I'm so sorry you're going through all this anguish, but I do think it will get better. In the meantime, I agree with others here that maybe some professional help would be in order so you can get on the right track.
I was sort of forced into retirement a year earlier than I had planned because my job went away. At first it was wonderful, and then it wasn't so wonderful. I don't have a large family, and only a couple of close relatives where I live... the others are several hundred miles away.
I went through a period of such adjustment, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I had always had this idea that if I just had a little money and a LOT of time, I could do all the things I'd never had time to do before. But then I didn't do them. It was like, the first part of my life I was a daughter, then I was a wife (for a few years), I was a mother, and a worker for 46 years, and then I was... what?
I didn't know how I was supposed to feel or what I was supposed to do. It was like I had had all these "identities" and then all of a sudden I didn't know who I was supposed to be. I'm still a mother, and my son lives close by, but there were still those questions of "what do I do now"? My life wasn't at all like I once thought it would be at this point in time.
It took a good while and a lot of effort, but it finally came together. You have received a lot of good advice here from some caring posters, and I do hope it helps. Be sure and take time for yourself and don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it. I know a lot of people feel ashamed it they need to ask for help, but you should never feel that way. I hope you can work it out and get to feeling better soon. I'm sure many of us have been where you are in one way or another, so come back here and post if you feel like it. I've found a lot of help and support here... I hope you do as well.