Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010


[ Edited ]

29.   No one has seen you look worse than the gas station closest to your house.


30.   Calculating the amount of drinks per week to tell my doctor I consume which has to be believable, but so many that I'm involuntarily baptized.


31.   My mind is like my Internet Browser -

       19 tabs open

       3 of them are frozen and I have no idea where

       the music is coming from.


32.   I've found that if you tuck one part of your pant leg into your sock, people expect less of you.


33.   Dear Microwave, why is my plate boiling hot and my food still cold?


34.   Told my wife I wanted to be cremated.  She made an appointment for Tuesday.


35.   There is 98.5% chance that when a child says, "watch this" it will not be impressive.


36.   ABC News suggested that parents put something important in the back seat to avoid accidentally leaving kids in a hot car.  Something important?  


37.   Clothes that are too dirty for the closet but too clean for the laundry:  Welcome to THE CHAIR.


38.   Interviewer:  "So tell me about yourself."

        Me:  "I'd rather not since I really need this job."


39.   How moms feel after an uninterrupted shower - can THIS...can this be forever?


40.   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.


41.   I'll either respond to your text in 2 seconds or 3 to 5 business days.


42.   When you hit a pothole and it sounds expensive...

        *Please No Flat Tire

        *Please No...(Sigh)

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,011
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma 


Watched & held a lot of things for kids in my teaching days, especially on the playground or on field trips.