Serenity-Now I wish you were here so I could give you a hug. I just read several articles this week that peoples lives on FB usually are much more exciting, happy and adventerous than they actually are in real life. I am sorry you are feeling this way though. (((Serenity-Now)))

[Irshgrl31201]

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@ChynnaBlue wrote:

@Irshgrl31201, I moved to Austin in 1999, leaving my family in California. I still miss them and they miss me and wish that I would move back, so I know.

Ask your son in law is he's checked a cost of living comparison calculator online. I don't know where in NC you are, but the cost of living in Austin has increased a lot over the last few years and the property tax rate is very high.

And I would recommend that you talk to you daughter about using Skype to keep in touch. With Skype and a tablet or computer with a camera, you can do video chats and "see" each other as often as you'd like. You might be able to set up a weekly call time. If you have a pre-arranged video chat time, it means no one is caught off guard with a messy room or looking your worst. There's only a one hour time difference, which also helps. My dad LOVES to call me at 10:00pm my time, which is not cool because I'm trying to wind down for bed. I try to remember to call him around 4:00 on Sunday afternoon to prevent the 10:00 callls.

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@ChynnaBlue that was one of the first things he did!! 

Yes, we all (even myself which is amazing considering my technical handicap) know how to skype so that is one big plus! Thanks!

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Vivian Florimond wrote:

My daughter and family, at that time my two very young grandchildren, lived 3 hours away. We visited often, as did they. Then my son in law got a job 1200 miles away. It was a great opportunity. They moved. I was heartbroken, as was my other daughter, who lived only half an hour from them. We certainly have flown to them many times in the 15 years since they moved but it is challenging. There's no doubt we saw them far less than we would have if they hadn't moved. Nevertheless, we worked hard to maintain a close relationship with the grandkids. Our grandson just graduated from college and our granddaughter from high school. We were there for the ceremonies and the celebrations.

To this day it saddens me that they moved so far away but my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren have done very well and they're happy. That's the bottom line. This is not about me but about what's best for them. Yes, you will be sad, upset, even angry and resentful, but our goal is to raise responsible adults. It sounds like you've done a good job.

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You are completely right @Vivian, it is about what is best for them. I keep that in mind everytime I feel sad! Thanks

[Irshgrl31201]

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@momtochloe wrote:

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@Irshgrl31201 wrote:

Wow! I am overwhelmed by the nice things people had to say and all the support. I haven't had a chance to get back on until today but I am going to go through each one and thank you all! Again! Thanks so much!

A couple of days in, I am feeling a lot better. The initial shock has worn off and I am excited for my daughter and her husband. Plus, I LOVE Austin so I will be visiting lots. My daughter is very excited for this opportunity!

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You get what you give darlin' . . . best wishes to you my friend! . . . 

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Hey @momtochloe!! I haven't talked to you in a while! I hope all is well! You are so sweet. I am hoping to be spending a little more time on here, so I hope to be able to talk to you more!! 

[Serenity-Now]

@Irshgrl31201, I didn't expect this response when I shared my story, just hoping our OP could feel better knowing that her family seemed to  also care a great deal about keeping in closer contact too; but bless you so very much for reaching out to me with such kindness.  You'll never know just how much that meant to me...thank you so much!  

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Serenity-Now wrote:

@Irshgrl31201, I didn't expect this response when I shared my story, just hoping our OP could feel better knowing that her family seemed to  also care a great deal about keeping in closer contact too; but bless you so very much for reaching out to me with such kindness.  You'll never know just how much that meant to me...thank you so much!  

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No @Serenity-Now, THANK YOU!! I am glad you told your story. When I started this thread I was feeling sorry for myself. I think what you wrote was so powerful and I am glad you shared so you could receive some support and just get it out there sometimes helps. Thank you so much!! 

[croemer]

Oh...I bet you are so sad...I know how excited you were to have a grand baby. On the plus side maybe you can visit...Austin is a wonderful place to visit?

[sligo]

I understand completely. I think it is more difficult for us moms when it comes to missing our children. My daughter is also in a different state. To far for me to drive alone. Would love to have her growing up years again. Why does time pass so quickly. Here's a hug and understanding your heart.