Community Chat

[mamaslittlepotato]

This sounds like it was written in the 50’s or 60’s; very outdated. What disrespectful husband or SO would even listen to his wife or SO if she told him to write it down and go deliver it to his mother or daughter. LOL

Just put him in his place right then and there the first time and I’m pretty sure it will be the last time he does that. If not, then say goodbye.

[Sooner]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

I disagree 100% with this tactic.  

Yes, it can apply to wives/girlfriends too.

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@Cakers3 Me too.  You have to decide how others will treat you.  And you have to respond to it. 

[silkyk]

[SeasonedCitizen]

I felt i had to reply to this, I went thru several years of mean remarks and a less than wonderful marriage.  

I was hurt by the remarks (after a 30 some marriage). After his untimely illness and death I realized he suffered from PTSD which wasn't being addessed at that point after the Viietnam War ended. I am grateful that I didn't leave hm but gave him the love and support he wasn't able to provide.

We always have answers and advice for contributors in these blogs but some arent' explainable all the time at the right time.

[manny2]

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@SeasonedCitizen wrote:

I felt i had to reply to this, I went thru several years of mean remarks and a less than wonderful marriage.  

I was hurt by the remarks (after a 30 some marriage). After his untimely illness and death I realized he suffered from PTSD which wasn't being addessed at that point after the Viietnam War ended. I am grateful that I didn't leave hm but gave him the love and support he wasn't able to provide.

We always have answers and advice for contributors in these blogs but some arent' explainable all the time at the right time.

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@SeasonedCitizen I sympathize with your situation, but do not agree with your reasoning. We teach people how to treat us. There are treatments for PTSD, so it is not an excuse for abusive behavior whether verbal or physical. You can love and support someone, but it is their responsibility to get the help they need. 

[manny2]

@Lindsays GrandmaI think a lot of your message was lost here.  I got it. It's an important message. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@mamaslittlepotato wrote:
This sounds like it was written in the 50’s or 60’s; very outdated. What disrespectful husband or SO would even listen to his wife or SO if she told him to write it down and go deliver it to his mother or daughter. LOL

Just put him in his place right then and there the first time and I’m pretty sure it will be the last time he does that. If not, then say goodbye.

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@mamaslittlepotato 

ITA ..... what's even more unfortunate than this kind of behavior is the fact that some women need to have it pointed out to them that it's not something that should ever be tolerated. 

Rather than giving the abuser a silly childish "note" .... like that will do anything .... the woman should get herself into counseling and figure out why she would ever tolerate that behavior in the first place.  In this situation, SHE is the one with the problem.  

[mamaslittlepotato]

@Tinkrbl44 If someone continues to let this behavior continue, I completely agree with you about needing counseling.

[Porcelain]

I don't think the advice is to literally expect your husband or boyfriend to actually do what is specified. It's making the point that your intimate partner (male or female) is not a special exception to the rules of decency and fighting fair. We need to treat each other and expect to be treated with the same respect we give our parents and children.

I believe in the adage that you shouldn't say anything you wouldn't sign your name to. Which kind of makes the same point as the OP. Do I always live up to that? Certainly not.

And harsh words are so tragic to any important relationship because once you've said something awful, you can apologize for it all you want but you can never unsay it. You can never get back that innocent trust that you squandered when you hit the person you love with a low blow verbally.

[reiki604]

The person who would be receiving the note would be the one who taught that person what acceptable behavior is. I think the reaction to the note would be shrugging of the shoulders.