I need opinions

conlt · ‎03-16-2010

Hi, I need opinions on what to do with some items. My brother died at 19 months old in 1952. He was my parents 1st born and they had 5 children after his death.

My mother died in 2019 and in cleaning her house we found some of my brothers baby cloths. Little shirts, sweaters, hats, a little snow suit (heavy fabric).

It pains us to think of throwing these things away. Even though we never met my brother, he was still part of our lives. We spoke about him often and visited his grave as a family. In fact, when we came to Florida and at my fathers death, my mother had him moved from the North East and buried with my parents in Florida.

What I did not know was that mom was not allowed to attend his funeral service because she was 7 months pregnant and they thought she would lose the baby because of the stress of his death. We had a funeral for him in Florida 59 years after he died. Mom and I picked out a pretty casket and the gravestone with a little boy and and a lamb on it.

I spoke to a friend and she suggested that I have a quilt made of his items. We can't seem to bring ourselves to throw his things away. My mother cherished them until she died.

Do any of you have ideas?

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

Too bad they couldn't have been buried with your mom. That must have been really hard on your mom. I have no ideas sorry but you have my sympathy that is a hard decision to make.

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@conlt ,

It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.

Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.

I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

Mersha · ‎03-10-2010

@conlt If you or your siblings do not have the same emotional attachment that your mother did to the clothing, donate them if they are in good shape.

Perhaps another little one is in need and the clothing would be used.

Knowing they be of use to someone would make me feel happy about donating.

"Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are." BF

SandySparkles · ‎06-13-2010

@conlt I cannot think of a better way to HONOR your dear brother, and dear mother.❤❤ To have such cherished items is a BLESSING. I think a quilt of his things will bring joy and comfort to everyone, as they reminisce every time they see it!💖

If everyone that cares to, adds a square of something they value in remembrance of him, it will make it even more special and endearing!!!💝💝 He will always be nestled in your heart, but this way others can share precious memories!💝💝💝

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@conlt it's understandable that you don't want to part with your brother's items. I also think it's honoring your mom, in some way, that you don't just dispose of them. Before I finished reading your post, I also thought of a quilt. Usually the quilt top is completely made from the desired items, cut into blocks. Since he was just a toddler at the time of his passing there may not be enough clothing/fabric to do a complete top. However, you may try posting on a local Facebook page to look for quilters. Between the two of you, you may be able to come up with a design that incorporates the clothes. Would you use the quilt or display it in some way?

If you're planning to display whatever it is you create, you might consider making a display case/shadow box of a few of your favorite pieces of clothing. Have a nice card made in a pretty font to go inside at the bottom corner that has his name and dates on it.

Lastly, you don't really need to feel obligated to do anything. Look over the clothing, have your feels, cry if yiu need to. Then fold them nicely and put them in a clean box to store in a closet and let your kids deal with it one day. They won't have the same emotional attachment as you do.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Maybe each take a small item and have it framed? Then dispose of the other things. You are not obligated to be the family museum. But by a small framed item, it would be something easy to remember and pass down. Put the story on the backing of the frame on a nice card.

LizzieInSRQ · ‎12-27-2010

@on the bay wrote:
@conlt ,
It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.
Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.
I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.

Please do not donate these items. They are 70 year old items. No one wants 70 year old baby clothes unless its a christening gown that means something to the family. All youd be doing is letting someone else at the donation station throw them out.

I dont mean to sound callus. I am as semtimental as they come. I have my moms ice sksting outfit from 1939 that her mom made her. Im sure it will get thrown out by someone when i die ( i have no kids, not sure if it will be nephew who will have to deal or not.

i have that outfit because my mom who kept VERY little, kept that and i know the story.

I am sorry about your loss. If you want to keep a couple of things and maybe get rid of some items that did not age well, do so. But only do so if you want to. Your mom is no longer here, she wont be claiming them again. Just like when people who lose things in a fire, they learn to live without them. You cant take your memories away.

Karie2022 · ‎03-26-2010

I have tears in my eyes, just so sad. How about taking really nice photos of everything and having an album made. You could include some pics of your parents and you and your siblings as well. You can do this yourself or have some one do it for you; that way you still have memorialized your brother but the actually items you can discard. I don't know if that would be too difficult for you to do. I actually started doing this with a lot of items, including from my grandmother. I know in the future my kids will not want any of this stuff and will probably throw it out, but an album is more of a keepsake. Just a thought .

Take time every day to enjoy where you are without a need to fix it

50Mickey · ‎05-21-2010

@LizzieInSRQ wrote:
@on the bay wrote:
@conlt ,
It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.
Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.
I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.
Please do not donate these items. They are 70 year old items. No one wants 70 year old baby clothes unless its a christening gown that means something to the family. All youd be doing is letting someone else at the donation station throw them out.

I dont mean to sound callus. I am as semtimental as they come. I have my moms ice sksting outfit from 1939 that her mom made her. Im sure it will get thrown out by someone when i die ( i have no kids, not sure if it will be nephew who will have to deal or not.

i have that outfit because my mom who kept VERY little, kept that and i know the story.

I am sorry about your loss. If you want to keep a couple of things and maybe get rid of some items that did not age well, do so. But only do so if you want to. Your mom is no longer here, she wont be claiming them again. Just like when people who lose things in a fire, they learn to live without them. You cant take your memories away.

@LizzieInSRQ I agree about the clothes. These clothes are 72 years old. They would not be useful to anyone at this point. I have no idea of what you need to do with them to honor your Mom, maybe keep one or two pieces and then let the rest go.