Community Chat

[Free2be]

The more I think about this situation, if I thought I were going to be in the company of these two people for any period of time, I would pre-warn him that I would not play along with any deception although I would be willing to not bring up the secret elephant in the room myself. 

It seems like a good idea to let him know his secret children are not secrets to anyone but him and even though he gets to live his life on his own terms  nobody else has to pretend on his behalf nor try to make his life more difficult.

I feel sorry for her, for his other children, and for all of you in the family that he puts in this uncomfortable position simply because he doesn't trust her commitment to him to withstand his truth.  She would probably handle it better than he thinks.  Her choices are limited.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@skatting44 wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@skatting44 wrote:

Whoops, I forgot to tell my husband abt my 3rd grade math test score ..

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@skatting44 

Oh wow .... such a liar!   How do you ever manage to live with the guilt?  

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 am taking this as a joke.

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@skatting44 

Yup.   A joke with a little sarcasm thrown in, for added emphasis.    Sorry if it wasn't immediately clear.   

[skatting44]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@skatting44 wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@skatting44 wrote:

Whoops, I forgot to tell my husband abt my 3rd grade math test score ..

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@skatting44 

Oh wow .... such a liar!   How do you ever manage to live with the guilt?  

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 am taking this as a joke.

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@skatting44 

Yup.   A joke with a little sarcasm thrown in, for added emphasis.    Sorry if it wasn't immediately clear.   

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 I thought it was a joke. My statement abt my 3rd grade math paper was a joke to.  Sometimes  it's nice when someone lightens up  the topics

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Free2be wrote:

The more I think about this situation, if I thought I were going to be in the company of these two people for any period of time, I would pre-warn him that I would not play along with any deception although I would be willing to not bring up the secret elephant in the room myself. 

It seems like a good idea to let him know his secret children are not secrets to anyone but him and even though he gets to live his life on his own terms  nobody else has to pretend on his behalf nor try to make his life more difficult.

I feel sorry for her, for his other children, and for all of you in the family that he puts in this uncomfortable position simply because he doesn't trust her commitment to him to withstand his truth.  She would probably handle it better than he thinks.  Her choices are limited.

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@Free2be 

Very good point ....  if he wants to hold back important information, he'll have to deal with the fallout, but him expecting everyone to go along with his charade is expecting too much of those who know the truth. 

Also ....  Someone might accidentally "slip" and mention it.    heh heh heh

[gertrudecloset]

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@Drythe wrote:

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

No it's not a survey @Drythe .  I guess you would have liked some "back story?"

I'll consider adding some.  I'm really asking for romantic/marriage relationship purposes that have nothing to do with me, but a relative I tried telling this to for many years.

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@gertrudecloset 

Nope, no “backstory” necessary.

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I guess you bothered just cause then!  LOL @Drythe .  I do it too....

[gertrudecloset]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

The problem is the use of the word "lie." There is no lying going on here. There is withholding information. That is his choice. And it's yours to disagree.

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@suzyQ3 Now see, this is the kind of thinking I was looking for.  It is mine to choose.  However, keeping in mind the "omission" factor, I have concluded it is a lie.  This is based on my own moral principles.  

The same would hold true (for me) if it were a friend and I knew something that could harm him/her and withheld that information for whatever reason.  Are you being a good friend by not running and telling the news or do you remain silent because you know it would hurt your friend.  These are life's moral dilemmas and I appreciate your pariticpation.

[gertrudecloset]

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@reiki604 wrote:

@gertrudecloset  Does he pay child support for all his children? I believe the current girlfriend should know about all the kids, but it's not your role to tell her. I'd distance myself as far away from this guy as possible. 

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He has two adult children.  Three others that I believe he still sees the mom in a way that would make a new girlfriend confused.  To answer your question, yes he pays for his kids and takes of mom too (please get my drift here).  LOL.

[gertrudecloset]

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@NicksmomESQ wrote:

  It depends what isn't being said & the relationship you have with the person you're keeping the information from.

  If it's a casual friend no.If it's someone you're becoming emotionally involved with yes.

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They are dating.  This woman told my sister that she is pregnant!  Much more than casual when you've gotten someone pregnant!  Thank you for your input @NicksmomESQ 

[gertrudecloset]

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@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

I don't think it is black and white.

If a person omits info that they robbed a bank when younger, yes, that's bad and should not be withheld.

However, if they pilfered a candy bar at 6yrs. old and Mom made them take it back, I don't view that as an intentional lie.

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@CrazyKittyLvr2 Another good example.  See how it's not so cut and dry.  I believe intent would only apply in a court of law.  I do get your point and thanks for sharing.  I felt at the onset that the what relative is doing is lying by omission.  I still feel that way even after getting others' opinions and points of view on it.  

[gertrudecloset]

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@pitdakota wrote:

@gertrudecloset, have to say that in this case I would agree it is wrong of him to not tell his current girlfriend about his other children.  She is now pregnant and that child will have other brothers/sisters.  Not to mention she has a right to know his financial obligations for his other dependents since that could impact their relationship as well.  

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@pitdakota Thank you!  It aligns with what I feel.