Community Chat

[Shorty2U]

I miss my dad alot. I miss his unconditional love. He died all but a month ago. I am trying to deal with it but I am having a hard time. There will never be anyone like my dad again in my life..ever.

I try to talk about him but no one wants to listen. People loved him, but they are trying to forget. Im trying to keep my memory going of him.

I dont know if this is normal, but I have dads last pic that was taken when he was still sitting in his wheelchair (before he got very sick) on a table near our stairs, (with flowers in a vase like a memorium), and every night when I go to bed I say dad, I am sorry for what you went thru your last days. I say I wish I could have taken care of you. I hope you are with Mom and at peace. I say dad there will never be anyone again like you and Mom. I miss you both so much. Then I cry. Then I say good night, and I love you (to a picture), and head up to bed.

Day after day I think of him and how he (and my Mom who passed away 32 years ago) gave me unconditional love.

My DH is a great guy. Some arguing is normal for any couple of course, but we get along 99.999 % of the time. Love my kids, grandkids, love my other relatives and friends.

But I miss my dad so much. He never got mad at me. He never yelled at me. He never made fun of me. He never got frustrated with me. He helped me my entire life and gave me the courage to get thru anything. I miss asking him questons, calling him, visiting him. I wish I would have asked him more things. I wish Id have been there the day when he died. I feel bad he was in a horrible nursing home at first until he got in a better one (where he died)

My friend (in California) called me, she understands. Its UNconditional love I had from my parents and its guilt Im feeling for not having been able bodied myself to take care of him. She says I must go on with memories, he would want me to laugh, be happy. But every night I cry. I miss uncondiontal love, and I miss my dad so much.

The closest I come to unconditional love is my grandkids but (of course) they are getting older now so thats changing some.

IS this normal? Am I acting like a kid when I am an adult? Do I need counseling? I have tried to keep busy, my DH has tried to keep me busy even, but I feel...well lost without my dad.